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Extra! Extra! Douchebag Expert Answers Your Questions...

It's the moment you've all been waiting for with bated breath. DB1, the expert in all things douchebag and creator of Hot Chicks With Douchebags, took time out of his busy day baggin' douches and takin' names to answer our humble questions. (He chose the reader questions you'll see dotting the interview...) He does not disappoint, people. I suggest sitting somewhere quiet so that you can fully take in these answers. This interview may change your life...

GS: What makes you an expert in doucheology?
DB1: Practicing the art of the Douchestrological sciences requires patience, dedication and lots of hair gel. Only true douche experts can properly analyze the scrotological manifestations and
ramifications of the hottie/douchey coupling, and learn important facts like whether someone close to us loves us, or whether there will be an earthquake in Paraguay.

GS: What got you interested in all things “douche”?
DB1: The 'bag/hottie duality has long fascinated me for its incoherence and illogic. I live in Los Angeles, so witnessing the douchological implications of hot chicks cohabitating with uberdouche began to drive me insane. I began studying the phenomena in greater depth when I began my blog Hot Chicks With Douchebags about a year and a half ago. And yes, that's a gratuitous plug.

GS: Who gives you your pictures? Have you ever snapped any yourself?
DB1: I have gone 'bag hunting on occasion but nearly all the pics I feature are submitted by readers.

GS: What qualities does a douchebag need, technically, to be a douchebag?
DB1: There are a number of main signifiers of Douche Virus in a scrote. Obvious items like the 10 Degree Hat Tilt, the spiked up cactus hair or the Pink Popped I-Zod. But also subtler manifestations, like the Douche-Face or the "westside" hand gesture. My book, coming out this Spring from Simon & Schuster, will categorize all the permutations of Douche.

CestLaVie: Was DB1 directly affected by a douche and the event prompted him to create the site? We have all had douchy encounters but obviously a lot of time and effort is put into the site so the feelings must run pretty deep.
DB1: Yes, it all began when I saw an ex-girlfriend after a number of years dating a ridiculous low pants hanging muscle t-shirted uberchoad. The dude had Chinese lettering tats on his shoulder fer chrissakes. That alone was enough to drive me insane. That traumatic
moment launched me on my current path of spiritual douchesploration
and scrotological examination.

Bella: Can you speak on the phenomenon of the hipster DB? I am happy to provide anecdotal evidence if you need it.
DB1: The HipsterBag, an offshoot of the EmoBag and the RockerBag, is an increasingly disturbing phenomena in recent douchestrology. The HipsterBag works along a subtler douche pathology, utilizing harder to spot tropes than your traditional popped collar and spikey hair.
Giveaways include douchey facial hair, annoying ironic t-shirts like
"Free Winona" or "Free Paris" and, of course, the emotionally detached
douche-face that says, "I'm here but I'm not really here. Because I'm
too ironic to commit to actual emotions." Hipsterbags should be
pepper-sprayed on sight.

GS: Who’s the patron saint of douchebags?
DB1: The Patron Saint is the Holy Source Douche himself, Richard Grieco. But there are a number of primary douchebags including The Baio, The Kid Rock and The Federline.

GS: Has anyone gotten angry about the pictures you put up and threatened you? Or any amusing stories around this?
DB1: I occasionally hear from an upset choadbag I've mocked on the site via his girlfriend, who sends me an angry incomprehensible email about how he's "really sweet" and his faux-hawk "looks bangin'." It's my policy to always remove a pic if someone in the pic requests it. Because deep down, I'm a sweetheart. It's only my surface that's a bitter, angry alcoholic.

Phil: Recent polls have shown a third of douchebags can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?
DB1: I blame the Iraq.

GS: Who do you think is responsible for this look? Whence “douchebag”? I’ve heard it’s been around since the 60s...
DB1: Well, certainly 1950s greasers were early douchebags, and there were many variations in the 60s-80s, but the modern 'bag pretty much showed up in the early 90s with Vanilla Ice, Color Me Badd, NKOTB and the rest.

GS: Who’s a classic cinematic douche?
DB1: Any of the villians in the 80's teen comedies pretty much qualify. I'd say those two guys in Weird Science, one of 'em played by Robert Downey Jr., are a great classic cinema example.

GS: Musical figure who’s a douche?
DB1: Rico Suave aka Gerardo. Proto-type modern 'bag.

GS: Why do you think some women find douchebags hot?
DB1: This is the question that plagues my soul and soils my britches.

CestLaVie: Through all of the scrotal study, do you think that any of the popped collar, white belt toting, "bling" wearing douches actually realize how douchey they appear?
DB1: They have not a clue. But they are barely conscious to begin with, so critical self exploration is not exactly high on their list of
intellectual pursuits.

GS: Is there a female equivalent of a douchebag? Or is it a totally gendered phenomenon?
DB1: Female douchebags are referred to as either "douchebaguettes" or "Bleeths" (Yasmine Bleeth, polluted by Source Douche Richard Grieco). More of this will be dealt with in my book, coming out in the spring from Simon & Schuster. Did I mention my book?

GS: What’s your work/school background? I noticed you referenced Lacan’s “Mirror Stage” at one point, which means you’re either a psychoanalyst or a grad student.
GS: I'm a part-time alcoholic.

GS: Anything else you’d like to add?
DB1: My feet smell like Gouda.

GS: Thanks, DB1!
DB1: May all your weekends be douche-free and may your hotties be un-Bleethed. Thanks Giggle!

Source & Source

LettyRN LettyRN 10 years
Its "bangin"!
EatYourVeggies EatYourVeggies 10 years
I love it. Simply genius.
tooq2love tooq2love 10 years
:rotfl: i blame the iraq :rotfl:
freegracefrom freegracefrom 10 years
Wow. I've learned so so much. Thank you, DB1! And this guy... ... made my stomach turn. It amazes me that guys like this really exist.
workofiction workofiction 10 years
missquiet missquiet 10 years
EmoBags :ROTFL:
flippy flippy 10 years
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