The panic is real, people. The last episode of this season of Game of Thrones [1] has come and gone, and if you're anything like me, you are probably still in denial and/or reeling from the finale. This season has been so utterly fantastic, with characters showing new depths, twists we could have never imagined, and, of course, lots of dragons. (Who doesn't love the dragon bits?) In an attempt to squeeze out every last bit of enjoyment from this season/prolong it for as long as humanly possible, I have naturally deemed it necessary to try to glean some dating and love advice from our favorite cast of Starks, Lannisters, Wildlings, etc. Herein lies a mashup of modern dating lessons and profiles superimposed onto some of our favorite characters.
Jon "I'm just not looking for a girlfriend right now" Snow
A classic, aloof, reluctant alpha male. We all have at least one Jon Snow in our orbit. That guy who is super hot, smart, effortlessly cool, really mysterious with just a light sprinkling of daddy issues that usually come from some fear of not living up to his supersuccessful father. And an amazing swordsman. Jon has the classic syndrome of largely pretending to completely DGAF about girls. He couldn't be less bothered if he tried — Melisandre practically gets her kit off every other episode to seduce him and Jon's eyes literally glaze over with boredom. Of course, Jon's one true love, Ygritte, hit him like a ton of bricks (#TBT to THAT cave scene), which just proves that all those guys who are "just focusing on their career right now" are deep down just waiting for the right wildling . . . er, I mean, girl.
Margaery "Sometimes it's good to date a late bloomer" Tyrell
Let's face it, Margaery is a 10. Great hair, charming smirk, controlling yet powerful granny, and overall very switched on. Margaery makes a strong case for dating someone a little, er, beneath you. Sure, Tommen is king and all, but he is a virgin with no idea what he's doing in the bedroom. But crafty Margaery doesn't flinch. She quickly makes him fall totally in love with her and has him in complete control. Of course, this plan goes totally awry due to her nuts mother-in-law blowing her up, but for a few episodes she really had it all figured out. Maybe the lesson to learn from Margaery is if one of your king-husbands dies, fear not! There are plenty more Lannister's in the sea.
Sam "The first love is the deepest" Tarly
In the modern world, Sam would probably be the engineer cofounder of a successful app. Besties with Jon, he has the right friends but isn't one for the spotlight. He's more of a right-place-right-time kind of guy, and that is exactly how Gilly fell into his lap. Sam is one of the only true "good guys" on the show. The type of guy your friends would encourage you to date because he'd be such a good boyfriend. And sure, Gilly might have had to "show him the ropes," but what he lacks in experience he makes up for in courage. Like when his family was snobby to poor Gilly, and Sam says a swift #boybye to his dad, packs up, and leaves.
Daenerys "I'm a Samantha" Targaryen
Aside from the fact that her hair is incredible, she controls a small pod of dragons, and never seems to lose a battle, the real reason that I think women love Khaleesi so much is that she genuinely doesn't give an ounce of thought to her dating life. She's far too busy with world domination. Sure, she might take a lover here or there, and yes, the old tanned guy is deeply in love with her, but at the end of the day, Queen of Meereen is pretty emotionless when it comes to men. You can try to blame it on Khal Drogo's too-soon death, but Daenerys just has a certain air about her that says, "I don't need a man to make it happen."
Tyrion "My family can't get out the way of my relationship" Lannister
Tyrion has been super busy this season, being on the run and then being kidnapped and then becoming an adviser to the Mother of Dragons, but cast your mind back to his awful trial, when his one true love was turned on him by his overbearing family. Sure, they're loaded but the Lannisters are truly the worst family of all time. Finally, Tyrion had found someone who really got him on a higher level, and then in swooped his family to ruin the whole thing. Will he ever get over Shae? Probably not. But luckily next time he meets someone at least he won't have to deal with bringing them back to Casterly Rock to meet his domineering family.
Sansa "Never Settle" Stark
Poor Sansa is like that one friend who keeps going for the wrong type of guys. She's been married off and promised to one dud after another, and now creepy Littlefinger is gearing up to be next. What we can learn from Sansa is, even if things are really rough and you accidentally end up marrying a complete psychopath like Ramsay Bolton, you just have to keep going and demand better for yourself. Sansa always acts like she just finished reading "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg, and I love her for it. She also has the best collection of Winter coats I have ever seen.