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Do You Have a Frenemy?

I think I’m out of the loop because I only heard the term frenemy recently. As you can guess, frenemy is a slang term used to describe a person who is both an enemy and a friend. At first I found this idea plain silly; how could someone be both of those things at once? But then I recalled a relationship I once had with a co-worker. While I called this woman a friend, and overtly treated her like one, in reality I actually didn’t care for her all that much. Her “friendly” competition was not what friendship is all about.

It seems like many women feel like they have to be friends with everyone, even if they don’t necessarily like that person, creating a lot of situations for frenemy relationships to grow. Is this term legitimate? Have you ever had a frenemy?


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n_a_n_z_y n_a_n_z_y 9 years
hi!!!! ok well i need advice well i considered this girl my best friend my sister in fact. just recently we were at a club and the guy i liked wanted to dance with her and she followed him they were dancing right in front of me , i don't know if he did it to make me jealous or just cause he likes her but he looked at me ..the sitution is i can't trust her after she did that ...right ???? what should i do with her ..
lushylashes lushylashes 9 years
ha ha ha frenemy that's great! chuckles
BeautiJunki BeautiJunki 9 years
We all have them whether you know it or not, mine are commonly co-workers. It's better to keep em' close.
JessLehry JessLehry 9 years
One of my closest friends I sometimes think of as a frenemy. She is a little too competitive and catty at times, and that's where it crosses the line. It causes arguements that happen frequently...
thegiraffe thegiraffe 9 years
This is perfectly possible, if you're competitive in nature. I have two girls which I consider two of my best friends ever. But dang, we're competitive. Especially when it comes to achievement in school or career. If either of them achieves something, I feel motivated to do better. And if I do something, they congratulate me with a teeth-gritting smile. I remember telling one of them I got admitted into this really good university. The reaction? "Oh, I've never heard of that school. Are you sure it's good?". Both of them give me snooty remarks when they're feeling insecure. (To my truthful credit, I never do this. I simply smile, go home and express my nervousness to my family and/or loved ones. Ha. I know better than to show my insecurity outside. And yes, this is a tip to all of y'all ;)). But the cool thing about both of them? I know that we understand each other more than non-competitive people ever could, because that's just part of all our natures. I know I could call (especially one of them) in the middle of the night in tears telling them my boyfriend broke up with me and she'd be right over with cookies, icecream & a shoulder to cry on. The other one is by turns snooty and mean, or a great big sister I can rely on for (even career!) advice. Our competitiveness builds a strange bond between us. Yup, they're definitely both friends and enemies.
anon321 anon321 9 years
i'm pretty easy to get along with and i try to avoid people who are *fake* like that but i've been in that situation before where i've felt like i had to be nice to somebody that i didn't care for. i don't like doing that, if i feel that way about a person i usually try to avoid social situations with them, but if i see them somewhere i'm nice to them.
sanriano sanriano 9 years
haha, FRENEMY, the episode from Sex and the City. yes, they do say 'keep ur friends close but ur enemies closer'. that's pretty hard for me to live by. im not much of a faker and it makes me gag when im near anyone unlikeable who pretends to be nice. so most of the time, i just steer clear of them. but if placed in a situation, like in a professional work environment, i'd have to take compazine before facing any 'frenemy' to keep myself from vomiting in disgust.
darkangel2305 darkangel2305 9 years
I normally let people know how I feel. But in a professional work environment cattiness is just ridiculous and being seen as a bitch can seriously jeopardize your success. So yes I have one because there is a saying about keeping your enemies closer...
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 9 years
I do, but not by choice :( It was this girl I trained at work.. and I thought everything was dandy until she got caught slacking off, assumed it was me who ratted her out for no reason and decided to make me HER frenemy. She's really nice to my face but will run to our manager the second she gets her hands on something she can spin to my disadvantage. I just try to associate with her as little as possible because I don't want to get involved in the high school drama, but when we are together I am *required* to be civil.
alphaxigirl07 alphaxigirl07 9 years
no, not really. i guess i have one, same situation as ashcwebb.. boyfriend's brother's girlfriend. can't stand her, but i have to try to!! haha. not because i want to, but because i like everyone else in the family and want to show them respect. i could care less about her! and i really like what akirstin said, that is so true. i am the same way.. i'd rather have no friends at all then to have friends who are talking behind my back about me.. aka people who aren't your friends! if i ever don't like someone who has been involved in my life or i find out someone has disrespected me in some way, i'm just done. i don't have time to play games.. it's too immature and annoying. i have better things to be doing and i am busy enough as it is without having to deal with that kinda drama!!
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
If i don't like you, you KNOW it. ain't no shakin' and bakin', or fadin' the funk. and anything i have to say about a person, i have NO PROBLEM saying to their FACE. i don't do that 'behind their back' sh*t.
tee0206 tee0206 9 years
I haven't had a frenemy since high school.
gruaig_rua gruaig_rua 9 years
Yes I've had a few but only in work situations.
LadyP LadyP 9 years
Never heard this term until today! But I would have to say that I have had a couple of "frenemys" in my life time.
isleofbeauty isleofbeauty 9 years
I have had an experience with one woman i completely trusted. i shared intimate stories with her about relationships. found out she had lied about every aspect of her life to me and gone behind my back and betrayed my trust. TO another friend we had in common !we still talk because she knows alot and could do damage. but you can bet i have learned the art of lying, TO HER.
kia kia 9 years
can a sister count as a frenemy? I can trust mine as far as I can throw her, but she is my sister.
emalove emalove 9 years
No...if someone irritates me, I don't stay friends with them!! The concept of this is a little confusing to me, I guess.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
I agree. I'm terrible at faking it. My face tells all. No frenemies here!
bellaressa bellaressa 9 years
People at work are co-workers not friends unless you take it in that direction.
Marci Marci 9 years
I don't, no. My time is far too valuable to spend with anyone I don't really like, so except for work situations, never.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I'm with UrbanBohemian and AKirstin. I used to have a couple of frenemies, but I decided to raise my standard, and got rid of them. Nowadays, I have only positive friends in my life.
bellaressa bellaressa 9 years
No, I don't have any people in my life as of now like this. I like to be surrounded by honesty, not BS. Maybe, she is not a frenemy but an associate.
AKirstin AKirstin 9 years
Anyone who makes me feel bad, in any way, has no place in my life. Period. I'd rather be all alone than have friends who aren't *really* my friends.
UrbanBohemian UrbanBohemian 9 years
I'm way past having frienemies. There were phases in high school in college when I had them; now I just have my true friends. It involved communicating with them to figure out if they were one or the other. So I just kept the ones that were good and I cut out the toxic ones.
i do, although it is more on her end than mine. and, like ash i kind of cant cut her out of my life because she is part of a group of friends i've had since college. i just try my best not to annoy her when i am around her, but i don't think it matters what i do, she finds ways to get pissed/jealous no matter what. she even got all pissy when i got into a car accident once... i like her just fine, but it's hard to be friends with some one who gets mad at you for being you.
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