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Do Tell: What's Your Cheating Policy?

Do Tell: What's Your Cheating Policy?

I polled you last Summer, asking if you've ever been cheated on, and unfortunately, 65 percent of you have experienced infidelity. Breaking trust in the relationship is what I've always considered to be the worst part, but deception of any kind is equally damaging.

While some people feel once a cheater, always a cheater, other aren't as black and white on the issue. Every relationship is unique and while people do make mistakes, do tell, what's your cheating policy?


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toohot2handle toohot2handle 8 years
i've been cheated on numerous times by the same guy. And i always took him back. Shoot, I even married the guy. I came to realize that it's not me with the problem it was him. But i do love him and so far we are doing good. It is hard to trust him, tho. And that trust is hard to get back.
la-law-gal la-law-gal 8 years
I found out yesterday that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me from the start. The entire time I was dating him, he was also dating another woman who he is now engaged to. So, despite thinking I'd never been cheated on, I have, and so has she. I believe 'once a cheater, always a cheater."
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
This is a tough one. I think if your SO cheats at the beginning of your relationship, kick him to the curb. It's not worth finding out if he'll do it again or "change". As relationships go on, though, things are more complicated. I've told my boyfriend that I don't tolerate cheating and that we would be over if he ever did that. He agreed. However, what if, 5 years down the road and we're married with a kid or something, he has an indescretion that is brief and idiotic? I don't know how I'd handle it or that it would be something I could "get over" but given our familial situation and the length of time we've been together, I'm not sure I could just kick him to the curb. A long-term affair, however, is a completely different story. Again, if you're just dating the guy and he screws around on you, forget him. I always say, if it's worth risking the relationship to cheat, it's better to take the time to end things before moving to something else.
avantgardeology avantgardeology 8 years
I have cheated too many times on my x bfs, and would never do it again. but honestly, if i hadnt have cheated, i never would have met the best men of my life. I regret nothing, and am so thankful that my boyfriend sees things the way i do: If you believe a cheater is ALWAYS a cheater, then it shall be. But I dont. I feel that people change, and it is human to have doubts and curiousities. It doesnt make you a less or better person than anyone else, it just makes you unsure, and you acted on it. I hurt a lot of people along the way, but life throws you hardballs and you just have to do what you gotta do. I regret hurting people, but as long as you stay true to yourself, ... then that is all that should worry you. And thats what i have done, and without it, i would not have met my current boyfriend, who has the biggest heart. I love him. Now if he cheated on me, i would give us time apart, and let him grow as a person. I wouldnt hate him or think he was disrespectful,.. hes just changing. Im his first gf, but i have no worries with him at all. Having a bad record myself though, can sometimes make him worried, but i understand why he is. You just have to trust and stay true to the person you love. If not, you shouldnt be in the relationship yet.
pinkksugar pinkksugar 8 years
i totally agree with a lot of you. especially the "if you wouldn't do it in front of me" idea. the one thing that ALWAYS gets to me is porn. i think it's so disrespectful. he wouldn't check a girl out in front of me but it's okay to watch one have sex? no way. as for strip clubs, why waste your money? it's grimy and you don't know anything about the girls there. i'd much rather take my guy out for a hike and a wild time in the woods ;)
StolzeMama StolzeMama 8 years
strip clubs, I don't care, lap dance... different story. I was actually talking about this the other day. Enjoying the strip club with your buddies is SOOOO different than having a woman grinding on your mans package. My hubby has honestly been to a strip club only once since we have been married. I don't care if he went he just doesn't care and doesn't enjoy it. He went with a bachelor party.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
If my boyfriend so much as TOUCHED another woman or "experienced" another woman in any way (like a lap dance) then that would be it. We have a solid rule between the two of us - no deception. We have both been cheated on and we do not understand how somebody could do that to another person. It hurts too much and we would never do that to each other.
Justice2 Justice2 8 years
excellent point.
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
I don't think stripers or lap dances are cheating. I guess it depends on how much you trust each other and what your comfort level is. I feel like if you forbid a guy from going to a strip club you turn into that crazy controlling needy girl that I don't want to be. It's all about trust. If you can't trust him why waste your time?
Justice2 Justice2 8 years
Ok ladies, how do you feel about bachelor parties, strip clubs, and lapdances? I am young and so is my significant other, and it will soon be time for him to be frequenting bachelor parties. Strip clubs are not always a part of bachelor parties, but for some they are. My boyfriend and I have decided we would never allow each other to get a lapdance because that would be cheating, but I wanted to know how you all feel about them?
Symphonee Symphonee 8 years
*I also suscribe to the if you can't do it in front of me rule. If you take a number, I will let you get a pass just once. Do it again and your gone.
Symphonee Symphonee 8 years
