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A Good Idea or a Bad Idea: Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships aren't ideal but sometimes couples don't have a choice in the matter and they have to make the best of it. If you are living apart from your boyfriend or girlfriend, it's crucial to be as open and honest as possible in order to make it work since there is so much room for misunderstandings and jealousy. At the end of the day, they work for some people but for others, the distance is just too much to handle. I've done it before and I most likely wouldn't ever do it again, but what I want to know is, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to have a long distance relationship?


sherstar sherstar 8 years
I dated a guy in Florida for almost 6 months. I live Denver, Colorado. Luckily he had hope for us and sent for me by plane or came to see me. The longest we ever waited to see each other was 1 month. We did and had web cams so we were on them nightly. I had no other life for 4 months anyway. I loved seeing him and it was working. Our problem, he was going through a divorce, and of course I didn't know about it till after my heart got caught up in him. The problem came when he decided I didn't fit his "mold." He had some minor complaints about me, however, when I brought up his major red flags, especially the marriage part, he lost respect in me and also his confidence to confide in me. The hardest part is trying to communicate from afar. I want to look at someone face to face and make it right. All we had was phone, text messaging and skype. I think the internet and messaging is the worst part of anyone's relationship. To many mixed signals, and that is where our problem lyed. I was even willing to leave my kids, move there to be with him and his younger children. What a wake up call. Now I'm trying to keep anyone I date close to home. I do think long distant relationships can work. I would only do it again if there were guarantee's we wouldn't go long in between seeing each other. We were both faithful, we were on skype for all hours of the night. We were in love, still are, but re-evaluating a posibility with someone new. Sad, but true. Good luck to all of you gong through something similar.
longdistance longdistance 8 years
I have been in one and it does work (or at least it did for me!). Trust, commitment and lots of love should suffice. If you don't believe check all those succesful stories here: Good luk to all!
greenmint greenmint 9 years
i'm also currently in a LDR. I had one before but it did not succeeded not because of the distance, but for other reasons that might as well happen when a person is near. In this second LDR, my bf lives in the north while i'm finishing my major to continue studies in other university near his area in a year. He accepted the temporary situation with a little impatience but at the same time, we talk on the phone daily so it is almost like seeing him everyday.It is not easy but as the others have says, with love, compromise and responsability, it can work out.
lilangel812 lilangel812 10 years
I'm currently in along distance relationship, my bf and I attend college in different state, he's in GA and I'm in ND. We've been together for two and a half years. I got to admit long distance relationship is hard work because we have to completely trust each other and staying loyal to each other. We have work and classes to study for, sometime the most we talk with one another is a few minutes between changing classes or during the drive to work or sometime we just write each other a quick email, but since we love each other so much I think it all worth it because it allow us to value one another and the time we have with each other.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 10 years
I dated a guy for a year, who was in the army stationed at Fort campbell KY, while i was in florida. It cause me nothing but a headache over severe jealousy issues and it cost me alot of money visiting.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I had a great long distance with my guy for over a year. It forced us to do things we were not used to. We had to learn to trust each other hundreds of miles apart. We let us really enjoy the time we did get to see each other. I think it was the one factor that made our relationship last more than my past relationships.
Buffy2103 Buffy2103 10 years
I was in a long distance relationship my last 2 years of college. My boyfriend was starting medical school in Philadelphia, while I was finshing college at the U of Iowa and if was definetly tough. We met about a month before he was moving to PA for school, so most of our relationship was long distance, and I think it helped that we were never accustomed to spending a lot of time together. That being said, it was still incredibly hard. Both being students and not having much money, we couldn't afford to fly out to see eachother much. Both of us have families in the Minneapolis area, so we would see eachother on holidays and over summer vacation. I did like having my freedom while I was at school to spend time with my friends, but I always missed him like crazy. I moved to Philly after i graduated and have been living out here near him for the past year and a half - it has been sooooo much better than LD! And he's FINALLY almost done with med school! It was tough, buet def. worth the wait to be together.
<3-Gossip <3-Gossip 10 years
It's hard to say...It's different for each couple. Those who have never engaged themselves in a long distance relationship are usually the first to say it doesn't work. I don't completely share that cynical view...However, I do think that there are both realistic and unrealistic situations and it's up to you to decide if it is worth it.
Marci Marci 10 years
It all depends on who the two people are that are in the long distance relationship. If it 's the real deal between the two and they happen to be in two different places, then it's a good idea until they can work things out differently. But some people say they're in a relationship with someone far away but go out and flirt and date or whatever. Then I say no. What's the point of that? Just depends on the nature of the relationship, I guess.
piraterie piraterie 10 years
I've had a couple long distance relationships and they've just ended badly, no matter how much work I thought we both were putting into it. And I know this isn't the only reason for what happened, but a few years ago my father moved across the country for his job while my mother remained home because it was just supposed to be a temporary situation. And now they're divorced. It sucks enough that I couldn't maintain a long distance relationship for more than a few months, but when my parents couldn't maintain one temporarily after being married for almost 30 years? It just makes me very distrustful of them.
designerel designerel 10 years
I've been in two, the first lasted 6 months and the second lasted nearly 2 years. It's nice in a way because of the fact that you don't see each other everyday, you appreciate each other more and have the visits to look forward to. Of course, when it comes time to part, that really sucks. Plus, personally, I like my space and would rather NOT see him all the time.
