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Do You Have a "Gay Best Friend"?

Do You Have a "Gay Best Friend"?

Every single woman needs a gay best friend to give her crucial dating and fashion advice, or so the axiom holds. There's even a definitive book on the genre of friendship — Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys — which celebrates "one of the most important relationships in a straight girl's life."

In a piece in Salon today, writer Thomas Rogers has a more critical take on the stereotypical relationship. He writes:

From Sex and the City (Carrie and her queeny sidekick Sanford) to The Real Housewives of Atlanta (NeNe Leakes and her "gay boyfriend"). It's turned what was once a special relationship between two cultural outsiders — gay men and the straight women who love them — into an eye-rolling cliché. It also turned me and other young gay men into something unexpected: a must-have item.

Rogers argues that the so-called gay best friend should just be called "a friend." That works for me. Is there someone in your life you consider to be your gay best friend.

Join The Conversation
Frenched Frenched 7 years
I don't have a gay best friend, nope. I also agree with the commenters who say that having a gay "bestie" seems like the new accessory nowadays. It's really dumb.
sloane220 sloane220 7 years
i'm a lesbian and have gay male friends. i can't stand the thought of being reduced to one facet of my being (my homosexuality) and i can't stand it when it happens to gay men. you're either cool with people or not, their sexuality should be incendental not stereotyped and then coveted based on an asinine, isipid stereotype.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 7 years
not my best friend but i have a very good friend who is gay
jessy777 jessy777 7 years
I do. I love my friend, no matter the orientation. We do sometimes joke about this concept but we know that it is only skin deep. I couldn't imagine my life without him. Friends shouldn't be accessories.
Ac2366 Ac2366 7 years
My best friend is a sexually confused male. He's 27 and still trying to figure it out. All he knows is he's not straight. I've known him almost my entire life and we've been friends forever and can can anything to each other. I don't think it has anything to do with his sexual preference though. We're just a couple of big mouthed people that happen to get along well.
sweetpeabrina sweetpeabrina 7 years
Like Whiplash, my BFF happens to be a gay male. He's not a commodity or accessory. He's just my bestie.
mix-tape mix-tape 7 years
I don't think that it's unusual for a straight woman and a gay man to become close friends (as I felt the article insinuated), it just seems like there are so many common things to discuss. I have a few gay friends (both male and female) that I care deeply about, but wouldn't ever refer to them as my gay best friend. They are definitely not a "must have accessory" LOL.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 7 years
Well he's not my best friend, but he is a good friend of mine who happens to be gay.
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 7 years
Yes, and I also agree with Whiplash.
poptart-princess poptart-princess 7 years
actually, the majority of my friends are gay men and i'm straight.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 7 years
I do have one.. but he used to be simply my best friend until about a year ago.
How wonderful for Thomas Rogers to be the newest 'must-have item'! ~shaking head~ I never really 'got' the 'You're gay?! We must, must, MUST be best friends, here and now!' attitude I see so many women wear. They're probably the same silly fashionistas who carry around dogs in huge bowling bags and teeter on no-heel heels! I have friends who are black, white, Indian, etc, straight, gay, confused, etc. Who cares WHAT they are as long as they are a true friend? Good for Thomas Rogers for rolling his eyes at this one. And another thing! Does that site really think straight women lust after their gay best friends? What's going on here?
spicyaroma spicyaroma 7 years
Not really. One of my best friends is camp, a lot of people think he's gay, but he's not :) And I agree with Whiplash, the label is very offensive. It's making them sound like the latest accessory or something.
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 7 years
I agree with a lot of the comments here, that calling him a "gay best friend" is offensive. I've known this guy since we were 13 and he didn't come out to me until 4-5 years later. I didn't become his friend because it was hip or edgy, or because he gave me fashion advice.
Mariana48 Mariana48 7 years
yes but i don't think of him as my gay best friend, just my best friend period. we've known each other for like 10 years and considering we are both 20 thats half our life :)
zabrow zabrow 7 years
my best friend is gay, but we were friends before i ever knew he was gay (we were friends since we were 14 & he didn't come out until we were 21)... but there's no way he'd ever give me advice on shoes or dating. calling someone your "gay best friend" vs just your "best friend" is so reductive & kind of offensive, in my opinion.
wackdoodle wackdoodle 7 years
Not any more. I did for about 9 years then I started getting healthy and began to rethink our friendship. I realized that our friendship wasn't healthy or productive and that he was incredibly selfish, a liar and had no redeeming qualities so I ended our friendship as best I could. But of course he's bitter and vindictive so it will never truly be over. His being gay had nothing to do with my reevaluating and ending our friendship.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Also, I would like to add that I known this friend for most of my life.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Yes, I do. I'm with Whiplash -- my dear friend happens to be gay.
starbucks2 starbucks2 7 years
I hate this. Yes, I have a gay best friend and I hate the comments on how hip that is and every girl needs one. I've known him for 12 years, long before he even knew he was gay (we were 11 at the time) and I love him as person, not because he gives me advice on men or shoes!
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 7 years
I suppose so, but I don't think of him as my "gay friend." He's just a good friend of mine who happens to be gay. :shrug:
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