If you take her number, you cheated. If you call her, you cheated. If you text her, you cheated. If you kissed her in any type of romatic manner, you cheated. If you have sex with her, you cheated. All of these things are ground for immediate dismissal from the relationship. I don't ask for anything that I am not willing to give of myself. I don;t do it and I don't expect my man to.
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
Well said jazzy. I agree. I think, once a cheater always a cheater, and if someone cheats on me, they are gone, that is it. And cheating is not a mistake. It's a decision, people should take responsibility for their decisions, not just try to write them off as "mistakes". And like others have said, I believe cheating is anything you wouldn't do with your SO present. So emotional cheating counts too of course. And I'm in the minority here too, but even if someone cheated in a past relationship, but not with me...I wouldn't be with them. Because why would I want to be with someone with morals like that? Like sourcherry said, I want to be with someone that also believes you either fix a relationship or end it. I want to be with someone that has some self respect and respect for other people. I was cheated on once. Emotionally mostly. After that trust is just gone. Especially when the person lies all the time too. There is just no possible way I can come back from something like that.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 8 years
I am always amazed about what people will sacrifice and risk just for a thrill. If someone is cheating physically, texting, whatever the level it is, it means he has no respect for me...PERIOD. Actions speak louder than words. I am sorry, there is no going back after that because there is nothing to rebuild on. You want someone who would never dream about doing that because the thought of losing you is too much to bear. Are there guys out there like that? I can only hope.
StolzeMama StolzeMama 8 years
Well, I am married, which is different. If it was just a boyfriend, I would kick him to the curb in a heartbeat, as I have in the past. I would like to think i could forgive an indiscretion. But agree it depends on the kind. I am not one of those "I wouldn't want to know" kind of people. I think i would give him 1 chance. But if it happens again, bye-bye!
ally14 ally14 8 years
Once a cheater, always a cheater is what I personally believe in but I think it's a bit different if it's a married couple with children.
fancifulfabi fancifulfabi 8 years
fancifulfabi fancifulfabi 8 years
Thankfully I've never been cheated on... In the past I've said that I'd definitely break it off with someone who cheated. But then I fell in love with someone so deeply that it has made me come to question that. Sure, it's easy to say you'll simply break up with them, but we all know it's now as easy as that, especially if you're head-over-heels for someone who has never let you down before. I feel like I could forgive my significant other if he was truly remorseful and it seemed like a one-time mistake. I would be devastated, but we could potentially bounce back from it stronger than ever - I've seen it happen to other couples. I would never forgive him if it happened a second time though.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
"Anything you can't/won't do with your s.o next beside you (when it comes to the opposite sex that is), I'd consider cheating." I think that is a great, great way of articulating the standard!
hope2be hope2be 8 years
I'm like you, candace87 :D Anything you can't/won't do with your s.o next beside you (when it comes to the opposite sex that is), I'd consider cheating. I'm very black/white with this and I never consider cheating a 'mistake.' It's not like 'Oops, my panties fell off then I fell on your manhood.' LOL. Both my fiancee and I have zero tolerance policy when it come to cheating. He's been cheated thrice (and he always broke up with them afterward), and I was cheated once too and it's just 'done.' Regardless how much the other person was crawling and begging for 'forgiveness.'
sourcherry sourcherry 8 years
I guess I'm even more radical than most here. I would probably break up with a guy if I found out he had cheated on a girlfriend before, unless there were strong attenuating reasons, or a one time situation. If a relationship is not satisfactory, either you work on it, or you end it. I'd like to be with a person who thinks the same way.
candace87 candace87 8 years
Like everyone above, basically if you cheat that's it. I've tried taking back a cheater before and it's just pointless. My definition is something I heard on a talk show once (Dr. Phil, I think?) and that is: anything you wouldn't do with your s.o. right beside you, is cheating. Would you buy that girl a drink with me right beside you? No. Would you flirt and even just hold her hand if I was watching? No. That's cheating, and I think it depends on the situation wether I'd forgive or not.. but probably not.
crayolasky crayolasky 8 years
I have never been cheated on before, but I would never tolerate it. Ever. I suppose if I was married and had children it would depend on the situation, but if I was only dating or in a relationship with someone, that would be it. I am the type who wouldn't be able to get over it if I was still with the person.
jessie jessie 8 years husband chose to forgive me...i had a emotional relationship with someone though. like i said..depends on who you are and what kind of relationship you have and whether or not you're married..have kids. will i do and i know i won't, because we took care of all the problems that made me go that route in the first place.
Sweetytart Sweetytart 8 years
I have two rules that i follow. First i ask myself "would i be doing this if my boyfriend is here?" the second is "would i want him to be doing this?" If either of the answers is no then i consider it cheating and stop.
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