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Does He Really Love Me?

"Am I Overthinking His Feelings For Me?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I were at a friend's place the other day. This friend is reputed to being very wise! So we were all talking about marriage and stuff and this "friend" said that he thinks two people should marry only when they are 100 percent what the other wants and if he/she is 98 percent what you want, the other 2 percent would make troubles sooner or later.

That night I was dancing with my BF — soon to be my fiance — and jokingly, I asked if I were his 100 percent. He said sure, what else do I need? Do you want me to count? You're beautiful, you have great body, you are emotionally available, you are kind and passionate . . .


The thing is, every time we're talking about loving each other he starts to count these characteristics and damn it gives me the feeling of being calculated! Like, you have this, checked, you have that, checked. And when ever I think about loving him I only think about loving HIM without any reason and loving all he is and has. This is why I am always paranoid that he does not TRULY love me and in fact he thinks that it's good for him to love me and be with me!

Am I over analyzing this? Am I panicking because I'm thinking about spending the rest of my life with a man who pretends to love me? And do you think the above mentioned friend is right? I mean, I thought two people must work through their difficulties and things they are different in.

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steph1234 steph1234 5 years
I have been married for 10 years. I can tell you that even if you are 100% when you marry, 10 years down the road you both change, situations change, and your perspective changes. I think it's a nice concept....I mean when you're looking for someone to marry everone has some sort of expectations of what they want their spouse to be or qualities to have (honest, good looking, responsible, similar religious views, etc). However, in a marriage you will NOT always agree on everything....and instead of giving up like most do now days because divorce is so 'easy' work through those differences and see those differences as a good thing...for husband and I have very similar personalities, but the differences that we do have compliment one example...I am a task master and ...he is laid back and likes to be more spontaneous...both can be good in different situations, so what I'm saying is, you don't need to overanalyze his 'list' of you...i think guys in general do that anyway, plus he was paying you a compliment...telling you the things he loves about you...if you just don't feel he's the one, then don't move forward, but if you do, and you're just putting too much stock into what this 'friend' is saying...then move forward and enjoy this time with him!
Silje Silje 5 years
Def. overthinking. Agreeing with amvck about the reassuring part. Relax. He said 100%. If he had said 95% there would have been reasons for worrying a tiny bit. 
amvck amvck 5 years
I think that it just sounds like he's trying to reassure you. Any time a girl asks a question like that we want to hear "yes" and once in a while why he thinks that. I do believe in women's intuition though, so if your gut is screaming at you and you really feel like he doesn't love you then you should talk to him about it. 
matoad matoad 5 years
This '100%' thing sounds really confused to me. Sure, if a person doesn't have 100% of what's really essential to you, that'll make things difficult.  But how do you know what's essential? By working through things together and finding out if you can get over them or not. And a relationship itself changes what you define as essential. Bottom line: This whole 100% idea assumes a certainty about what you need in a partner that no one actually has before living through a relationship. As for the check list thing... I wouldn't be a huge fan of it either, but he may just have the habit of expressing himself that way, and actually mean it as a compliment to you. Then again, it actually may reflect his attitude. Which may still be fine - all those awesome things he lists are You after all. But yes, I've always found the check list mentality hard to handle in longterm relationships (read: I break up with that sh**). Think trophy wife and stuff... So: Ask him!! Not as a huge deal, just tell him that it puzzles you and ask how he actually means it.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Yes, you're overanalyzing, yes, two people do need to negotiate their issues and differences and work through things, and don't worrry so much about "for the rest of your life." Life happens one day at a time, and committment happens the same day at a time. It's easy to be committed, even when it's hard to say it or think it or anticipate that forever's really today. Tomorrow is about financials, goals individually and familialy, but the relationship is really today. Don't worry about the percentage conversation. We, each of us, have our own way of conceptualizing or envisioning relationships. You don't need to adopt someone else's just develop your own, as a woman, and as a partner. best of luck, relax, have fun loving :)
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
Your are way over thinking this. Actually, it sounds to me like he's thought about your relationship and the notion of love and really knows what things he loves about you. I don't see anything wrong with that. And don't think too much about that percentage conversation either. I thought my ex husband was my 100%. Like BiWife said, it's all about communication, trust, faith, hope, etc. You have to nurture your relationship and grow with it. Good luck.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
yes, you are overanalyzing. he's listing things to try and show you how awesome you are. No one is perfect, there will be issues periodically in any relationship. Being each other's "100%" is no guarantee of happiness. Building communication and learning forgiveness (forgiving yourself and the other person) are much more likely to help you make it through the long haul.
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