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Friend Won't Attend Birthday Party

Group Therapy: Friend Won't Attend My Birthday Party

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My birthday is coming up and one of my close girl friends doesn't want to come because I am also inviting her ex boyfriend to come.

I am good friends with both of them. He broke up with her about 5 months ago and they dated for 3 years. She is still not going because apparently she is not over him and I really want her to be there. I feel like she should just suck it up and pretend that everything is OK for a few hours because it's my birthday party.


Am I being unreasonable? All my friends seem to think so. But it's my special day. On everyone else's special day we do things we don't like to do, but we suck it up because it's THEIR DAY. So what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable?

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Kaybaybayx Kaybaybayx 6 years
Imagine if YOUR WORST EX boyfriend was at your party and you just didn't have the heart to tell him to leave. That's how she feels. She's YOUR girl. Girl power. I say she has a right to have dropped out of your event.
Carri Carri 6 years
There comes a time in a person's life where they should stop making a big deal about their birthday. That time is around age 10. So it's your birthday. BFD.
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
Is it your 8th birthday? If so, then you get to pout and insist that you are a princess on YOUR birthday. If you're any older: grow up. It's not all about you, even on your birthday.
Eros-online Eros-online 6 years
Give your friend a break. The whole scene would be miserable. Instead, look at her not coming to your party as an opportunity for you to extend your celebrating and have a girls' night out. I can't help but wonder, because she is your dear friend, why would you have invited the ex in the first place?
danakscully64 danakscully64 6 years
Agree with the majority, your friend is in the right (and it doesn't sound like you've had a real heartbreak before). I don't agree with the mean comments, but I don't think people are trying to come off that way. You should not have invited her ex if her attendance was so important. If you are close, why not call him up and ask him if he would be okay with sitting this one out? I'm sure he would understand. I was broken up with at the end of August and it's still an open sore for me (5 1/2 years). We broke up on good terms though, so seeing him wouldn't be a big deal, but maybe not in a public setting. Have you considered that maybe it would be weird for other guests who know about their breakup? And as someone else said, your friend is not obligated to attend anyway, invites can be turned down. Don't guilt her, she's hurting already.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
Love you too s-b. For the record, my birthday is coming up at the end of this month, and the LAST thing I want to do is celebrate, because I am planning on staying this age for at least the next 5 years. I am not having a party, so my friends are off the hook, and I think they are grateful for it.
Amandapedia Amandapedia 6 years
I'm going to agree with most of the people on this board when they say that you're being unreasonable. I was in a very similar situation as your friend just two months ago. I was going to my bestie's b-day and she didn't clue me in that my recent ex was going to be there when I found out it hit me like a ton of bricks and I literally thought I might vomit b/c I wasn't ready to confront him yet. It ended up being really awkward because she told him not to come until I had left and I felt like I was screwing up her party....long story short take a walk in your friend's shoes before you get too upset that she doesn't want to go.
doleychitown doleychitown 6 years
'BUT ITS MY DAY!" You sound like a child. Not only are you being selfish but I wonder how good of a friend you are. After 3 years your friend got her heartbroken and 5 months is not that long to just get over it. Instead of you being understanding and not invite the ex you have decided to invite the ex and guilt trip your friend. You need to grow up and be a good friend.
Chelsea25 Chelsea25 6 years
Its already been said but I'll say it again. You are the one being selfish. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want to face an ex if you felt like you werent ready?And worse than that, would you want to feel forced and guilted into doing so? Your friend is actually pretty diplomatic because as childish as you've been by inviting her ex who hurt her, and actually getting upset with her for not wanting to come. Shes just bowing out of a situation that would be uncomfortable for her and you should respect that. its pretty laughable that some posters have judged it time for her to 'face her fears'. What exactly do you know about it?
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 6 years
you have to get over it. its not a wedding. 3 years relationships will take longer than 5 months to get over the awkwardness and heartbreak to attend your birthday that happens every year. if you knew it was a bad break up and not mutual then dont ask her again. maybe you can see her another day close to your birthday to celebrate. like have a drink together.
Frenched Frenched 6 years
Bottom line: Yes, you are being unreasonable. One of my pet peeves are people who expect everything from everyone on their birthdays. People who start "warning" everybody that their "special day" is coming up and make such a huge deal. I understand this on a 10-year-old but not on a grown woman. OK, about your friend's situation. She is obviously still heartbroken and sensitive about her ex-boyfriend. It was a pretty long relationship. While some other people might not want to miss out on the fun and they would choose to attend the event; some other people just need more time. And bottom line, why would you want pretty much FORCE somebody to attend your party if you knew she'd probably just feel miserable? I wouldn't want anybody to feel compromised to go to my birthday celebration. Yes, it's your special day but, it's the real world and you shouldn't disregard your friend's feelings.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
Maybe someday you'll understand when some a-hle breaks up with you after three years and a "close" friend hangs out with your ex. Nice.
Janine22 Janine22 6 years
If you really wanted your close friend to come to your birthday that badly, then you should not have invited her ex-bf, or talked to her about it beforehand to make sure she was comfortable with you inviting him. This is especially the case if you knew that she was not over him, as I would assume that you did because you said that the 2 of you were close. Yes, you have no right to expect her to show up anyways, especially since she was dumped. Perhaps you could show her that you are a truly good friend to her and support her more while she is trying to get over the breakup? In my opinion, you are the one that needs to make it up to her, not the other way around. Is she is that important to you as a friend, then next time maybe you will consider her feelings a bit more.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 6 years
You should really try to look at things from other people's prospectives once in awhile. You come off as egotistical.Sounds like you just want her there even if she would be miserable, you even said you want her to pretend to be happy for you! Wow. You're lucky you have any friends at all if you treat them like this!
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Dude, it's just your birthday. Go out to lunch with her earlier in the day or something. She isn't missing your wedding or the birth of your child. Some people and the way they feel about their birthdays, sheesh.
CiaoBella01 CiaoBella01 6 years
sorry, i'm on your friend's side. how did you meet her ex-boyfriend? through her? if so, you should choose your girlfriend over him.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 6 years
Onlysourcherry, I love your spoiler alert. Seriously, though, if you are friends with both of them, I don't see anything wrong with the fact that you invited both of them. That being said, I think you are being completely unreasonable. I question your group of friends if you're all out doing things you don't enjoy just because it happens to be someone else's birthday; that doesn't sound healthy. Also, I am in complete agreement with sarah_bellum about people who go on and on about their "special day." The fact that it's your birthday doesn't mean you have the right to stop considering others' feelings.
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