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Do You Dislike Your Partner's Mom?

Do You Dislike Your Partner's Mom?

In a new book, relationship expert Dr. Terri Apter says that women are programmed to not like their mother-in-laws. She says, "Both mother and wife are struggling to achieve the same position in the family — primary woman."

The whole concept of women fighting each other for the man's attention is a little tired. How come we never hear about husbands hating their father-in-laws? I think a good relationship with your significant other's parents, mother included, is completely possible, but I guess the potential to butt heads is always there, too. Have you ever had a problem with your partner's mom? Feel free to share horror (or happy) stories in the comments!

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Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 7 years
My MIL and I barely get along on the surface but that's because I can't actually be myself around her. After my husband and I got engaged, she started buying my husband gifts that expressed how "how a mother's love is the only love that stands the test of time" and it's "true love" and would buy wall plaques, pictures, books even a pillow stating how her motherly love can never be replaced (by me of course!). She then expected all this stuff to have a home in the living room and would ask where it was when she was over. Also, she used to drop hints about us living in sin because we lived together before marriage and how she prayed for us every night. When we wanted to get married at the beach, she said she couldn't attend the wedding because she would be sinning by partaking in an unholy matrimony. She constantly drops hints about me sinning because I'm on birth control and I'm preventing God's wish of children. And she constantly is questioning whether or not we say grace at dinner and tells my husband that she raised her son better than that and she's not happy with him. When we visit her (and thankfully my husband avoids his family as much as possible), the men go into the game room to play pool and I'm expected to sit with her while she reads a book rather than talk to me. I wish I could just be honest with her and tell her that a. I don't want children and b. that I am an atheist.
Smacks83 Smacks83 7 years
My bf's mom is not very nice to me. In front of me she has asked about his ex, how nice she was, how she wishes he would have stayed with her, how she realty liked her...etc. His grandmother (mom's mom) is always calling me fat (mind you she is like 300lbs) and always asking how much money I make (I never say) and how his ex could afford to "keep" my bf (he doesn't want to be a "kept" man though). His mother doesn't invite me over for family gatherings, always makes back-handed remarks, and is very passive-aggressive. She hates it when I introduce her son to new foods because she only ever makes him meat and buttered breads and like 2 veggies. I got him eating more salads and veggies he now likes and when she found out she was yelling her son "isn't a f*cking rabbit eating all that sh*t!". Plus when he needed an emergency appendectomy I was in the hospital with him for about 11 hours, she didn't show up until about 2 minutes before the surgery (and when i called her throughout the day with updates and test results she would tell me only to call her if it was important) and the whole time we were in the waiting room (with her friend she brought because she didn't want to be bored!) all she talked about was how this was messing up her plans for the night. We got out at 3am and she didn't offer me a ride home (I live about a 6 minute drive from her house in queens and we were both in Manhattan at the time). Yeah, she doesn't like me and makes it a point to make sure I know. I haven't seen her in about a year and I am fine. I wish we could get along though.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 7 years
we get along, because I wouldnt let her take the upper hand.
Chrstne Chrstne 7 years
She's a saint. Nicest woman ever, even nicer than my own mother.
anabj anabj 7 years
My MIL and and have a great relationship.My main problem with her is that she always wants to buy me something she likes (and I usually don´t), so I have to be very careful when she asks me if I like something. I don´t want to hurt her feelings but if I tell her it´s ok, it´s mine. Sometimes I have to ask my husband for help, LOL. It´s funny because when she wants to tell my husband something and she doesn´t know how he will react, she asks me to tell him because she is afraid he will get mad at her, and she says he is not capable to get mad at me.
staple-salad staple-salad 7 years
My boyfriend's mom and I get along rediculously well. Though sometimes my boyfriend tells me that I keep getting more and more like his mom, for weird reasons, like the fact that we both like sauerkraut and corned beef.
Rebecca14916991 Rebecca14916991 7 years
My boyfriend's mom is amazing! His family is Albanian, and I was nervous about meeting her at first because I had this stereotype in my head from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but she is nothing like I thought she would be! She's amazingly intelligent (she once worked at MIT), tender, loving, has had many ambitious careers, doesn't take any crap and is quite definitely the matriarch of US branch of his family, lol! I actually get along much better with her and can be more honest with her than with my own mom. It's really my parents that are the problem in the relationship. I'm the oldest, and my dad is in the Army, so refusal-to-cut-apron-strings+overprotectiveness+Army training in psychological warfare = extra bad news for my bf, at least on my dad's part. My mom hates him because we've had sex and feels like he's "taken her little girl from her", even though I've been out of the house and of legal age for longer than we've been dating (2 years). She finds a way to insinuate that she thinks I made a gigantic mistake every time he comes up in conversation. I'm almost ready to strangle the pair of them myself!
