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There's a First Time For Everything

There's a First Time For Everything

Dear Sugar
I am a 20 year old college student and have been with my boyfriend for three years. We really love each other and have wonderful chemistry, but there is just one problem; I have never been able to have an orgasm. It's not just with him, it's with any partner I've ever had.

While I enjoy having sex, I have never climaxed, and it isn't because we don't try. We always have very extensive foreplay, we try different positions and both really take time to enjoy each other. When I get aroused and more and more excited, it's like I hit a barrier: the tension stops building and it seems like I'm stuck.

Is it possible that some women are just unable to experience an orgasm? I've never had bad experiences with sex, I'm not on medicines, I'm not embarrassed about my body and I can't think of one good reason why I can't reach orgasm. Please help. Jaded Jessamine

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Jaded Jessamine
Many women have a difficult time having an orgasm in their 20s so don't be hard on yourself. One major problem you could be having is concentrating too hard on reaching a goal. When you are being intimate with your boyfriend, try to be in the moment, enjoy the pleasure you are feeling and most importantly, relax.

Some woman need to explore their own bodies and find out what makes them tick before someone else can do the job for them. Many ladies are inhibited by their bodies but masturbating, in a safe environment without pressuring yourself, should help you learn more about yourself and be a good tool to find ways to pleasure yourself.

Although you are not on any medication, alcohol, and drugs can interfere with having an orgasm. If you get too fed up, talk to your health care provider but first try to take a step back and hopefully once you take the pressure off yourself, you will be pleasantly surprised.

getstinko getstinko 10 years
I say keep trying sans toys as long as you can. invest in lubricants and try to get as hot and worked up as possible. the barrier to orgasm is many times in your head. stimulate yourself with your shower massager, get to know what it feels like to have an orgasm and then try to translate that into actions with your boyfriends penis or tongue. A guy will do everything and anyting to be invited to that party.
aistea311 aistea311 10 years
oh dreamsugar, I concur. I get off the most with toys on my clit, and the only way I can climax with my boyfriend, honestly, is if I pretend I am masturbating. We have been together for a long time, and he has only brought me orgasm once, so it could happen, you just wont know until you clear your mind. All in all, MASTURBATING IS KEY to a healthy relationship.
dreamsugar dreamsugar 10 years
I can only reach the goal with toys - and if the toy is positioned on the outside! I hear that quite a few women are that way too. Have you ever considered that you(he) might not be hitting the right spot.
DJ-Tanner DJ-Tanner 10 years
I agree with the toys or even trying to pleasure self with your boyfriend in the room. Having him watch can be extremely liberating and an extreme turn on for him. This has helped me learn to reach orgasm all the time. He will likely be thrilled to sit back and just watch until you are ready for him. It is a major turn on.
starvingidol starvingidol 10 years
I didn't have an orgasm until after I had my son. It wasn't for lack of trying either. But eventually I worked it all out. It was basically a lot of self experimenting. Once I figured out what my body needed, there wasn't a problem. I never have a problem getting off now and multiples aren't a problem either. Keep the faith. It'll happen for you too. Also, I can kill you with my brain.
Christina362536 Christina362536 10 years
I had that problem too.. My suggestion to you is for you to invest in some toys .. if you are comfortable with hat sort of thing.. try to reach that goal by yourself.. then teach your partner.. Also.. try gels that heighten your sensitivity...Good luCK!!
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