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Do Women Try to Make Everything Appear Perfect?

Are Women Still Trying to Paint Perfect Pictures?

What can women learn from men? A Woman's Day article, written by two men, lists 10 things. Overall, I agree. Yes, we can be agreeable to our own detriment; we don't always say what we mean; and hiding anger does nobody a favor. But there's one bullet point I take issue with: women don't acknowledge their dark side.

I'll let the article explain.

Most men understand that they are deeply flawed, and at times it can seem women strive so hard for an image of perfection that they will admit nothing that could undermine that perception. But there are two serious benefits to owning up to your shadow side: You are less susceptible to it and more empathetic because of it. Women are often so invested in being seen as good or generous or empathetic — rather than actually being that way — that they tend to have harsher judgments of others and conceal vices that, in their repression, become more toxic. Acknowledging taboos, even if they subtract from womanly virtues, yields a more real and more sympathetic integrity.

Are we stuck in Betty Draper's living room? Even her Mad Men character learns life is not the fairy tale she was promised. As for her dark side, well, she's working on it.

Maybe it's because I am all for acknowledging the dark side that calling this a still-relevant female trait irritates me. It's like a throwback to another generation, which it very well may be since the median age of Woman's Day readers is 50. Yet I can't say I've never seen women my own age try to pretend everything is a-OK when it's so not.

"Nobody will hate you for not being perfect," I once read, "but they will if you appear perfect." If you look at the more lovable female characters on TV — Ugly Betty's Betty, 30 Rock's Liz Lemon, and Glee's Rachel — it seems society already knows this. So are real women that far behind? I don't think so!

Join The Conversation
amandachalynn amandachalynn 7 years
I know a ton of women like this. It's why I left my local mothers club. I think it's because I live in a place that's upper middle class and above(we live in a duplex owned by my MIL, we could never afford to live here otherwise) and women want others to be jealous of them. I see a lot of tennis skirts and bracelets, and women standing around their Mercedes in the school parking lot talking about their wonderful trip to the mountains. It's like the Stepford Wives!
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
"toxic"? Bite me.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
I don't necessarily think this is just an older generation thing. I'm definitely guilty of it sometimes too, and so are some of my friends.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
I grew up with a woman, my mom, who is who she is and doesn't apologize for it. She doesn't try to be this benevolent and forgiving person that allows everyone to step over her. So she taught me to be myself. She taught me that it is okay to be mad, that it is okay to not be perfect and to embrace it. If I tell you that I don't hate, that I have never wish bad stuff to happen to people that have do me wrong I'll be lying,I guess I'm human and I'm not embarrassed to admit it.
xgreenfairyx xgreenfairyx 7 years
I like my Dark Side. It means I can Force choke people.
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