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Do You Have a Hard Time Apologizing?

Some people have a hard time apologizing. They'd rather pretend nothing happened and evade responsibility for actions that hurt someone else.

Others fudge and deliver the classic non-apology apology, which might be more frustrating than not getting any apology at all. It's usually a variation on the "I'm sorry you feel that way" theme, deflecting the wrong-doer's responsibility and putting the focus on the recipient and her flawed or misguided reaction. Ultimately — it's not an apology.

There are lots of reasons apologizing is hard, according to Psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwi. It's a blow to our egos to apologize, because we are admitting weakness, because we're asking for forgiveness (which puts the other person in a power position and makes us feel vulnerable), or perhaps it reminds us of being the child to a critical parent. And then there are those who are in total denial completely: if I don't acknowledge I did anything wrong, the thinking goes, I must not have done anything wrong.

As anyone who was on the receiving end of bad behavior will tell you, an apology is crucial. You can't regain trust or respect from a person you hurt if you don't acknowledge what you did, make amends, so that the relationship can move forward.

Image Source: Getty
fashionplate525 fashionplate525 8 years
I have the opposite problem, I apologize all the time-even if it isn't my fault! :/
betty-kraker betty-kraker 8 years
not at all i will say im sorry if i am in the wrong and i dont have a problem saying i was wrong and u were right either one time a bunch of ppl were at my house i i thought i was right on something well i was wrong so i told my boyfriend you were right all the ppls here jaws hit the floor
tlsgirl tlsgirl 8 years
I hate apologizing first when both people are wrong. I usually do it anyway, but it comes out snippy and sounds very obviously "fine, you win, whatever" -ish. If I'm seriously wrong and it's just my fault, I'll admit it though.
gigly_grl gigly_grl 8 years
I have a hard time reading that "i'm sorry you feel that way" is seen so badly by some people... I guess it just depends on the situation and the people involved. I've said that (and had many say it to me), or variations of it, in the past and it was completely sincere.. but the intent to hurt someone was not there so it made sense. It usually goes along the lines of "i'm sorry you feel that way, i'm sorry you're hurt but that wasn't my intention"
kulikuli kulikuli 8 years
i dont have a problem at all with apologizing, my sister however, will say the "im sorry you think that, or im sorry you feel that way" She's never sorry for actually doing something or hurting my feelings or anyone else's for that matter and it really irritates me when people can't take ownership of their actions.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
No, not at all. If I screwed up, I have no problems apologizing. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes. I'm not the only one.
cfp cfp 8 years
I have a really hard time apologizing. I definitely think it has to do with admitting weakness. It kind of goes along with how uncomfortable I am talking about my feelings. It makes me feel vulnerable and weak...admitting that I'm wrong and asking for forgiveness makes me feel equally uncomfortable. I can say "I'm sorry" for the dumb things like I was clumsy and accidentally broke something or knocked something over...but when I hurt someone and know that I'm wrong. That's another story.
vmruby vmruby 8 years
No.....If i'm wrong than i'll own it. It's never been hard for me to apologize.
gigly_grl gigly_grl 8 years
I used to apologize way too much, now i still do it even when the person says everything's ok - unfortunately not everyone will admit that there is a problem let alone what it is. Like so many other things in life you can't please everyone and everyone interprets things differently. I wish I could read minds :P
Jabbadoo Jabbadoo 8 years
Sure, it can be hard to do sometimes.. no one likes uncomfortable situations. However, after you do it, it's done. I was always told to keep the apology simple, straighforward, sincere and never use the words "if" or "but" or "for". Because when you say things like I'm sorry IF I hurt your feelings or IF you took it the wrong way or IF IF IF - you are not apologizing that you DID hurt their feelings, just that you are sorry they didn't like it.. just say "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" or "I'm sorry, BUT I thought you should know... I'm sorry BUT I'm just eing honest, I'm sorry BUT I have a good reason.." The word "BUT" conveys, "I'm telling you sorry, but really I'm not...for whatever reason i'm now stating" ( I think I'm sorry, BUT, is JUST RUDE, yes i'm talking to you Kanye, you asshat.) And "I'm sorry FOR hurting your feelings.. might indicate you are not sorry for other things, "I'm sorry FOR hurting your feelings (but I'm not sorry I said it.." Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but I thought you should know. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, (you're too sensitive) All those really would be better with just: I'm sorry. or... I'm sorry I hurt you. A sincere apology demonstrates that you take responsibility for your actions, thoughts or words. Be a grown up.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 8 years
If i need to apologize than I will. It has never been hard for me to say I'm sorry.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 8 years
I have to admit sometimes is hard for me to apologize. Specially with the family I have that the way for them to apologized is to pretend nothing happen, I heat that. I apologize when I do something wrong; even though, sometimes is not easy to say it.
kia kia 8 years
If I am straight out wrong I put on the big girl pants and apologize sincerely and immediately. The hard ones are when it takes time to process that you did something wrong because you are genuinely learning. These are usually the apologies I make to my husband and wince because I am on the fence if I should be sorry. Overall these one the fence ones go 50/50 and have really helped me grow as a person.
jessicaeden jessicaeden 8 years
I have the opposite problem -- I apologize too much!! I'm working on it though. :)
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