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Is Flirting Harmless?

Group Therapy: Is Flirting Really Harmless?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend flirts constantly with girls. Co-workers mostly. We have been together almost three years. He never flirts in front of me and even goes out of his way to pretend not to see a pretty girl when we're out. Thing is, he considers himself a harmless flirt and says he won't change this behavior. I say it's inappropriate to give his number to girls.  Co-workers or not.  And I think it's inappropriate to take a girl's number if you are in a committed relationship.

He thinks it's also OK to be sexual in his flirting. I tell him no it's not. I say there is a difference between telling a girl that she looks good today, and telling her she's beautiful. Or saying stupid things like "I was looking at your Facebook photos and I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend." I know this is wrong, but I looked at some messages from my boyfriend to one girl where she and he were catching up (this girl was his first sexual experience, btw) and she said she hadn't met the right guy and that's why she's single. He replied with "I'm here" then later he was talking about her "boobies" (she has huge breasts) she wasn't taking the bait, but he seemed to be trying to get her to flirt more which she had no interest in. She appeared to be talking to more than just him and he got offended that her attention wasn't only on their conversation.


Another girl he met at work recently had posted on his Facebook wall that she was glad he decided to start back up on Facebook (he hadn't been on in months) then he replied that he got back on just for her. He says it's all innocent, but he seems to start the flirting and only backs off when he doesn't get a cute response. He flirts in person with these girls and online and texts, and while it may not be about sex itself, but it is not innocent in nature. I also know for a fact that he wouldn't like me doing the same thing. He uses the excuse that I'm just not a born flirt like he is. But that's b.s. because I used to flirt with guys all the time . . . when I was single. I no longer think it's a good idea to be texting random guys just for my own amusement.

It's my opinion that if I am constantly texting and/or flirting with a guy other than my boyfriend, it would be because I either want attention or I want action. Is this a fair assumption of flirting?

I would love to hear some opinions on this matter. Do men view flirting differently? Should I be more understanding or does anyone agree with me that flirting is a gateway to taking it to the next level. Some help please. Some days I feel like I overreact and mostly I feel that if he has me, he has no reason to want to socialize with these girls without me.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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