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Finding Yourself

"Is it Possible to Find Myself Outside of a Relationship?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Before I got into the world of dating, I was quite young and naive and expected to maybe date one or two people until I found someone who satisfied me and we would settle down. Or I thought I would be single most of my life, refusing to waste my time on people who were not worthy of my precious time and only be in a relationship when I thought it would be "the one."

Well, much to my surprise, I found it shocking how many people you can date! When one relationship is over, I move onto the next guy, like a factory assembly line. But the point of the matter is, I'm shocked at how easily I let myself move on from one guy to the next. I feel like I'm being disrespectful to a previous relationship if I move on so quickly, that I should allow some time for myself to heal and restore my sense of self. And I don't do it as a rebound relationship; I do it because I feel like I may miss out on an opportunity or, I guess, I do it to help me move on from a previous relationship.

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It's come to a point where I am in between relationships and I want to savor this time, learn from my previous relationship mistakes so that I have a better idea of how to manage the next relationship I get into, maybe even really apply myself to what I want from my life. I feel like maybe I have been hiding behind relationships so that I don't have to face these difficult upcoming decisions, as university comes to an end this year and I have no concrete plans for the future.

But I say I'm in between relationships for a reason, because, as usual, there is an individual with whom I would really like to pursue a relationship. But now I'm confused whether I actually do want to pursue a relationship with him or whether I'm using that as an excuse to not think about my future. I always used to be so logical and focused on what I wanted to achieve in life, but ever since I have lost sight of what I really want, I have begun to throw myself into relationships.

So, my question is: Should I just take time and focus on myself, or is it possible for me to find myself and what I really want out of my future while I'm in a relationship? Or will the relationship just be an excuse for me to avoid these confrontations?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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