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Feeling Love and Lust at the Same Time

"Is There Such a Thing as a Passionate Relationship?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I feel very young and naive for asking this question, but I wanted to hear other peoples' experiences and opinions. I've recently met someone to whom I was very physically and sexually attracted. You know, the blushing, just-thinking-about-him, making-me-feel-like-a-school-girl-with-a-crush type of attraction, and it's kind of an awesome feeling, especially when it's reciprocated.

I've dated some really good, sweet guys that I've had a lot in common with and loved very much at the time, but I very rarely feel that intense physical attraction. The relationships were still good, and I'm sure passion, even in relationships with that type of intense affection, does fade slightly but I can't help but wonder if I'm missing out.


When this does happen — on occasion — it's usually honestly with a guy who, once I get to know, is not exactly someone I want to date. He's flaky, noncommittal, etc.

So, does it happen? Is this my fault for having weirdly specific physical attraction needs? I'd love to date someone I felt that strongly about physically, but it just doesn't seem to happen.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
Yes, you definitely can have both. I've seen many other people and myself have tried to date someone that I love and respect but don't have that zing for and it's doing no one a favor -- it doesn't work in the long term, is a major heart breaker and very frustrating, and don't talk yourself into it! Everyone wants to feel truly desired, it's very important to a romantic relationship. I've been with my hubby for 10 years, and while it happens less often then in the past I absolutely still get those 'delicious shivers' Henna talked about when I see him on occasion. And I still love dressing up and doing other things to keep his sexual interest. Real life makes us all familiar, and the heart pounding goes away. So it takes effort to spark it but you absolutely need that internal fire for someone from the start of your romantic relationship. Sometimes a friend suddenly becomes more and ignites that fire. The spark is still there just delayed.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
I think most of us have those physical tingles attached purely to a body or face or the smell of his hair. It's a phantasy, a dream, and ocassionally, an adventure. Pheremones.....lust. Physical evolution. I've know friends who had great kids with totaly unsuitable partners.....the marriages didn't last, but the kids produced were pretty incredible. I think that's a lot of what those tingle are.....compatible DNA's recognizing each other. I also think that your experience of these tingly guys not actually being acceptable partners is pretty common. Sometimes it's neccessary to just sit back, enjoy the pretty picture, all of the delicisious shivers, and maybe remember those sensations when you're with a man who obviously enjoys and adores you.....with out the flake.
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