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Gender Roles — Love 'Em Or Leave 'Em?

Gender Roles — Love 'Em Or Leave 'Em?

Here's a poll from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.

Let's go back to the 1940s for a minute. My grandmother was married, raised a kid, ran a farm, taught school, and kept a clean house. All while my grandfather was away at war. After my grandfather came back from the war and had recovered from his wounds, they went back into their traditional roles. He ran the farm and did all the "manly" things.  My grandmother raised my aunt, taught school, and still had dinner on the table by 5:30 PM every night. All while pregnant with my dad.

I'm exhausted just talking about it.

I bring all this up because I've been thinking about gender roles lately. I look at my parents. Granted, my dad still does majority of the "manly'" things around the house and my mom does the household things, neither one is afraid to help out the other. My dad does housework. My mom can swing a hammer when needed.

And that's what I like.

I'll never be able to date a guy who believes in traditional gender roles. As much as I like cooking and being in the kitchen, I don't like being expected to be there. If we have kids, I'm not going to be the one who raises them. I certainly expect their father to help out. At the same time, I don't expect him the only one who takes out the trash or fixes things when they break. I think 50/50 is a good blend.

So could you be with someone who firmly believes in traditional gender roles? Or would you rather share the load?

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Join The Conversation
Girl101 Girl101 7 years
I have been married for 12 years and I would never marry a man who wanted to stay home and do the cleaning and take care of the kids. I want a MAN, not a maid. Sure he will help out when he's home and he loves to play with the kids (coaches all their teams and takes them to the father/son dad/daughter activities), but I am responsible for the house and he is the breadwinner. I don't think its demeaning for me to stay home while he goes to the office, we both work (me with the kids and him at the office). Its demeaning for people to not recognize the value stay at home moms bring to the table. He talks to me about big decisions before they are made. I think we compliment each other and we both are better for it.
Bijani Bijani 7 years
I agree with sharing gender roles. I like men to be "men," but there's nothing sexier than a man in the kitchen. Likewise, I like learning how to be a handyman. You never know when you'll be without a man to fix your sink or change your tires. Gotta learn to do it for yourself!
BbyCkz BbyCkz 7 years
defo 50/50! share the money responsibility and share the cooking and nurturing of the kids. but i kno women that like being the "housewife" and fitting that stereotype. Even the other day, & my boyfriend & i were stopped on the road for directions, and the guy would look me in the eye, because as a woman, I am below him...WTF!!!! A lot of people for religious/cultural reasons still have that mentality that the woman belongs in the kitchen...BS...look @ jamie oliver, gordon ramsay like lingerie? then you'll love Babyckz: X
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I'm with Ali321. I think it depends on the individual. Some women are comfortable with traditional gender roles due to their personalities and nature, and some are not. Those who are not may re-invent their role to their liking. Personally, for the most part, I am comfortable with traditional gender roles. Again, this is because of my personality and nature. Likewise, my husband is comfortable with his traditional gender role. That's why we're compatible with each other.
heatherhas heatherhas 7 years
I'd say its 50/50 for us. Yes, I do things like cook and make the grocery list. He manages our investments and puts together furniture. But we enjoy doing our respective tasks. Our personalities and how we interact is more or less the role reversal in our relationship. When we have a disagreement, I run to my "cave" and he wants to talk it out. Its a good balance. I wouldn't change it for the world.
luna08 luna08 7 years
I'm with Pistil: "I don't mind traditional gender roles (I usually take on more of the 'female' responsibilities anyway), I just don't want to feel confined to that role. When you're on your own you have to fulfill every role anyway." Life changes, so who takes what role should might change back and forth anyway. Right now I live in my house alone, so I'm in both roles! :)
kiwitwist kiwitwist 7 years
i have no problem doing the 'girly' things and the hubby doing the 'manly' things. But if one of us needs help, neither one of us cares, we just do it. So I am for traditional roles with a little help
honeyxkaori honeyxkaori 7 years
"As much as I like cooking and being in the kitchen, I don't like being expected to be there. " I read this line and I knew that we have the same mindset. Even now, when my mum asks me to cook dinner, I'll do it, but I resent the fact that I am expected to, like it's my job to, and to clean up too, even when my sis did not help out with anything. Good post!
Pistil Pistil 7 years
