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The Friend Zone

The Friend Zone (or, How "Jerks" Are Made)

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project.

Many a guy has been lamented in his life for entering the "friend zone" with a girl. Like it's this evil, sex-less place where all you can expect is a hug, some good company, and a wank when you get home. And we all know that's not true. You can have a wank whenever the damn well you feel like it.

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But that's not the point. Men are expected to score, not make BFFs. It's partly because of this: "I think you're a really great guy, but I don't want to ruin our friendship." When a man is judged by his peers by his ability to seal the deal, this is not conducive to winning points. He might question himself. What's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this?

This can get into the mind, burrowing deep down, until he's so aware of it that he's consciously afraid to become friends with females. Because becoming friends with the opposite sex is seen as failure. Or that you're gay. The "nice guy" doesn't get to sleep with the cheerleader. He's the one the cheerleader calls in the middle of the night to bitch about the jerk she just slept with who took off. The nice guy has never wanted to be a jerk so badly in his life.


As guys (and girls) we put way too much focus and pressure on sex and romantic relationships. It may be glaringly obvious, but this is especially true when we're single and "looking." All of a sudden, every person of the opposite sex we meet has this potential to be "the one." They're sized up as a potential mate. From a guy's perspective, this is the all-pervading question we ask ourselves: "Would I sleep with her?" If the answer comes back as a yes, then friendship — true friendship — is to be avoided at all costs.

Keep reading for more about the friend zone.

This is a shame. It's this way that we stop being ourselves. The dating world is rife with people who try too hard, who play games, who manipulate situations and people for an end result. All this at the cost of just being a good, down-to-earth person. Is it really worth it? We have this knack — this ability — to cause ourselves so much suffering where it really is unnecessary. The phrase that constantly comes back to me, no matter what I'm struggling with or thinking about is, "Let go." Let go of expectations. Let go of any notion of what we're "supposed" to be. Just be.

Allow things to happen naturally instead of fighting and twisting situations into things they are not. And again, as harped about at this site, this is where the self-love comes into play yet again. When we can be okay within ourselves, we're able to let go and allow life to unfold as it should, not as we think — or, more accurately, as we're conditioned — it should.

The friend zone has a bad reputation, whereas it should be honoured and appreciated. If romance is meant to happen, it will happen.

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