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Friends and Lovers

Dear Sugar
I just moved to a new city to live with my best friend from college. I moved into her three bedroom apartment that she shares with a great guy and for the past few months, we have been the epitome of three's company; two girls and one guy. Since this is the first time I have lived so far from my family, it is extremely refreshing to live in a family type environment.

Last week, I came home after work and my best friend said she had something to tell me. She sat me down and told me that she and our other roommate have been hooking up for the past month and have decided to officially be a couple. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Not only was I completely left in the dark, but my little brother/sister family environment was about to change.

After the initial shock wore off, she told me that the dynamic in the house wouldn't change, but if I wanted him to move out, she would completely understand. I don't want to be the third wheel in my own home, but I don't want to be that girl who makes their relationship hard and asks him to leave. What should I do? Third Wheel Winona

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Third Wheel Winona
Well they sure have put you in a tough position haven't they! How has it been around the house? Are they affectionate to the point where you feel uncomfortable? Although they say the dynamic won't change in the house, I think we both know it inevitably will.

I can understand your hesitation of asking him to move out, so although it is a total pain, I think the best thing to do is start looking for a new apartment. Place an ad in the classifieds, and start networking ASAP. If you still feel hurt or left out by their new relationship, your friendship could possible suffer if you continue to live with them.

Hopefully you can use this opportunity to make some new friends and explore your new city. Try your best to look on the bright side of this situation; if you have your own apartment, then you won't need to be stuck in the middle of their lovers' quarrels! Happy New Year and good luck to you.

Join The Conversation
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 10 years
You have your own bedroom right? So that can be your own little world in a sense. Of course everything is going to change but that doesnt mean you need to leave. I would see how things go , maybe it may not be so bad after all who knows?? Im sure you have other interests outside the house ,so make more friends , go have fun. Dont sweat the small stuff. Worst thing is if the living arangements end up stinking then you can always move then. But I would give it a try and see how it goes that really wont hurt anything. Good luck!
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I'm with you Valeri. I do think you need to find your own life outside of home. It sounds to me like you have become to reliant on your friends for everything. Your in a new city get your butt out there to explore. You need to get a life outside of the house and meet some new people that you can play with!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
if this came as a total shock to you i don't think there is anything to feel uncomfortable about. why would you leave? why would you want him to leave? i doubt they can afford the place without your financial contribution, so if it's not you it will just be someone else there. you've all been happy and they have been a couple for awhile so why would anything change? i say don't make it a problem until it's a problem. everything is fine now as it is. your friends found each other, shouldn't that be a good thing? 2007?
Marci Marci 10 years
I agree with everyone on this one. Find another place to live. It'll be better that way all around. What's happening in 13 days??
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Im with bh and dear get a new place ------ only 13 days to go
Brittany14706805 Brittany14706805 10 years
They have put you in a tough spot and I would have to say that I wouldnt feel right living there becuase things will change once they are a couple. I would feel a little awkward staying in the same place. Just find a new place and get out and make new friends.
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