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Feel Left Out For Being a Virgin

Group Therapy: I Feel Like I'm Missing Out Not Having Sex

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I feel left out because I've never had a (real) sexual experience with a guy. I'm not old, but I'm not young given today's standards for losing your virginity. I'm still in school, but not for long.

I kind of feel like a loser of sorts. I'm surrounded by lovely people and friends but sometimes I see/hear them talking about sexual things (it can be anywhere from their birth control routine to something actually explicit) and I feel left out. I especially feel hopeless because there are no prospects on the horizon, so I may be left feeling like this for a while, and it makes me really sore at the heart. I feel as though I'm nothing that special so no one will ever pursue me or want me.


I'm not embarrassed to say that I know what the big O is like because I have my handy little fingers, but I know it's not the same if it's not with someone you love. My virginity, is just this large gray cloud looming over my life.

I keep praying to meet someone (sometimes I feel as though something will catch with a guy, then something ends up going sour) but it's getting tiring and a little pathetic. My mom even prays for me haha . . . sad.

Anyway yeah. I just feel unwomanly and disgusting kind of. I don't know.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
passion8 passion8 5 years
if hte table were turned around and if i was me or another good friend of yours talking about their virginity to you in the same manner as you are what would you advise them to do? what words of wisdom would you share with them? what words of wisdom would you want your mom or me or a close friend to give you? if you could create the perfect responses from people to you, what would they say or do or look like or feel like when you receive them?
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
When reading this post I felt a tone of depression and low self esteem. If you are depressed you should see a Dr. for treatment. I think when you are projecting thoughts of negative self image and worthlessness you are not in a prime mode to attract a good man. That should be the number one thing you work on, then things like a man will follow. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 5 years
When I was in high school a lot o my friends pressured me to lose my virginity because it would "make me popular". Needless tosay I told them where to stuff it. One of the best things I did for myself was wait for the right guy, and wait for the right time with him. When I did lose it I was a lot older then my peers had been (18), but I don't regret it at all. A lot of the girls I know who gave it up early (some as young as 14) because of peer pressure regret it, it's something you can only lose once so make sure you're doing it right.
Mandana85 Mandana85 5 years
I lost my virginity when I was 24. and I lost it to the guy I was in love with. so I don't regret a thing. yes, sometimes it felt like I was missing out on somethings and I DID feel sad. but now that I think of it, it was worthy. sometimes it seemed impossible for me to ever being able to find a right guy. but eventually I did. so cheer up, and don't look for him. actually you should stop looking for him on the horizons! he will come along sooner or later.
lizkasper lizkasper 5 years
I'm sorry this is making you feel less special. Darn society! We seem to have made sexual activity the measure of a person's worth, which couldn't be more wrong. My advice would be to work on finding your value completely outside of sex. Take it out of the equation and remember why you love yourself! And remember, just because sex is talked about nearly everywhere you go, it's not the end-all, be-all people sometimes make it out to be - meaning, your life will not radically change or become magical just because you've had sex. It's a wonderful thing given the right circumstances, but it's not this pinnacle you MUST reach to be happy. I waited until I was married to have sex and I don't regret it one tiny bit. Listen to your soul - follow your heart. Love!
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Girl, I'm sorry you're feelingthis way. It's hard to be the one in the group feeling behind the times. There is no normal rate for people to become sexual with a partner. Perosonal, I'm very glad for you that you have missed that whole 13 and giving blowjobs thing. It's not a good standard to measure yourself by. You dont need to compare yourself to anyone else. You are an individual, with your own reate of social learning, sexual learning.....And good for you and your little fingers! :) There are so many women in our day and age who go thru years and years of never experiencing orgasm. It's very sad. And you do. You are ahead of the game there. And the fact that you are learning about you body and your mind now means that you will have a lot to share with a fella, when it's time, and when everything comes together. I'll let you in on something. Orgasm is easier on your own than it is with a partner. You know what feels good, and where it feels good and teaching a parnter where all of those sweet spots are, is one of the lovely things you will get to experience eventually. But it's also awkward, and clumsy and embarrassing, and those sopts are different for everyone, and not every partner gets that. You you will come to sex with some self knowledge. Good for you. Life is full of sexual experience. Reading, watching, enjoying the view when you're checking out someone delicious looking. Or, hearing sweet words, sweet music that expresses what you're feeling, even before there is someone sharing that with you. Don't feel so sad about what is not happening. Instead, look and enjoy what is. Anticipation of an event can be really delicious, or very nerve wracking and frustrating. It can be all of those things at the same time. Enjoy your sexual experiences, all of them, and believe that they will mature into an opportunity for sharing when your body and your heart, and you libido all come together with an apportiate partner, someone you can trust, can have fun with, can share with, and someone who appreciates you, respects you, and enjoys you. That just doesn't alway happen quickly. If you're finishing school this year, then you know that live will be changing. The scenery will change, the possiblities and opportunities will change. I know, at your age, time can really drag when you're not finding what you want. Have faith in yourself, in your life, that that will change. Enjoy your life now, each moment of it, and believe your future, and know that anything is possible, even when you least expect it. Dont let this lack distract you from all of the other wonderful things in your life. If you look around, it's not so much of a lack as you think. You'll get there. Share who you are now with people who love you, fun in your life, with your life. Laugh. Laugh, and enjoy. There is nothing on the planet more attractive, more enticing than someone obviously enjoying their life, laughing and having a lovely time. It makes everyone want to feel just like that person, wants to know what is making her feel so good, and makes everyone want to share her good feeling with her. Have a happy Thanksgiving, and enjoy all of the holidays coming your way. Smile. Someone special will notice. Blessed be
fabulousfifi fabulousfifi 5 years
Firstly, I would like to say that your virginity is soo precious :) and that losing it is a big thing but there is NO RUSH :) My main advice would certainly be to save it for someone you care about, make it mean something. Don't just lose it to some stranger or guy that means nothing which is more than likely what half the girls you know have done. Yours will mean more than that ;) I'm assuming this because it seems you would like a loving relationship from where you say : "...It's not the same if it's not with someone you love". I think it's great that you want this for yourself . However i certainly think you should value yourself more. You feel as though you are "nothing special". This HAS to change. you are GORGEOUS, ONE OF A KIND and any man would be lucky to have you. You want this loving relationship that you deserve ? You need to learn to love yourself first baby girl ! :) Otherwise you will end up getting walked all over. Build on the relationship with yourself first and the rest will me. Good luck :)
zenliton zenliton 5 years
I don't really know what to say about this..but basically you are feeling bad due to society and peer pressure. And you shouldn't be. You should focus on finding the right guy to do it with for your own happiness and it never hurts to be careful and slow about it. I personally also haven't had the so called real sexual experience. And I'm probably older than you. Some people do say I'm weird and all to withhold it, but I personally only want to do it with my future husband, and only to him. I never felt bad about it. No pressure. It is worst to have done it in a rash moment and live to regret it. Hope you'll feel better!
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