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The Double Standards of One-Night Stands

My DISFunkshion: The Double-Standard of One-Night Stands

Here's a post from OnSugar blog My DISFunkshion.

If a man has a one-night stand, he celebrates his victory and receives numerous high fives from friends. If a woman has a one-night stand, she either must have been looking for more than a one-night stand, and was fooled, or she made a terrible mistake.

Why can’t a woman receive the high fives the next day? Trying to picture this scenario, it’s pretty easy to tell that something is a bit awkward here. It seems that a woman celebrating her one-night stand, instead of crying or hiding her face in shame, is socially . . . awkward.

Keep reading.

Society says that men are dominant, and that it’s up to the man to find his woman. In order to do that we suppose he should be allowed a few one-night stands. But a woman is supposed to sit around and wait for a man to find her, so for a woman to proudly admit to a one-night stand, or even to asking a man out, is socially looked down upon.


But what if we want to have a one-night stand and brag about it the next day? How can we do this without harsh judgment? In truth, we can’t. We’re going outside of social norms and that will always bring persecution from somewhere.

The only option is to live your life the way that makes you happy. And if you’re happy, who cares what someone else says?

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Join The Conversation
Lyv Lyv 7 years
I think if you had a one night stand, or any kind of casual sex so great you want to brag about it, but can't cause your friends will judge you... first you need to make some new friends, THEN you worry about changing society's standards. lol
Venus1 Venus1 7 years
I'm totally with Roaring Silence on this. Sadly double standards will always be with us as long as society looks upon sex as something that the woman gives. We should be proud of ourselves as women. More of this can be found on my earlier posting here
twk601 twk601 7 years
no shame in enjoying a one night stand but bragging is tacky
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 7 years
I admit that men especially the jocular sort do the high five thing. When I was in college my friend found out his little brother in h.s. got some and boy you'd think it New Years, lol. I think the problem is the perception that sex is dirty and bad. If we could get over this notion not only would that address this issue but a host of others as well. There's nothing wrong with having sexual fun as long as you're respectful of your partner and safe.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
I'm also wondering about this double standard. I know it must exist to some extent, and certainly has existed in history, but I have never personally encountered it... Am I just lucky? Is everyone else really that oppressed? The few people I can think of who might take issue with a one night stand will never know the details of my sex life. Most people won't, what is there to judge?
jhuseby420 jhuseby420 7 years
I'm confused about the whole men get congratulated thing. I think you girls are getting your information from tv dramas and reality shows, either that or you're in high school. Try not dating frat kids, and see if that changes anything. For most of the men in the real world (the one I live in) we don't go around fist bumping because our buddy had sex... I do understand that American culture has a stigma about women who choose to express their sexuality, and I think it's a crock of shit. But I also think the stigma about guy's thinking about sex in terms of a competition or a conquest is bullshit too. I don't care if my friend's know who I'm having sex with, or how often, and I can guarantee you they don't care either. I care about who I'm having sex with, and how often, and I'm sure they care about who they're having sex with and how often. I hear my girlfriend (and have heard from exes while I was dating them) talk about their friends sex encounters, partners and bloopers (along with any scares) which leads me to believe women are much more open with their friends about their sexual endeavors than men are. We just don't talk about it, unless of course we're still in junior high, or have that same mentality. I don't think it's wrong for women to talk about it either, it's just a difference we have between the sexes.
GregS GregS 7 years
Maybe my friends and I were more honorable or something. We never kissed and told. If something happened that was funny, we may have said something, but not necessarily about who the person was - though that wouldn't have been difficult to tell. But none of my friends have ever congratulated anyone for doing a girl/woman. I find it classless. I've heard anecdotally about this. Seen plays and movies, seen comics joke about it. Never witnessed. I see that the web page was "updated", so they took my spell check away. :( Now you'll see how bad my spelling is and how difficult it can be for a dyslexic like me. I'll apologize now for all my mistakes.
primerstar6 primerstar6 7 years
there is a total double standard in our culture; for single men sex is usually about conquest or accomplishment, as single women rack up more partners they get denigrated. however, i'd agree with most of the comments that bragging about it is tacky, for anyone. that said, men still get congratulated, and women get a bad reputation. i'm not sure that has anything to do with deception, but instead perception. maybe it isn't about gaining equality, and more about the reality that the common stereotypes about sex aren't correct? not all men are sex obsessed, and not all women hate porn, for example.
jhuseby420 jhuseby420 7 years
Even in high school I was never one who cared about bragging or getting attention for hooking up with someone. I have sex because I like having sex, not because it's a competition. Honestly I've only really experienced girls bragging about sexual encounters (from past and current girlfriends repeating what their friends told them). I've never had a guy friend come up to me and talk about how they just got their dick wet. I think it's more of a girl talk thing anyways (well in adolescents, I could see it being more prevalent with guys).
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I find BOTH men and women bragging about one night stands equally distasteful. Like Tlsgirl, I find it unbecoming to kiss and tell.
MorgynnLynn MorgynnLynn 7 years
It seems like everyone took offense to this article. I didn't realize when I wrote it that it would be offensive to anyone, let alone everyone of both sexes. :) Maybe I went a little extreme in my use of words like "brag", etc... but the point of the article was to show yet another way in which there is still unfair gender stereotypes in our society.
GregS GregS 7 years
Ahem... As a guy, I've never heard my friends bragging about "conquests". I never had a discussion with any of my other male friends that was anything close to it, yet we all knew the deed was being done. If we did something unique, like doing it with another couple or in a park or something, that might be grounds for discussion, but even then, we were guarded. I know some guys, myself included, have had one night stands. Personally, I don't really see anything to brag about. Sometimes it just happens, sometimes one or the other person needs it. Maybe we were more mature at a much younger age.
weffie weffie 7 years
I'm with RoaringSilence, my good friends and I will 'congratulate' each other (for lack of a better word) on new conquests or even funny mistake hookups... But it's not like I spread the news around or brag to a lot of people, it's just what we talk about in the morning :)
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 7 years
I do have a high five attitude with my close friends when I have a one night stand or a new fuckbuddy, but I do still feel kind of ashamed when my hookups know each other, and even worse, know that I've done it with both (or more) of them. Argh.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
I do the same stephdva. And I agree with tlsgirl that it's tacky regardless of whether you're male or female to brag about a one-night stand as if you're still in the locker room at high school. I don't kiss and tell at all. And it's much sexier when guys choose to do the same.
stephdva stephdva 7 years
I just don't tell anyone about my personal life! Only me and the other person know what REALLY happened! I've turned down men who've been interested in dating me long term due to their bragging! Sad but true.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
I think guys who brag about one night stands are usually seeking some kind of validation, and honestly, I think it's a little obnoxious.... if you want to high-five after every sexual encounter, go right ahead, I just hope you don't *need* to.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
Personally, I think the high-fiving, bragging attitude is a bit tacky in guys or girls. Maybe tell a few close friends, but otherwise I'd rather not kiss and tell.
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