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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Kids Before Marriage

Hollywood has put the trend of having children before marriage on the radar. Seal and Heidi Klum and Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are just two couples that made it work and made it look easy.

Some couples feel that having family together is a stronger commitment to each other than marriage ever could be, but others desire the security of a wedding before taking the next step in their relationship. So what do you think? Is it a good idea or a bad idea to have kids before marriage? Do you think it sends a good or bad message to the children of parents who don't have a marriage certificate?


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calli-gurl calli-gurl 9 years
i dont want my kid to be a bastard
melda melda 10 years
i dont like to
Realblonde Realblonde 10 years
Why have kids at all? The world we live in today sucks, so why bring another life into it!
sass317 sass317 10 years
If you dont believe in marriage but you want kids- then whatever. I personally didnt want to have kids until I was married. I wanted the security. I know a lot of people who had kids before they got married and it was just never a place I wanted to be. I certainly dont think that just bc your having a baby together that means that you HAVE to get married- but I wouldnt want to have children with anyone other then the person I married- so I took all the precautions necessary to make sure that when I told my parents that they were going to be grandparents that it would be good news. I actually had a friend tease me for being "overly cautious"- when he got married he had a 9 month old.
demeter demeter 10 years
Very bad idea. I will never have kids out of wedlock.
nessabum nessabum 10 years
as long as the guy is going to stay and raise the kid, it's fine. a child needs loving parents. to me, i think it would deepen a relationship, but ideally, after marriage. everything's just that much more stable.
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 10 years
I think you should wait until you're married to have kids, but that's just my opinion.
bibiruby82 bibiruby82 10 years
Despite the misgivings I have towards this, I don't judge anyone who does that because these things happen. Sometimes for the good, and once again sometimes for the bad(in the case of my guy friend). It all depends, and it's the 21st century after all.
bibiruby82 bibiruby82 10 years
For me personally it's a bad idea, unless I got married before the baby was born. However when it comes to the masses, it all depends. Sometimes it brings a couple closer together(it did just that for my cousin and his then girlfriend[now wife] when their eldest son was born nearly 10 years ago. They got married when their son was 4.) Sometimes it isn't, mainly because there are unfortunately some women out there who will have a baby for the sole purpose of tying a guy down before he's even ready for commitment. Especially when she knows he doesn't have to marry her if he isn't ready for marriage, he can instead pay child support and share custody of their baby. The latter has happened to my guy friend, whose wife is shady as hell(her former boyfriend broke up with her because she wanted a baby, he[the former boyfriend] wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility yet because both were in high school[I graduated with her ex boyfriend, she graduated the following year, dated my guy friend and eventually got knocked up and they were married before their kid was born. ]The last I heard, the marriage isn't doing so great, even after their 2nd child was born nearly 2 years ago.)
andaman andaman 10 years
I'm sure there are more to be corrected sorry like i said i have just woken up and i'm typing really fast here.
andaman andaman 10 years
was brangelina and waited not the above. i have just woken up.
andaman andaman 10 years
searching for grace i meant people who get pregnant when one of the partner isn't divorce is yet from his partner to be with them. The famous case which i referred to is brangelina. I think they could have waitied to try for a baby. The word tart was for jolie.
junebrug junebrug 10 years
I don't consider children out of wedlock an option for me, I want to be married first, but I certainly DON'T judge anyone who feels differently, it is 2007, after all.
i-heart-monster i-heart-monster 10 years
cravinsugar - I don't think you need to apologize for having a strong belief!
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 10 years
I'd say it's a bad idea.
Marci Marci 10 years
I dont' have a strong opinion on the marriage issue per se. My strongest opinion is on children having the best parents they can, and that doesn't necessarily mean they have to be married.
Casimira Casimira 10 years
My husband and I were not married before our first child was born. Once we found out we were pregnant, we made the conscious decision NOT to get married while pregnant because we figured if the unthinkable happened and we didn't stay together, we never wanted her to think we had only gotten married because of her. I believe that marriage is sacramental and NOT a piece of paper, so I didn't want to enter into it lightly. I will say from a practical standpoint it is SO much easier to be married when your children are born. There's a LOT more paperwork on the part of the mother that needs to be filled out and a lot of probing questions that get asked: Are you sure this man is the father? Can you sign an affadavit to that effect? What name would you like your child to have? Should the father be listed on the birth certificate? Etc etc. Plus, he wasn't allowed to go in the nursery without my prior approval so I was awakened a few times by nurses wanting to know if it was okay if "this man" went to visit our daughter in the nursery or come into my room, which I found annoying, whereas with our other two he just signed in and sailed right into our room.
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