d_ford d_ford 10 years
My husband and had about 3 months when we were apart. He was in Boston, training for work, and I was in Victoria, British Columbia. So VERY FAR away. It was definitely difficult, but I was lucky enough to be able to travel down there every 4 weeks and visit him. You need to be able to communicate effectively and put trust in the other person while they are away for it to work. Also a webcam is great so you can actually see the person. A friend of mine, she had only been dating her now husband a couple of months before he moved to Ottawa from Victoria for work. They spent the next 10 months in a long distance relationship before she moved to be with him. They are now married. My mum and her boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 7 years now and they are never going to break up. They are both so fortunate to work in the travel industry so that they can visit each other every few weeks or so. It's nice that he is retired too that he can come out for weeks on end and not have to go back to Montreal. It CAN work if both people are on the same page and moving together in the same direction.
bbkf bbkf 10 years
My husband and I lived 3 hours away from each other while we were dating and engaged (I was in college and lived with him over the summers). It wasn't the ideal situation, of course, but I really knew that we could have a successful marriage because we'd already been through the toughest part of our relationship. We never once considered ending our relationship and were never tempted to cheat--that's how I knew he was the one. On a side note, my mom and her husband live 6 hours apart. They've never spent more than 10 consecutive days together in the 6 years they've been dating/married-- and those 10 days were their honeymoon. It just works for them. If you're truly dedicated to this person, distance is nothing that can't be dealt with.
lilegwene lilegwene 10 years
DaughterWar, what a bad conclusion to come to from one failed relationship! It seems obvious to me that there is more wrong with your friend and her ideas of commitment, loyalty, and patience than there is with the concept of a long-distance relationship. I agree with RedPointyHeels, it is case-by-case. Sometimes it works, some people will make it work, sometimes it won't work, and sometimes people just aren't cut out for long distance. But, coming to the conclusion that all long-distance relationships are "Utter impatience and unfaithfulness. So not worth it" is a quick, biased judgement.
cheesus-crust cheesus-crust 10 years
My husband lives in Toronto and I live in Florida. We have been apart since May of 2006. We knew it was temporary (I'm moving up there in Nov. 2007 FINALLY) from the start which helped. You have to develop a routine for when you are apart and when you are together you have to make it exciting. My husband and I get one weekend a month together. I buy new lingerie and we eat at our favorite restaurants. When we are apart, we talk at least once a day, at the end of the day and share what happened during the day - even if it is boring - it's nice for the other person to know what you were doing. It's definitely easy to become jealous but you push though. If you both aren't willing to make it work, no matter what, I say don't go through the misery. It's a difficult process. But if you are both committed, it'll make your relationship stronger in the end because you don't take each other for granted once you are living without distance.
LadyLibertine LadyLibertine 10 years
without seeing each other and using visual to fill in the dots ( that is what is missing after without and before and forcing you)
LadyLibertine LadyLibertine 10 years
if you can do it, it is a great way to get to know each other without and forcing you to work around it and have to look for ways to make your communication stronger it worked for me but, not all can do it
krEnElk krEnElk 10 years
i agree with redpointheels, this definitely needs to be judged case-by-case. My boyfriend and I met during our freshman year of undergrad and saw each other every day for four years. I'm in law school and he works and lives an hour away, and our relationship is better now than it ever has been! We get excited to see each other and make the most of our time together, and we fight a lot less!
lala788 lala788 10 years
i think it only good idea to have a distance relationships if it going to be temporary situation
yoan190 yoan190 10 years
We've been there, and survived. It was hard because there were times when we missed each other's presence and physical touches. But somehow (thanks to telephone, e-mails, sms, chat) we could make it. But I don't think I would like to experience it again. I'd prefer to go with him, when he had to go for a long time. :-p
Angiem10 Angiem10 10 years
I have been with the love of my life for over 2 years and the entire time has been long distance. And when I say long distance, I am talking Canada to the UK long distance! We are getting married in just over a month! The key to our success story was incessant communication and frequent visits. We were lucky as it was financially viable for us to travel back and forth, but the point is it can be done.
creepupmytee creepupmytee 10 years
LDRs will never work. most of the time, it just ends up in both parties getting hurt, or rather, getting tired of clinging on. most of the time.
Muirnea Muirnea 10 years
Long distance is SO hard!!!! Especially when you have a few problems to start with... My boyfriend and I are also going to different colleges, we are about 7-8 hours apart. We are doing it but we have some hard times here and there. There are times when I just really want to give up because it seems impossible. Lickety split said it very well. It is very hard not having that validation, I can be a jealous person, as much as I try not to, so thats can cause some problems, but we have worked through them so far. Also like elmendoa said, it is hard not knowing everything that is going on in his daily life, especially when he doesn't tell you very ever, uggg. I always have to ask tons of questions to actually get him started talking...I wish he just wanted to tell me things, to hear what I thought or just because he wanted me to know sometimes. Its very hard though.
Sofiababy Sofiababy 10 years
my boyfriend and i go to different colleges, four hours apart. he has his own house and i live in dorms, so we visit each other as often as we can. the main thing that holds us together is that we're both 100% in it for the long run and cheating is in NO WAY something either of us have to worry about. he cant lie to save his life-- neither can i. he cant even keep birthday surprises from me! also he's a true believer in monogamy [although i wasnt until i met him] either way i KNOW it would be that much harder if that was something i had to worry about. i think this shows me flat out if its the real deal-- and if we can overcome things together and plan things together like all couples need to. the long distance thing brought us together emotionally if anything.. not only that but when we do finally see each other it makes it alllll worth it. if its the real deal, distance wont mean a thing.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
fine if both parties are secure, committed to the relationship and independent. if any of those things sre missing it won't work. you have to be able to take it on faith that the 2 of you are "together" without the constant validation you get in a same city relationship.
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