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
My future MIL is such a sweetheart :) I get along with her very well.
Fitness Fitness 7 years
My MIL is a strong woman who raised her son to think of women as equals! She rocks. We but heads occasionally, but have been able to work it out. She is the most flexible person I have met, and I can really learn a thing or two from her.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
I love my partners mom. I consider myself really lucky that his family is so incredible and easy to get along with.
jesssa jesssa 7 years
we get along fine, though sometimes it's a little uncomfortable because she still treats me and the boy like children from time to time. when she gets a little bit of drink in her, though, her real feelings always come out and i know she truly does like me and considers me part of her family.
simplyfab87 simplyfab87 7 years
We get along fine but we have nothing in common so we never have any real conversations. But overall I like her and she likes me.
bangs bangs 7 years
I actually adore my (future) mother-in-law. And I know for sure she loves me back and she always has the nicest things to say for my to the rest of the family (as my boyfriend tells me). I couldnt ask for a kinder person, I feel happy especially after so many horrible stories I hear from friends having troubles with their mother-in-laws and all.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
right now I'm not in a relationship,but I think that getting along with your mother in law is very important. Even if people say its not true they are part of the package and they have an influence over your significant other. My mom relationship with my grandmother was so bad that when she went to Spain to meet her she left shortly after, my grand mother was horrible to her and she would make nasty comments about us. I think my parent marriage lasted because we lived in a different continent. My mom always tells me that if they lived in Spain that relationship wouldn't have lasted. The same happen with one of my uncles(in my mother side) my grandmother was so toxic and mean to my uncle's wife that she destroyed the marriage. Its even worst when they are a mama's boy. All these experiences have thought me that mothers in law have a lot of power, and if they want they can destroy your relationship.
alphaxigirl07 alphaxigirl07 7 years
i get along great with my future mother in law. she kind of reminds me of a grandmother.. she's just really sweet and has a kind, but old, soul. she wouldn't hurt a fly. sometimes i find her passiveness irritating.. but everyone has their flaws. my future mother in law has 2 sons and 1 daughter and out of the three of them, my boyfriend and i are the most "normal" and undramatic. so i think she finds that to be reassuring. i love her and i know she loves me, and that's what matters the most. i feel really lucky about that.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
I respect my m-i-l, she has accomplished much throughout her life. I'd even say we like each other. We get along just fine and we like the same stuffs (like old movies, older generation actors, collecting vintage stuffs, cooking, designs, etc) so we have stuffs to discuss about or exchange recipes and I've learned quite a bit from her (gardening, cooking, etc) which is awesome, because I appreciate those. My in-laws are more aloof when it comes to getting involved in our life, compared to my parents :p LOL but it's cool, imho, I've read many people complain about their in-laws and how nosy they get, but my in-laws totally let us decide things for ourselves, how we want to raise our kid, and etc, never once an unsolicited advise (in front of me anyway, hubby said that they do give him some flack if they think he's not doing things right LOL).
bonchicbongenre bonchicbongenre 7 years
You ladies are lucky. I have tried everything to get along with my future mother-in-law, but to no avail. She is cordial to my face, but extremely passive aggressive. My finance is her oldest and she definitely is having trouble cutting the umbilical cord. She goes out of her way to exclude me, including not inviting me on family vacations and not allowing me in family pictures at weddings. My birthday was last month, and she did not even have the courtesy to wish me a happy birthday. She is also very critical and always has a snide comment about my cooking, decorating, and job. Sigh... maybe things will get better after the wedding, but I doubt it.
SeaAre86 SeaAre86 7 years
I feel lucky to have such a nice one!!! She is really fantastic and loving. I had an ex who was a total momma's boy.. and that... was really difficult. :(
Florida-Snow Florida-Snow 7 years
My future mother-in-law is an absolute peach. I love her and what's more important, she loves me! :) I'm really, really lucky.
green-socks green-socks 7 years
We get along, but I wouldn't say we're best buddies. While I appreciate her love and support, it usually comes wrapped in God's blessings. While that doesn't offend me, my gent can sometimes get a bit annoyed at all of the not so subtle "I hope I'll see you in heaven but doubt it"-kind of comments.
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