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Does an Engagement Story Matter?

Does an Engagement Story Matter?

When it comes to popping the question, men typically face a lot more pressure. Traditionally, they're the ones who have to pick out a ring, get on one knee, and hope that she says yes. But once she does, nothing else should matter right?

Not exactly. As a newly engaged couple you might find yourself being asked: so how did he ask? Which could be awkward if you don't have a good story to tell. Yesterday a recently-engaged reader vented about her situation. She wrote: "Well, after we ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at some run down picnic table he got up, knelt down and asked me to marry him.  As soon as I realized what he was doing I thought "not now!" but held my tongue and just went with it." Now she's embarrassed about telling people how they got engaged. Of course, you could make this very story sound romantic by emphasizing how cute and authentic it was that he proposed while you were doing something as simple as eating PB&J. Like my dad always says: "the quality of your life depends on the story that you tell."

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Source: Flickr User dexodexo

Join The Conversation
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 7 years
@ anonymous Yikes! I would never tell him I was disappointed in the way that he asked!!! Likely, it would be o-v-e-r &/or the poor guy would be scarred for LIFE! I think it's important to keep realistic expectations (not that romance is dead), but not every guy is going to be able to deliver a proposal like you see in the movies. I wouldn't care about what others thought. It's your story & your marriage, not theirs.
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 7 years
A special moment is a special moment..whether it's over PB&J or flan. ;)
divinedebris divinedebris 7 years
When I first got married I was really self conscious of how we decided to get married. There wasn't really any proposal, we just decided that it was time and made the arrangements and then let the family know. But knowing my husband and myself you'd know that fits us pretty well, we're not showy people and very casual about things. It did matter to me that there wasn't a story but now I don't care but maybe it's because I care about my marriage and not about some story to tell others. Oh, and the post about how the woman was upset about how her fiance proposed because it wasn't "special" enough enraged me. It's sad that is the foundation that she wants to begin her marriage on; makes me pity her and her future husband.
Soniabonya Soniabonya 7 years
To a degree, yes, but to scoff at any proposal of marriage made by your loved one is just mean. The person loves you, the person may be nervous as hell, might be afraid of you freaking out falling off a cliff or saying no. The fact that they love you, went through finding a ring, and want to be with you for the rest of their lives should be good enough. We can all imagine what the proposal would be like, but we will never get the exact way we want it unless we say so but where is the surprise/fun in that? My fiance (sneaky basterd) proposed to me on the cliffs in La Jolla, on our annual trip to San Diego where we met. No fireworks, no band playing. Just us looking at pelicans, the beach and a photo shoot of a model in a swim suit below us. I turned to take a picture of a seagull and next thing I know he is on his knee. I believe the words "you dumb ass" were uttered by me before a stuttered "yes". No proposal will be the same. Each one is a special story, no matter how simple or how elaborate it may have been. It's your proposal. Your story. The beginning of the next chapter in the book of your lives together.
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
amanda that is freaking hilarious. :D God I hope that's how I get proposed to. I wish I could say it didn't, but come on. It matters to some degree. At least to me it does. Who doesn't want a romantic or funny story to tell? But really, I'm sitting here trying to imagine how I would feel if my boyfriend proposed to me in the worst place ever, with the worst timing, or what have you, and honestly anything sh*tty can happen and nothing would sway me. I would do that Hollywood thing and weep and say YES! because I absolutely adore him. Of course, I can't say for sure til that day even comes, but I really don't think it matters. Not if you know he absolutely meant it, even if he was a wreck.
starbucks2 starbucks2 7 years
Amanda, hands down, that is the best engagement story I have ever heard! LMAO!
amandachalynn amandachalynn 7 years
To me, the story does not matter at all! My husband was drunk! He was so nervous about asking me that he drank way too much. Finally, when we got home, he slobbered "will you marry me?" I said yes, then he smacked my ass and passed out. Hilarious! We still laugh about it and that was 5 years ago. He made up for it by asking again after the ring was ready, but I still prefer the original!
kristints kristints 7 years
I'm glad you asked this because I was furious yesterday when I read that. I feel so bad for this woman's fiance. If a man tries to do something that will make his girlfriend/wife happy, it's never enough. The woman always has to be in control. I just hope that this woman someday realizes that engagement story means NOTHING. It's the MARRIAGE that's important.
chloe-bella chloe-bella 7 years
"I have a friend whose husband practically threw the ring at her, too nervous to ask, and this was after she gave him an ultimatum and picked out her own ring and planned their own vacation so she could get asked...i mean that story SUCKS...but their relationship also sucks so put it into perspective here" Skigurl - I had a roommate who did the EXACT SAME THING! And then she went on and on about how awesome their tropical engagement was and it's like, well hopefully you liked it since you were the one who planned it! I think any attempt by a guy to come up with a proposal on his own is better than one where the girl plans the whole thing in advance!
franceslopez franceslopez 7 years
I don't think it matters. But then, I wouldn't like a surprise proposal at all, I'd like to have discussions about a number of things beforehand so to have someone suddenly go down on one knee would be quite stressful. Also, I'd probably die laughing.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
