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Friendships That Drain Your Energy

An article in the Huffington Post earlier this week noted how difficult it can be to find good friends, which is something we've all dealt with I'm sure. In response, the article offers some tips for successful friendships, the last of which I found particularly relevant. It states:

Before you spend time with a friend check out how your energy feels on a scale of 1 to 10. Then once you have spent time with them, notice if you feel more energized or drained and again, give it a number between 1 and 10. If they have drained you and you seem to feel that each time you are with them over a long period then perhaps it is time to move on from that friendship. If you feel energized after your interaction or time together, then fantastic, that is a nourishing relationship.

I've noticed this phenomenon in my own life. After time with some of my friends, my mood is immediately perked whereas there are others I tend to avoid spending time with because I know I'll feel drained afterwards. It's not that they're bad people; they just tend to demand more energy and leave me feeling anything but nourished. Do you have any friends or people in your life that leave you feeling like this, too? If so, how do you deal with them?


Join The Conversation
ajennilynrushhh ajennilynrushhh 8 years
Wow, I just talked to my boyfriend about this last week and talked about it with my mom about this yesterday. I definitely have/had friends that completely drained me. No more contact. Can not deal with it anymore. I feel sooo much better without them. I also do the same as Glowingmoon on family members that drain me.
0fashionqueen 0fashionqueen 8 years
Friends are very hard to come by no matter how tiring it is, but sometimes that is the best part about it because those are generally the people that listen to you whenever you have a problem.
brantsmama brantsmama 8 years
Wow I felt like I was reading a post about my life at this exact moment.. haha I had an "aquaintence" or semi friend that I just can't tolerate to be around anymore.. She is definitely emotionally draining.. It got to be to much for me and I don't take her calls anymore. I feel kinda bad but she's a wreck (in her personal life) and on many many meds and I don't think it's a smart move to confront her or give her an explanation. I haven't talked to her in two weeks and she dropped by my house last week while I was at work to leave me a note on my door and she called my mother today and left a message on my mom's machine. (she doesn't even know my mom, and has never met her).. It's starting to creep me out!
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
i definitely have had my fair share of friend that take way too much energy to hang out with and then i find that i start to distance my self from them and it takes just as much energy to NOT hang out with them as it did to hang out with them.
Jeny Jeny 8 years
omg I have a friend or two that drain the life out of me!! It seems like anytime we get together, it's just so that they can vent and complain about everything and go on with their life while I'm stuck stressed out and drained! ugh!
sexylibrarian sexylibrarian 8 years
I had a friend from high school that I was friends with into adulthood. She was a very draining friend. I would always dread when she came into down. She always expected me to drop everything for her. I sent her an email to end our friend ship. I did not want the drama of a confrontation with her. We have not spoken in three years. I feel very good about my choice and I know that was the right thing for me to do. I know choose friends that make me happy and I look forward to seeing!
mix-tape mix-tape 8 years
This is very true! I am experiencing this right now, but she is so persistent to continue our friendship. What do you do in this sort of case when you want to end it, but not in a huge fight? I am ignoring her as much as possible, she is so draining!
alltherage alltherage 8 years
wow. im so glad i saw this. its so true. there are people i have grown apart from some without conflict. and its b/c i dont feel great after seeign them - they are good people but draining.
ayuninur ayuninur 8 years too
vivi vivi 8 years
yeah, i feel like glowingmoon.... and i always keep some time apart and "some emotional distance" from friends, despite our intimacy level. is good that way, cause the conversation is always fresh, filled with support and understanding.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
I so rarely talk get to talk to my friends, our conversations a funny and refreshing...but that's a few times a year. Exactly the way I like it. I 'talk' here more than at anytime. Other than to my children and that's nonstop. I'd rather this...couple lines to whoever decided to read it or no one...and ya move on. Awesome!
pink1783 pink1783 8 years
Yeah, I have a friend like that. I am about ready to "break up" with her. She is getting married in January, and if she is not talking to me about that, then she is talking to me about her loser fiance. And then she wonders why I don't like him! She drains me when I talk to her... Wish there was something I could do, but I give her advice, and she agrees but then does the exact opposite! Very frustrating
ktownpolarbear ktownpolarbear 8 years
i had to break up with a friend too. we took a break for awhile, and it was really nice, but then a couple of months later, i got sucked up into her drama and it was too much. she continues to email/text/im/facebook message, and i'm not responding anymore.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
I absolutely identify with this. And yes, I had (and have) some people like this in my life. As far as friends, I break-up with friends who have this effect on me. I learned the hard way it's not worth remaining in friendships like these. As far as (certain) family members and in-laws (who I'm unwilling to break-up with due to moral and family value reasons), I put down some serious boundaries. I deal these people at arms-length. We have a casual relationship, and we are not close (because I deliberately pull away). This is how I deal with draining family members and in-laws.
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 8 years
That's funny, I actually have a friend who I always call an "energy-sucker" because I am drained and tired after seeing her. Luckily I don't see her much anymore.
McSquish McSquish 8 years
Oh yeah. I actually took dear sugar's advice about breaking up with friends and did it just a few weeks ago. My friend and I didn't have a falling out per say, I just slowly stopped contacting her, or getting emotionally involved when she'd contact me. She got the hint, but I felt bad and believed she deserved an explanation. So it's over now and it's amicable, but even without the article you stated above, I noticed those things when I was either with her, or emailing with her back and force. After "talking" (really emailing") with her, I would be drained, feel really bad about myself, hurt and confused. I know some of it was my insecurities, but the fact that I always just felt so hurt and sad after speaking with her was what made me decide that this is not a good friendship for me to have. She is a good person, but we just don't mix any more.
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