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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having "the Talk"

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having "the Talk"


There is no denying it --it feels great when you first start dating someone new, but it can also be extremely overwhelming and stressful when you aren't 100% sure what the status of your relationship is. Are you dating exclusively? What does he tell his friends? His family? Is he seeing other people? Can you call him your boyfriend? The unknown is so confusing but having "the talk" can be incredibly nerve wracking -- so what should you do?! Is it best to avoid having the talk and let things just progress naturally or is it better to define your relationship and avoid all the confusion?

What I want to know is, do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea to have "the talk" with your new boyfriend or girlfriend?

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calli-gurl calli-gurl 9 years
it happened to me once. i didnt know where we were. i didnt talk to him about anythin. but i was soooo into him. i got hurt, in the end. so obviously, i think that its best to have The Talk
dalia-doll dalia-doll 10 years
Communication is good! Well, unless "the talk" is happening on your first date. Use good sense, and don't come on too strongly.
nessabum nessabum 10 years
if the lines of communication aren't open and things aren't clear, you're wading in murky waters.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 10 years
"the talk" is fantastic for communicating in those early "what are we" stages. I think it's a must-have.
onesong onesong 10 years
i made a joke about it with my current boyfriend...i stamped my foot (literally) and said "i dont want you making out with other girls!" and he laughed and said, "i'm not!" and i was like, "well then change your myspace to NOT SINGLE!" and he laughed again and fixed it. it was lighthearted but it made me feel better, because i was for serious in love with him and i would have been DEVASTATED if something had happened. basically i feel as though if you're thinking that you will "break up with him" if something happens, it's time for the talk. if you don't really care either way then save it for when you do. :)
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 10 years
Talks are always a good thing in relationships. Relationships are based on how well you communicate with each and let each other know how you are feeling. If your mature enough about, you do talk, and come to a conculsion and figure it out together. If your not mature enough, you'll end up picking fights and not handling it like an adult. People can't read minds and that's why it's important to communicate your feelings and thoughts, and what you want in the realtionship you have.
AtlantaNoleGirl AtlantaNoleGirl 10 years
I'm actually in this situation right now! I'm kind of taking it in stages. I know his friends know about me, because I have met them. We've talked a little about being exclusive, but haven't used "the b word" yet! The most stressful part of it all is deciding when to change my "relationship status" on facebook!! Ha!
meganekko meganekko 10 years
Not good, Great Idea! if you don't know what he's thinking, and you're afraid of communicating about it, what kind of relationship are you in anyway? get it out there in the open and you'll both feel better.
katie225 katie225 10 years
if you don't talk and aren't open about what you want versus what he wants, you're going to end up getting hurt. there's a lot of people out there, whether they're guys or girls, who just want to go out, have a good time, have sex, and go their separate ways. so if you're open about what you want from the beginning, you're only going to scare off the ones who don't want the same thing. and seriously, why are you wasting your time with someone who doesn't want the same thing as you? if you want a one night stand, what if the guy's looking for a serious relationship and starts to get all clingy? what if you're looking for a serious relationship, and he won't answer your calls? if you're not open about what you want during that first date, you're going to end up hurt or annoyed. you know where i learned this from? tom leykis, a radio personality most people think is misogynist. but he's not! if you really listen to what he says, even though he's talking to guys, you can get some advice for yourself out of it!
missro21 missro21 10 years
Talk is good, but not right away. Wait a couple of months to see some of his demons then have the talk. As soon as you say, "So where is this going..." 90 percent of them are already out the door.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 10 years
Talk is good but I agree with those who say it is all timing. The wrong timing and a good relationship is going down.
rubialala rubialala 10 years
Good communication is always a good idea.
Marci Marci 10 years
That's a good point, popgoestheworld. And yeah, cgmaetc. There are the guys who do that. I know what you're saying.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I personally won't sleep with more than one guy, and won't sleep with a guy who is sleeping with other people. So I basically make that clear when it comes time for that, and that's about it.
cgmaetc cgmaetc 10 years
I hear you Marci, but sometimes you can "know where you stand" and then the guy says, "I never SAID we were a couple." You are thinking he's all yours, and he's looking to play the field.
Marci Marci 10 years
I don't know. My own experience has always been that when I feel the need to have 'the talk' then there's some question in my mind about where I stand with the guy. When I don't feel the need for 'the talk', I'm secure in where I stand with the guy. So that's my two cents.
MotoLinz MotoLinz 10 years
I think it's good to know exactly where you stand, always.
jen-n-juice jen-n-juice 10 years
P.S. Don't hurry into coupledom...there's a lot you don't know about one another when you first start dating...unless you happen to have been best friends in the first place! (in which case, still don't hurry, because there's a lot of baggage that comes with being boyfriend and girlfriend!)
jen-n-juice jen-n-juice 10 years
Talk is good! I've had a couple of boys claim they were my boyfriend...and I didn't even know we were a couple. I really hate when I'm introduced as the girlfriend before the second date! But I also hate when I'm left in the dark and we've been going on dates for a couple months or more. Sometimes there's no guarantee whether you two are a couple or not..kinda one of those "Don't ask, don't tell" policies. And if you're wondering how you can nonchalantly find out, blame it on your friends! Say that "Inquiring Minds" would like to know. It takes some of the awkwardness out of it, and you can laugh it off...but at least you'll know one way or the other..and/or can segue into what you would or wouldn't like to be.
Pinkgirl88 Pinkgirl88 10 years
good idea... from the begining things need to be open and on the table... esp if he would consider being intamite with someone else. you need to know for simple safety's sake. JMO
fab4 fab4 10 years
Good idea...if its at the right time. Bad timing with this converstaion can make the realtionship go in a different direction.
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