Who needs "kiss me I'm Irish" when you have a good sense of humor and a vagina? Our favorite funny women on Twitter kicked the week off right by spouting St. Pickup's Day lines and going to bed with Lucky Charms. In this week's edition of Tweets Girls Say [1], we celebrate single ladies and March anytime madness. Check 'em out now, and for even more funny, follow us on Twitter [2]!
Hi boy love your green shirt do you wanna banger & mash me or should I ask your friend I'm not picky on holidays #stpickupsday [3] @midnight [4]
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) March 18, 2014 [5]
I don't get why people use their heritage as a ploy to get kissed. "Kiss me, I have a vagina" seems to work just fine for me.
— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) March 16, 2014 [6]
Why are people so impressed by March madness when mine lasts all year?
— Lori (@HeyitsLori) March 16, 2014 [7]
Celebrating by eating Lucky Charms alone in bed and texting guys I've slept with to let them know how over them I am.
— Tricia (@Im_Tricia) March 18, 2014 [8]
Here's to hoping men don't confuse me for a cute baby seal in my wetsuit.
— jacqueline carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) March 19, 2014 [9]
I can't believe it but I finally have boyfriend! It just goes to show, even someone like me can lie about having a boyfriend.
— Bez (@Bez) March 19, 2014 [10]
Friends pick you up when you fall, and if they can't pick you up, they bring you a bottle of wine and join you on the floor.
— sorry i'm not sorry (@sorrynotsorryy) March 20, 2014 [11]
The lady at USPS was like ma'am this man lives 5 blocks from you why are you mailing it & I shouted HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF A BAD BREAKUP
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) March 17, 2014 [12]
can you die from no one texting you?
— snoozy q (@home_napping) March 16, 2014 [13]
I just wished there was a really good movie about a female writer that didn't end with, "She died drunk, alone and/or in obscurity."
— Meghan O'Keefe (@megsokay) March 14, 2014 [14]
"Hey, baby. Why don't you grab some of that oil and massage me like I'm kale?" -Me making salad sexy
— Mandi Harris (@MandiHarris) March 19, 2014 [15]
"fake it till you make it" apparently doesn't work for orgasms
— Sputnik Sweetheart (@Verlieren) March 20, 2014 [16]