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Friend With Benefits Gave Me an STD

Group Therapy: FWB Gave Me an STD

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been with my FWB for a long time. We both got tested for STDs in the beginning of our so called "relationship" before deciding to become exclusive and solely use bc. That was 3 years ago.

About 6 months ago I started getting strange symptoms and when I asked him if he wanted to be with anyone else . . . he said no. He said he wouldn't put my health in jeopardy and that it was only us two and nobody else.


My symptoms started getting worse and I got worried so I made an appointment. By this point he was getting angry with me because he said I didn't trust him and he didn't understand why if we are exclusive. My test results came back and sure enough I had an STD. It's curable but I'm hurt he lied to me and put my health at risk.

I broke things off with him but didn't tell him why and he tried to win me back by saying he wanted to try and have a relationship with me! I'm so hurt he lied to me. I have not been with anyone else and obviously you don't get an STD on your own. Should I say anything else to him or just walk away from the situation and leave him to figure it out?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Peola Peola 5 years
If it's not exclusive or you're not married - condoms. I use them in my relationship. You have to be responsible for yourself in that respect.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
You have to tell him so he doesn't go around spreading it to other girls. Seriously - it's really important.
redjupe44 redjupe44 5 years
YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM, no question about it. Then it will be obvious why you don't want to hang out with him anymore.
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
You need to tell him he gave you an STD because he may just be a carrier and spreading it to other women who have no idea what a douchebag he is. They probably don't know who you are or what he did to you. They don't deserve it either. Then I'd say let that be the last thing you ever say to him.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
he knows why you left. he knows why you're not callilng. If he gave you and std, then he needs to know that he needs to get checked, and that the person who gave it to him needs to get checked. You are the person responsible for your health. This is what condoms are for. FWB is not a committed relationship, and he has obviously lied to you about it being exclusive. He gave you and std so I don't think you owe him another chance. But you are just as responsible as he is because you left your health in someone else's hands. Just think, this could have been hiv, or hepC, something not so easy to deal with!!!! You need to change your behavior, be safe, protect yourself, not take your health for granted! Once it's gone, you're not going to get it back. Remember that women have a hormonal attachment to their sexual partners. It's a biological response designed to provides women with a partner for raising children. Your body is designed to have an emotional response to your sexual partner. FWB, as a long term association is going to get emotional for the girl, almost always, at least for a while. There are certainly other, stronger emotions that can prevent a long term coupling, however, be aware of your biology. Let him know you've been only with him, that you had an std and so it came from him, and he needs to get checked and his other partner/s also need to get checked. This just helps to stop the vicious cylce. You don't need to get into a fight, or a conversation if you don't want to. You don't need to see him if you don't want to. You can, if you want to, send him a text or email with this info, but he does need the info in case this is something that affects a woman before a man. Not everything affects both sexes the same, with the same symtoms. The rest is up to you. Just be respectful of this fellows potential future partners, and be safe. blessed be
JessicaM25 JessicaM25 5 years
So let me get this straight. He LIED to you, put YOUR health at risk and made it sound like YOU HAD THE TRUST ISSUES? I don't know what you have but I do know some men don't get symptoms at all. So, if he hasn't had symptoms yet he will (maybe) so I personally, would leave it alone. I'm sure him and whoever he is with know what's going on.
Indiglows Indiglows 5 years
You need to tell him! There's definitely another person in the mix somewhere, and that person as well as this guy needs to know that they have contracted an STD. I totally understand your feelings on this, and why you broke things off with him.
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