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Going Through a Bad Breakup

"Bad Breakup and on the Brink of Losing It"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years yesterday. It was very peaceful at the time and he admitted that he was in the wrong for everything. We have been long distance and he started to talk to me less and I delayed the inevitable until recently. He was telling me he loved me, talked about future plans and made it known that he didn't want me going anywhere. I was going to go there next week but somehow our conversation just turned into a breakup. He got choked up and sounded like he was crying which is very unlike him. He doesn't show his feelings ever. But he didn't fight to keep me around. He seemed okay about it, which is what is really killing me. I made the mistake of texting him this morning basically asking if we can work things out but now he is set on doing his own thing with law school and work commitments. He said maybe in the future we will both have stability and be able to get back together. I broke up with him but I'm the one feeling the most rejected. It's only the first day and I have been in bed since 7am until 1pm crying and can't seem to stop. I feel hopeless, empty and like there is nothing else at the end of the rainbow. We were both 24. I thought without a doubt he was the one. I had such a strong feeling about it. Now I feel like he died, I'll never get to talk to him again and his voice and face will become a distant memory.

I can't handle it. I have been throwing up, crying and shaking uncontrollably and it doesn't seem to be stopping. I'm not sure why I'm handling this so horribly but I really need support. I don't have a support system and have been having to do this alone. I don't even know if he is upset. It feels worse to think that I'm the only one feeling bad.