I don't mind traditional gender roles (I usually take on more of the 'female' responsibilities anyway), I just don't want to feel confined to that role. When you're on your own you have to fulfill every role anyway.
Meike Meike 7 years
My husband and I are able to exchange responsibilities. There is no exact count on the splitting of responsibilities. We do things together or alone as we see them come. Being self-sufficient is important because let's face it. Your partner may not always be there i.e. illness, divorce, death, etc...
GMarie GMarie 7 years
I'm a stay at home mother, and I work harder and am more fulfilled and happy than I've ever been in any other job. My husband helps me when I need help and absolutely recognizes and appreciates my contribution to our family. I may not be earning money, but what I do absolutely helps make our family run. I don't really think of it as 50/50 - I kind of think of it as 100/100. My husband and I are standing side by side, both of us giving it everything we've got. When my kids are bigger, I may find something to do outside the home, if that's what feels right for our family.
HoneyBrown1976 HoneyBrown1976 7 years
We split things 50/50. This is a partnership. He helps with the chores and our kids. We vibe well that way.
Studio16 Studio16 7 years
I think that when a woman's the housewife and the husband is the "breadwinner" it is split 50/50. Someone's got to earn money, and someone's got to make sure that the house is run well. To say that either is doing more work is not only insulting, it's incorrect. Most housewives I know do the same amount of work as their husbands. Also, their husbands are never like, "Oh, the money's mine, because I work." They seem to get that their wives are doing equal work. I'm sorry, but I could never marry a man who wanted to stay home with the kids if we had them. I'd feeI like it was my job. However, I feel like marriages where one works and one stays home is a marriage where things are split 50/50, so while Tres defines that as traditional, I define it as evenly split.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 7 years
Depends on the couple...whatever works for you is what you should go with!
biarose biarose 7 years
I don't care about traditional roles but I'm not going to actively try and make sure I don't conform.
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 7 years
I like splitting the roles, although since my husband lost his job 6 months ago, he's picked up way more of the household chores. In our house, should I ever get pregnant and we have a kid, he'll stay home with the child while I work since I am the "breadwinner" between the two of us. I'm also way more handy at fixing things than he is but he's slowly learning so that he doesn't have to call me home from work if something goes wrong (such as our basement flooding, haha).
sourcherry sourcherry 7 years
I don't care about traditional roles at all. I absolutely hate housework, so I expect a man to do at least half. Not "helping", but doing as much as I do, because he sure wouldn't hate it more than me. I think it's only fair. Obviously I wouldn't expect him to do the traditional male tasks just because he's a man either... In my opinion what matters when deciding who does who is the individuals involved, and not preconceived ideas about who should do what.
ali321 ali321 7 years
I think it's whatever works for an individual. There shouldn't be a set way for all people. But personally I'm probably 50/50 leaning a bit towards traditional just because I tend to want to cook and clean my own home if only because I want it done right. lol. But I would want help and respect. I could never be with a man that said it wasn't his job to do any of that stuff and refused to pitch in. Or if he thought I had to be girly all of the time. That's pretty ignorant. And I think if I never made any money on my own I'd feel too dependent on someone else. To me there isn't anything wrong with a guy staying home with the kids, but I would just feel like I was missing out on so much as a mom to do it that way.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 7 years
I like traditional roles. I want a husband that is head of the household, he is the "voice" of the family, we make decisions together but I like to defer to him to be the spokesperson.
Chrstne Chrstne 7 years
Nope, I am not a traditional gender roles kind of woman. I am worth more than just being my husband's chef, maid, and receptacle. I can do more than raise children. I can do many things, and in fact, I can do many things that are "male" better than male's can. I can change my tires, winterize boats, fix computers, appliances and just about anything around the house. I have cut wood, built things, etc. My husband can sure as hell change a diaper, put his shit away, cook for his own damn self. I just want to do what I want when I want to. If I don't want to cook -- he can. I'm not his mommy. If I need to have my car washed, I'll get up and do it instead of asking him. Right now in my relationship, I pull my weight. I am not a helpless puppy, I can do what the boys do. He is a big boy and can do what the women do.
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