I feel left out because I've never had a (real) sexual experience with a guy. I'm not old, but I'm not young given today's standards for losing your virginity. I'm still in school, but not for long.
I kind of feel like a loser of sorts. I'm surrounded by lovely people and friends but sometimes I see/hear them talking about sexual things (it can be anywhere from their birth control routine to something actually explicit) and I feel left out. I especially feel hopeless because there are no prospects on the horizon, so I may be left feeling like this for a while, and it makes me really sore at the heart. I feel as though I'm nothing that special so no one will ever pursue me or want me.
I'm not embarrassed to say that I know what the big O is like because I have my handy little fingers, but I know it's not the same if it's not with someone you love. My virginity, is just this large gray cloud looming over my life.
I keep praying to meet someone (sometimes I feel as though something will catch with a guy, then something ends up going sour) but it's getting tiring and a little pathetic. My mom even prays for me haha . . . sad.
Anyway yeah. I just feel unwomanly and disgusting kind of. I don't know.