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Join The Conversation
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Time heals all wounds.
sharky89 sharky89 5 years
I’m really sorry you’re going through this :( I remember I went through my first heartbreak, I think I must have cried everyday for a while. It was really hard getting out of bed every morning, remembering that the guy I considered to be The One decided he didn’t want to be a part of my life anymore. After our break-up, I took him up on his offer of friendship, not realizing how much the one-sided, unhealthy friendship would mess with my head… but I was too afraid to completely lose him. Looking back, I realized a few things: to love unconditionally means to respect the wants/needs of the person (even if it means accepting that you might not bring them happiness). To love fully with all of your heart means to be unafraid, which in turn means having faith that life is good and trusting that whatever happens, you’ll be ok.  All the happiness and love in the world starts within you and spreads outwards to the world – and the world then reacts to the positivity in positive ways. Life is meant to be lived positively (it feel more effortless when we are happy, and impossible when we are sad). It all starts with you and you get back all the emotions what you put out.   As soon as I realized all of this, I was able to peacefully let go of all my emotional and mental ties with him and wish him well. If things are meant to be in the future, they will be. These realizations took me months. I had to create a “break-up” calendar, where I put one fun activity on each day to cross off so I could look forward to something every day instead of staying in bed, crying. I began meditation to force myself to stop thinking about how my actions were affecting him, how he was doing, and bring focus to myself and thinking positively. I began volunteering, working out more, and focusing on loving those who are in my life.   It will get easier, OP. Keep your chin up and continue looking for ways to bring happiness to the world around you and to yourself :) Use this break-up as an opportunity to figure out who you are, and to become the happiest and strongest person you are meant to be!
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 5 years
If anyone has dated, they've been where you are right now. I've had some horrible horrible break ups, and it doesn't matter who ended it. It can hurt just as bad either way. If you stay with someone beyond a few date, you have to think they were the one to want to continue. Damn, love can suck sometimes. My advice is let it all out and cry your eyes out. Eat an entire cake, a litre of ice-cream and gain 10 pounds like i did when I broke up with my ex that I dated for 3 years. Or start a new exercise plan like i did with a last big break up and get super confident and remember who you are when you love yourself the most. Or close all your curtains and curl up on the couch and watch feel good/slasher (depending on your taste) movies the entire weekend. Or go out with a friend and just b*tch about everything that ever irritated you about him. Not very mature but i'm sure you are angry as well as sad. Avoid all music by Adele. Just do what you need to do, especially in the first few days after. As an expert in bad break ups (swear I should have a Masters in it), I know that all logic needs to be suspended for a minimum of 5 days. Do not to communicate with him for as long as you possibly can, minimum a month or 2. You need to get some perspective as to why you ended it anyway. I really feel your pain, and I know how tough it is. You're going through withdrawal right now. Just let it happen and when the fog begins to clear you'll find your way forward. Someone who can love you clearly and is excited to talk to you (preferably in your city) just got a chance to meet you when you're ready! Lucky him :-)
kitty-Witty kitty-Witty 5 years
sorry to here that dear :( you are not alone see . we all group therapy ladies are with you. two years back when i had to face break up with my ex. every single day i would cry. sometimes in my bed putting my head on the pillow making my room dark because i didn't want to face the sunlight i was so broke up mentally . i thought that i couldn't live . i would die. but see now i am still living with no grief. listen one thing if you ever get hurt anymore think that god will give you the best present soon that's why he is taking the thing you have right now . the starting would be painful but later you will realize that what happened it was good for you. nothing can be so unfair . by the way if you don't have any problem can you give me you fb id ??? do you have fb id? i would like to chat with you.hugs tight !!!! :) :) . wish i could make you feel better. and listen clearly your life is not over who knows a very special present is waiting for you :) best wishes
henna-red henna-red 5 years
My last, bad breakup, I just wanted to not exist anymore. I was so grateful when the sun went down, and everything was dark, and I could cry into my pillow and just wallow in my misery. I felt like I'd lost all hope, if it didn't work with him, it never would work at all. I don't think I slept all night. And when the sun started to throw pink rays into the morning, I HATED that I had to get up, and go to work, and do my life! I hated it! I had just started a new job, managing and cooling in a little kitchen, and facing the challenge of this job, having to focus on learning the people, the demands of this new gig is what pulled me around, what helped me through. I still went home and night, was still down, wand so bitter and upset for a long while, but ........that was ten years ago. And I'm still here, still living my life. I'm not in a romantic relationship right now, but my life is so full of people that I love who love me. My life is full of challenges, and sometimes I'm good at the challenges, and sometimes I'm not, but I keeping plugging away. I didn't want to face my life that morning. I'd never had a breakup that hurt me quite so much as that one, but as it turns out, I had chosen wrongly. It was my fault, I'd ignored some issues, all the way through, because I wanted him to be the one so much! I think he's in a happy relationship now, and I'm very happy for him. And I try to keep my eyes open, and not ignore things that shouldn't be ignored, no matter how much I want a thing. Anyway, support. Girl, I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly. I wish I could reach out and take you into my arms and hug you and hold you while you cry. Then I'd make you some tea or cocoa, and bring you some ice cream, and tuck you up into a quilt, and let you talk and talk and talk until you were talked out. And I'd make you more tea or cocoa.........I'm sorry I can't give you that. I'm sorry I'm not there to bring you a stupid movie and try and try and try to make you laugh, even when you don't want to! I'm sorry I'm not there to give you a big stuffed animal, or a huge pillow to punch! I'm not there, but I'm thinking of you, and sending you prayer and good thoughts, and hopes. This first day is the worst. Get up and go to school, even if you HATE having to do that. It's ok to take some time, and cry and wail, and feel bad. It's ok. Just remember to get up, then and drag yourself on out. Giving you mind something else to think about will help, more that you can know. Grieve, but then occupy your mind. It helps, really. love to you, thanks for sharing with us, you and lonelyloid, thanks for including us. blessed be
Diana0504 Diana0504 5 years
Hey... here's my story... hope it helps... I have been my boyfriend together for almost 5 years... it was the complete package... we talked about marriage and how we would be together forever... then, out of a stupid fight, we broke up. It seemed like me world crashed, everything I believed in suddenly wasn't real anymore... and I know the feeling about being sure he's the one... I guess I still believe it. But you know what? I took this period to invest in myself, go out with friends and do things I am passionate about. 2 months have passed since the break-up and I am doing great... and, I am sure that, if he is really the one, someway, somehow, we'll find the way to be together again :) so... chin up, pretty lady... things will turn out just fine... :-) Pinky promise...
lonelyloid lonelyloid 5 years
you arent alone. i wanted out of a relationship with my then-girlfriend because i felt she could do better. that i could not appreciate her well enough. i am a jerk. i admit it. and since we broke up, i havent been able to eat and sleep properly. i cannot concentrate on work. i break down anywhere and everywhere. i have been crying non stop since the break up and since she has changed her "i love you"s with "i hate you" now. i know how u feel and i don't know, i hope that at least you know that you aren't the only one. i feel weak that im the guy. but at least i can tell u sincerely i know how you feel. how it is to feel lost, and completely lonely. only difference is that it was completely my fault. you dont have to be hard on urself. u arent alone i assure you.
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