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Drunk Sex Regrets

"We Had Drunk Sex and I Feel Awful"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I had been "seeing" this guy for about three months, when it appeared to me that he really wasn't that interested in me anymore. He would always say that I worry too much but eventually admitted that "He didn't want to be in a serious relationship, but enjoyed my company and still wanted to be friends." I stupidly agreed b/c I really liked him.

Through the time we had been seeing each other, we fooled around but never actually slept together. I had told him that I didn't want to have sex unless we were committed and since he couldn't commit, we didn't let it get that far. Well...being the idiot that I am, I decided to hang out with him one weekend and go out to have drinks. He invited me to stay the night since he didn't want me driving home intoxicated, and I agreed. The deal was we'd sleep in different rooms.


Long story short . . . I drank wayyyy too much. I didn't even realize I was so drunk until the morning. I had blacked out, and woke up to find that we had sex. I apparently came on to him, very aggressively and wouldn't take no for an answer. He told me he resisted a couple of times and told me things weren't like that anymore, but I kept pushing. He also said that I was acting completely out of character and that I usually freak out about things like that, but that I was all for it. So he agreed to it.

I don't remember any of it.

Needless to say, he says he had a great time and doesn't regret it and asked that I don't regret it either. I agreed, but told him afterward that being just friends sucks for me. He says he knows, but it's all he can give me.

I feel sooooo embarrassed and ashamed for doing this. I tried so hard not to sleep with him and I suddenly get drunk one night and am all for it!? He tried contacting me a couple of days ago, but I didn't respond. Idk if I should speak to him again. I'm hurt that I let myself get into this situation and also that he agreed to sex when he knew I was acting differently. I know it takes two to tango, but I never wanted it to be this way. Now I just feel hurt, and awkward. He says everything is cool and he's not upset about it, but I feel terrible. I don't like casual sex like that . . . especially with him. I feel cheap.

What do I do? Just move on, ignore him, and forget about the whole thing or talk to him about it? Being just friends is too hard, especially when this just happened. I really like the guy, I just can't believe I let it get that far, especially when I knew he didn't want anything more than friends.

