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Group Therapy: Is It a Bad Idea to Hang Out With My Ex?

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three years. I still like him, but I really feel like I just need some alone time. This was my first real relationship, and I got a little scared thinking about "the future." After a month of calling it off, he contacted me and asked if I wanted to go to the movies. He also said he loved and missed me, and would be here if I'm ever ready to get back together.

I know that it's best if we do not get back together so soon. If we get back together with me being so unsure, it will most likely lead to me calling it off again. But, I kind of want to see him. Is it possible to just hang out for a few hours, or will this really hurt him? He says he understands and will let me have space, but he wants to see me so bad. And what if he kisses me? I know I'll kiss him back . . . it's just natural . . . but I really don't want to get back together.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
Pink2022 Pink2022 7 years
Just wondering what the reasons are for the break up. I am also going thru a similar situation. I think taking some time to think about what u really want is a good start.
Beauty Beauty 7 years
Don't do it, girl! Be kind and let him heal. He will see every kindness as false hope.
KateAthens KateAthens 7 years
This wont work. He will use every means to be with him and you will just using him cause you're feeling lonely. Better to tell him you like someone else now.
WritingLikeCrazy WritingLikeCrazy 7 years
Recently, I was pining for a guy who wanted to stay connected but didn't want a relationship, while simultaneously dating another guy I kept around because he liked me and made me feel better about the first dude. Both situations stink. Finally, I cut off contact with the first guy since he wouldn't let me go. Next, I told the lovely second guy I just wasn't feeling it. When you know what it's like to be a placeholder for someone, you wouldn't want to do the same to someone else. Be nice and leave the ex alone.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 7 years
I wouldn't cut off all contact with him, but I wouldn't go out with just him, either, since it seems like that's not what you want. Do you have any mutual friends? Perhaps, if you kind of want to see him again, a group of you could get together and hang out. I have never understood the mentality that we should cut off all contact with someone after an amicable breakup. He was obviously a big part of your life and, even if you don't want to be with him, I'm guessing you still care about him on some level. Seeing him a group setting might be a good option.
brindey brindey 7 years
I have a question. If you are sort of teetering like this girl is, what makes you know either way? If you are 3 years in, and saying maybe/maybe not, what do you do? Clearly she still loves him, but is doubting the relationship. What are the questions that need to be answered, and how do you know?
skigurl skigurl 7 years
Don't see him. Just resist the urge. It's too comfotable and you will end up doing something you regret (either now or in the future). Just cut off contact for now.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 7 years
OP, There is a long list of issues that you need to sit down and talk over with him. Only AFTER the two of you have discussed ALL of these topics will you have the answer to your question. (Do not even try to decide what to do until you have gotten answers to all such questions.) If you'd like, I can give you a list of such topics.
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 7 years
It's a very bad idea. You'll just be giving him false hope, but you know this already otherwise you wouldn't have posted. You were just hoping that you'd get a different answer because you "kind of want" to see him. I think it's unfair at this point to meet him when you're so ambivalent and he obviously wants to get back together.
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