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Fixing Self-Esteem After a Breakup

"I've Lost All Self-Esteem"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I will admit I'm fairly pretty and I love my body (as should every woman). I always thought I was a genuine, good person. But recently, my ex broke up with me. It completely screwed up my self-esteem. I just feel so disgusted with myself, mentally and physically. He immediately started hanging out with girls and flirting, meanwhile all I do is lay in bed and work. I feel like he just ruined the meaning and love we had in our relationship. It makes it all seem like a lie, and that I'm not even good enough. It's been four months too. So I don't understand why I'm still so beat up about this. I can't bring myself to even hangout with guys let alone date. The thought sickens me. I'm still in love with him and I'm not one for "fooling around" especially if my heart is pining for someone else. I just have no interest in the opposite sex right now. I'm down in the dumps. How do I fix my damaged self-esteem?

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zwenz zwenz 5 years
Get active. Join a nearby gym or evening class where you would meet other people while working on your appearance and well being. I understand the dilemma of not wanting to be with random guys and all that. I am the same, but it doesn't hurt to date and have crushes. It is actually very exciting and add alot of "flavour" to your day. Do not cry over someone who does not see your worth for months. Crying is healthy but the sooner you get over it, the sooner you'll be able to smile! You are beautiful and deserve only the best. At the right time when you are at your happiest and grateful for all you have achieved, the right person would find you. (You may need to leave your house and socialize for this to happen) lol. XO.. All the best. Zwenz
Not-Princess22 Not-Princess22 5 years
Ladies are right, focus on yourself. I highly recommend you to join a gym or start running. Recent studies had demostrated that running for 45min gives you the same effect as taking clonazepam, it will make you fell wonderful. I'm sorry but missmaryb reminded me this comic lol
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I meant breakup, not breakout lol.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
Great advice from Henna! A couple of additional thoughts...unless he broke up with you because he didn't think you were attractive, try to take that physical piece off the table. Breakups usually involve personality differences or other insurmountable issues. Only an immature jerk would break up with a girl because she wasn't pretty enough. It's said that the best revenge is to live well. Do just that. Like Henna said, get out there and get moving. Make a conscious effort to get out of the house and rejoin the human race. I also can't stress the exercise angle enough. When I went through a breakout a few months ago I amped up my workout big-time. I love running and I would crank up my ipod and think "see what you're missing?" with every step. Then, just so I wouldn't feel badly about myself, I would list in my head all the things he was missing. Then I would list all the reasons I was better off without him. It really helped. And it's ok if you don't feel like getting into a rebound relationship. There is NOTHING wrong with being single. Society leads us to believe that you're not good enough if you don't have a man/woman by your side. I hate that. I can be perfectly happy by myself. In fact, I am often happiest when I am single. I do what I want, answer to no one, have plenty of time to hang out with friends and family, I don't stress about that next phone call or how much he likes me, etc. That's not to say I'm not open to a relationship, but I can be happy either way. Nothing wrong with embracing the single life. Good luck, hope you're feeling betters soon.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
It's time for you to change your focus. To stop thinking about him and to focus on yourself. This isn't a time heals all kind of scenario, time doens't heal anything. Healing is an active, energetic, and focused is proactive. And that is what you need now. First, you need to change what's happening in your head. Everytime you find yourself thinking of him, you need to intentionaly shift your thought. Pick something else specific to think about, something that does not include him or any memory of him.....a happy family event, an accomplishment that made you proud or your work and effort, or something you want to accomplish in your future. This is a matter of practice and discipline. You need to consistently shift your thought every time you realize you're thinking of him. A new physical activity can be very healing....a new workout, particularly one that is difficult enough to require your full attention....I frequently suggest some kind of boxing or martial arts class because besides the intense focus and repetition required to learn those new moves, you get to relieve frustration and pain by punching, kicking, get the picture. A new class also puts you together with new people, another focus that helps you break the cycle of thinking of him constantly. And the endorphis will hit those pleasure spots in your brain, will naturally lift your mood. Walk. Just get up and go for a walk. It will help you get out of those doldrums. A rolling stone gathers no mosss.....meaning being a couch potato leads to depression and letting your thoughts stray into all of the wrong places so , shake yourself up and get up and take a walk. It's a great place to start, get a little sun, do some people watching, show off your pretty body if you're in a sunny warm climate, and collect the smiles and appreciative looks you gather from the gents doing the same. It takes work to stop feeling crummy about yourself, and it's hard to get started doing that work, but once you do get started, and make a habit of some new behaviors, things eventually get easier. You can do it! You have the ability to be better, to feel better, to shine out and get out of this hurtful place. I believe in you OP, and I know you can get back to that place where you believe in yourself! Take good care, blessed be
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