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Join The Conversation
Mickey128 Mickey128 5 years
I have gone through a similar situation like this and I am always harder on myself than others would be. Seeing it from an outside perspective, you should not be ashamed. People make mistakes. It's clear you're a good girl if you only have sex with guys you are committed to. This one situation does not change that. He sounds like an asshole though, and I am always put off by guys that will take advantage of a drunk girl. It says more about him than it does about you. As long as the sex was protected, and you have no questions about STDs or pregnancy, I wouldn't talk to him again. After this, there would be nothing to say. Hope you feel better hun!
Lee492 Lee492 5 years
This should not be embarassing to you. What you did is not in any way shameful. You don't deserve to feel "cheap" - why? You say you "really like this guy" and have been seeing him (on some level) for 3 months, so there's nothing casual about it, it's not like it's some random hookup you met an hour earlier. You know the guy and like him. It's alright. Few phrases irk me like "just friends" - friends are important and often the people we're most comfortable sharing our deepest selves with. You did nothing wrong dear (except over-imbibe, which we've all done). Hold your head up high, and yes, do talk to him.
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Speaking as a guy, in the distant past I was in two situations where I could have taken advantage of a drunken female acquaintance (classmates in school) but I chose not to. The first time I was also drunk, so I was proud of myself the next day. Ergo, I do believe that part of the story because it's possible. Not all men are advantageous pigs. On another note, drunken married sex is great. Especially when you're trying to conceive. That was an awesome six months in 2008! :) As for fakedout19, spare me the moralizing.
MysterieNicole MysterieNicole 5 years
@fakedout19 that's cruel to say, I don't buy his story at all, it just sounds fishy like the other person said, you really shouldn't post things like that on an advice forum, obviously this girl is upset and I feel that you are just making it worse
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
Uh.... not to freak you out, but is there a chance he put something in your drink? His story of gallantly resisting your overtures before finally succumbing to your feminine wiles just sounds really, really fishy to me. Do you usually black out like that? Can you really not remember anything?
fakedout19 fakedout19 5 years
Well, as long as your not married I see nothing wrong with it, but it does say what type of person you could be if all you need to do is go out and drink.. Fakedout419
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
How very odd that you blacked out so totally and completely that you forgot all that? Doesn't sound right somehow. But, let's assume that it happened exactly that way (you'll probably never know). It would be unhealthy to remain friends with this guy, since you want it to be more. I was in a situation once where I stayed in a friendship with someone, but I really wanted to be his girlfriend. The balance was totally off, and eventually the friendship ended. I miss him, but it was for the best. I think that in any relationship, whether romantic or platonic, both people need to be feeling the same way for it to work. I wouldn't answer him, or if you do I would tell him the truth and that you can't be just friends with him anymore. Good luck.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Alcohol drops everyones' inhibitions, not just guys, that's a ridiculous thing to say. Unfortunately, you hooked up with someone willing to take advantage of your lowered inhibitions. Of course you were acting differently, you were drunk! Also, I agree that blacking out sounds, possibly, like rohipnol, not just too much alcohol. Have you ever drunk this much before? what is your experience with drinking? this guy is bad, bad news, stay away from him. If you ever think something wierd has happened, get yourself to an er, and get a blood test. Any drugging will show up and you can press charges. It's important to prevent this from happening again, if possible. Yes, absolutely get tested! You have no idea if he used a don't even remember the event, get tested!!! You goofed, give yourself a break, forgive yourself. Stay away from him, and let your friends know what happened, ask for support, and let them know that everyone they know needs to stay away from this guy too. And check yourself with the alcohol. It sounds to me as though you were drinking specificaly because you wanted to get past your inhibitions, to cut loose. It's an abusive way to use alcohol, not fun or responsible. And get past liking this guy, he's a user. blessed be
cutedez65 cutedez65 5 years
I'm not sure that I believe his story iether. It isnt likely that you would change your entire personality, even if you were drunk. I wouldn't talk to him again and dont let yourself be in that kind of situation again. Yes, it happens and you are partly to blame, but so is he. I'm sorry this happened, but dont go through this alone. Spend some time with your girlfriends and take the time to get over him. Then move on to someone who wont take advantage of you in a moment of weakness.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I'm also suspicious of this guy's statement. It almost seems like you were drugged that you blacked out and didn't remember anything. Really odd. And all you have is his statement. If you guys did have sex, was it protected (did he wear condom, etc?), oh nevermind that, you gotta go get yourself checked, what if he's not telling the whole truth, you'd never know what's really happened if you were completely 'out.' What if he's got STIs etc and you guys were having unprotected sex, and if you're not on any BC, you may want to take preventative measure to avoid unwanted pregnancy. I've never been in that position, but another good lesson is to not let yourself be in that vulnerable position anymore. Good luck.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
It sounds odd to me that you get drunk and can't remember ANYTHING, yet he says you did a bunch of stuff that is TOTALLY out of character for you. I'd almost think he drugged you, or he's just lying.
Pazuzu Pazuzu 5 years
The next time you go out to drink have a responsible friend with you to keep you from drinking that much. I agree with pax though, generally when women drink to much they pass out, but depending on how much you drink and who you are it will lower your inhibitions. Obviously you want to get with this guy, the alcohol allowed you to express that. However, he shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that, he knew you were wasted and shouldn't have had sex. I say just cut him loose, being just friends will hurt you. You'll have to see him with other women or end up a booty call, you don't need that stress. Call him and tell him youre not ok with being just friends so you'd like to end it, and cut off contact with him.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Sounds like he made a lot of that up. Alcohol makes women sleepy, not less inhibitive as it does with males. I would forget it and him, and pass it off as a dream (of his!)
chibros chibros 5 years
The awkward moment when you find out you've landed in Friend-with-benefit Airport. Definitely, you both feels are right, he didn't regret it because all he wanted is just friends with that but you were hurt because you want more. Nothing to talk about, it has already happened and don't blame it on him alone. If you think you still want something serious from him, talk to him on phone and know why he's trying to contact you (Don't start talking about what happened again). If things seems to be in right tract, you might want to give things a try or go and be gone forever. If not never try to be just friends with him, you'll not just be used as a spare Tyre but also you're just reserving some future hurt for yourself when he finds someone else that gives him butterfly in the stomach. Next time play your cards appropriately, so you don't slip from potential date to just friends.
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