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Friends Don't Like Boyfriend

Group Therapy: He's Driving My Friends Away

This question is an excerpt from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I recently started dating this guy who I’ve had a crush on for months now. He’s intelligent, funny and interesting and I enjoy being around him but he is also loud, annoying and kind of rude when we are in social environments. And when he’s drunk it's so bad that even I can’t stand to be around him. I honestly think he doesn’t realize his behavior because when it’s just me and him, he’s much more chill and easy to talk to.

My friends tolerate him because of me, but none of them care for him too much and prefer for him not to be around. I don’t hold that against them because they are right, he just doesn’t have good social skills. I want to talk to him about how he is when he’s drunk and maybe ask to tone it down a couple of notches when we go out, but he’s also very defensive. I’m worried that if I don’t come at him in the right way then he will take it as me being picky about him or trying to change who he is, but I feel that if he is really serious about giving us a chance then he could make some adjusts to his attitude for me and my friends.

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If anyone out there has advice on how to get my guy to calm down, or on how I should talk to him about this, it would be greatly appreciated.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Join The Conversation
DrDar DrDar 6 years
Hi, If you have a requirement for your boyfriend to get along with your friends and for your friends to like him, then I say this is a red flag in your relationship. Does he behave this way with only your friends, or is he like this around his own friends too? Is he this way generally in public settings when it is not just the two of you? If the answer to these questions is yes, then take heed, listen to the advice here. They are on the mark. You can certainly talk to your boyfriend about it and here is how I suggest you do that: ask him if he is uncomfortable around your friends, then be quiet and let him answer. When he asks why you are asking that question, then tell him what you observe when he is around your friends, how his behavior makes your friends feel uncomfortable and give specific examples. Let him know you want to understand him better which is why you are asking. If he says that is just the way he is, then this is a red flag.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
Agree....maybe Douggy Doug is the boyfriend, why else the patronizing comment? I personally could not stand to be with someone that loud and obnoxious. A friend of mine married a guy like that, not a bad guy at all, but embarrassing to be around, so much that alot of people avoid her because they can't stand him. Too bad but true.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
^ No, but you don't need to be on TV to be a total douchebag.
nikkisoda nikkisoda 7 years
Take a giant look at your relationship. This "schtick" of his will get real old real fast. I dated someone like this. I think the Spencer and Heidi comparison is funny. But as we've seen on the show Spencer is also quite controlling. We do not know if this guy is too. Sounds like he is just immature with a case of the "spotlight-itis" Like I said this shtick will get old really fast.
stephley stephley 7 years
He sounds like an alcoholic.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
SKG, I COMPLETELY AGREE. Haha, I was actually reading this post thinking "Heidi and Spencer, Heidi and Spencer..." I would urge you to seriously reconsider this relationship. When your friends start dropping like flies, something is seriously wrong. And do not keep using his behavior when you are both alone as justification for staying with him. This can develop into an extremely unhealthy situation. Please, please, please take this as a major red flag and get out before it's too late.
femmetronic1 femmetronic1 7 years
I was in a similar situation.. My ex was self-centered, extremely loud, and very annoying. My friends and family did not care for him at all. I finally saw the red flags and left him.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 7 years
Red flag! If others can't stand him, you are probably too blinded by love just to notice how obnoxious he is. You can't change people, and asking him to behave differently will most likely not work, as you said. You said you can't talk to him without him getting defensive, another red flag. If I were in your shoes this relationship would be finito.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
Life isn't only about the times you're behind closed doors, snuggling on the couch and watching a movie. If you're going to be with this guy, you have to be with him 24/7 and if he is loud, abrasive, and not fun to be with in social settings (sounds like sober or drunk), he is not a great match for someone who is normal! I get that he might be great when it's just you two, but that's not the only thing.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 7 years
When absolutely none of your friends/family like your boyfriend, that's a huge, huge red flag.
chloe-bella chloe-bella 7 years
^^^^Great comparison!!! Spencer comparison aside, if his behavior is so bad that even you can't stand to be around him when he's drunk, then this is going to be a reoccurring problem in your relationship. If he's not open to talking about it and trying to improve, you're going to have to ask yourself where this is really going.
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