I guess I opted 'no,' because that's just how things are around me. My friends (female and male) and my family members (cousins--whomever my age) NEVER asked me about engagement story. I understand why my family member don't ask--since they're Asians and traditional, and they're more concerned about the wedding parties, babies--but my friends who are supposedly exposed to the 'engagement and wedding are priority' culture never asked me how I got engaged to my hubby. I never really shared too. They knew we're engaged and they knew we eloped and next year, we're holding our wedding reception and that's about it :) But I understand that for some, the story of engagement is super important. They like to tell the story again and again, reminisce or be proud of it, etc. I'm just not like that. Different person, different stroke. P.S. The proposal over PB&J actually sounds v. adorable to me (when I'm imagining it, it looks and feels romantic, like a scene over some indie movie), it's unfortunate that the OP was very disappointed in it.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
let's put it this way: guys are expected to buy a 10 thousand dollar present that you will wear for the rest of your life and then orchestrate the perfect moment, and while they are doing the most nervewracking thing they will probably ever do, they are expected to also have a romantic speech prepared and ensure this moment goes off without a hitch i think i'd be nervous too, and there's a chance i'd mess up!
nancita nancita 7 years
I really think the whole proposal story situation has gotten way out of control. I do think it's nice to have a sweet story, but that doesn't mean it has to be over the top. People just go so overboard in engineering a massive "moment," when really the best moments, to me, are the quiet ones that are packed with meaning. If you really want to get married, the moment will be meaningful no matter what!
FireFly44 FireFly44 7 years
This makes me think of Sex and the City where Charlotte finally just asks Trey herself and says "We should get married" and he says "Alrighty" lol She hates the way it happened and makes up her mind to change the way it went down if anyone asks. I have had friends who got proposed to by the guy just handing them the ring and saying "So will you?" I can see how it could be disappointing but most guys are SO nervous and just want to get it done that they probably don't realize the elaborate stories we've made up in our minds about how it should be. As long as you are in love and the marriage is good...who cares about the proposal, or the ring for that matter!
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
It matters to a point, but that post from the other day was taking it too far.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
I think you can add romance to any situation. But I guess it's normal to have your hopes up. I blame television and movies. Every moment that is supposed to be "perfect" has a script, good lighting, and a soundtrack. That doesn't happen in real life. Remember when you lost your virginity? "That was it?" Remember when you got proposed to? "That was it?" Remember when your wedding day was finally over after a year of grueling planning? "That was it?" Don't expect your life to be a movie. It's real life. And it's as romantic as you're willing to look at it :)
lawchick lawchick 7 years
I voted no, but I don't think there is anything wrong with being a little disappointed (temporarily) if the proposal isn't what you expected. We decided to get married over dinner one night at Macaroni Grill. We had talked about it for a long time, but my now-husband couldn't afford a ring, and that was keeping him from proposing. He wouldn't have been able to afford what he considered a decent ring (not huge, I'd say he'd consider .5 c decent) for quite some time after that, as he was a grad student. So, I told him I REALLY didn't care about having an engagement ring and we decided to get married! There is nothing romantic about that story, but I'm not embarrassed by it. I know too many women who have had amazing engagements and rings and who are now divorced to believe that a fancy engagement is necessary for a successful marriage (and we've been happily married 3 yrs w/o one).
imLissy imLissy 7 years
I read someone's proposal story who wasn't even proposed to at all. They just decided to get married and went to pick out the ring. But the way she talked about the day, it was a great story. It's all how you spin it. Course one of my friends was proposed to while my dog was jumping on the guy. It was absolutely the least most romantic time he ever could have chosen to propose. It wasn't even funny really. She made him do it again which I think was valid. They never got married though, lol.
kismekate kismekate 7 years
Movies and television have warped our expectations. It's sad, really. Because I think that in these situations, a lot of people feel let down, but will never admit it. While I commend her for admitting her disappointment, it's nothing to dwell over. If she didn't like it. Fine. Like your wedding. Like your marriage. Like your future. Everything from this point on you have control over.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
it matters to a degree - the PB&J story, to me, is cute...sure you weren't somewhere "pretty" but you were out in nature having a picnic...i mean, it sounds pretty cute to me i have a friend whose husband practically threw the ring at her, too nervous to ask, and this was after she gave him an ultimatum and picked out her own ring and planned their own vacation so she could get asked...i mean that story SUCKS...but their relationship also sucks so put it into perspective here i think it would be nice to have a nice story, but i dont think it needs to include a horse and carriage and fireworks...if you don't like the PB&J sandwich element of your story, leave it out, but almost any engagement story is romantic because, as starbucks said, he has asked you to spend his life with him...that's romantic in itself!! (unless you had to give him an ultimatum. then you're stupid and crazy)
starbucks2 starbucks2 7 years
People put to much emphasis on what other people think about their relationship. I personally wouldn't care if they think it was romantic enough. Being asked is romantic in itself!
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