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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Waiting Until Marriage to Cohabitate

Moving in with your significant other is a big step in a relationship. It requires a lot of sacrifice and compromise. It also reveals things about yourself and your partner that you didn't even know existed. For many, waiting until marriage to move in together leaves too much to the unknown — what if you guys aren't compatible? While others believe that taking such a serious step should only happen once you've committed for the long haul. Taking into account both the positives and the negatives, do you think waiting until marriage to live together is a good idea or a bad idea?

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Stellanz Stellanz 9 years
My Fiance and I have lived together for the 2 years w've knowen each other and it's amazing! you learn so much about them but at the same time i wonder if we could have had more "dates" together :P
brombe1 brombe1 9 years
I think it definitely depends on the couple and the situation. Our situation is unique in that we are getting engaged soon (already been ring shopping, got the parents ok, etc.) and have been doing a long distance relationship for 5.5 years now (four years were in college.) I have accepted a job where he lives 7 hours away and really there is no reason for me to get my own place up there. We lived together briefly last summer while I had an internship at the place where I accepted my job and I realized how great he is to live with. We are both so tired of not being together all the time that we are really looking forward to getting to be together. It made me even more in love with him to be honest.
MissChita MissChita 9 years
Well, I'm 24 years old and have been in a few 'long term' relationships, and I have always lived with my mate and am still unmarried and newly single (I'm definitely at peace with it now because God is working on me accordingly for whatever may come my way). Now, it may not mean the people I was with were 'the one' for me, however, I think it could have been a possibility that the relationship(s) would have went in the better direction if we werent living together right off the bat. For example, my last relationship (with my now ex b/f), he moved in with me maybe 1 month (couldve been less) after we met. First off, we had sex the first night we met. Then moving in together so quickly. Yeah, I found out who he really was right away, but we were committed, and I thought maybe I was just having to get used to him but all would be okay. NOT!!! I couldnt stand him! I loved him, but I didnt like him. And I wasnt in love with him. Shoot, I didnt have anytime to get to know him alone. And I started finding out stuff I shouldve have found out before moving in together. Long story short, if I could go back, I would have got to know him better (and not had sex with him first night we met) and vice versa, he even put a ring on my finger, but at that point, our relationship wasnt really good. I dont even think I wanted him anymore, I just didnt want to go thru another break up and having to find someone, or even worse (how I thought at the time) living alone. And like someone said in one of the earlier posts, its easier to stay with someone than to break up with them. Its hard to break up w/ someone when they live with you. So, whenever I start to date again, and if I meet someone who I would like to be with, even maybe marry, I would not live with them UNTIL we are married, its not like I cant go over his house and spend the night with him and wake up with him and see how things go (and him come to mine - just to see how we each live). Its not like we wont spend any time together and then suddenly jump into marriage. With that said, I think not living together before marriage will work out just fine once the marriage is intact.
shannon_xo shannon_xo 9 years
I am currently living with my boyfriend, so obviously I'm for it, HOWEVER, like others have mentioned I would not be living with him if we hadn't already discussed plans for marriage. We also only moved into together after we had been dating for 3 years (now five). We plan on getting married, but we're not rushed to do so. We want to make sure that financially we're in a good place and have a certain degree of job security before we do we make that jump. Personally, I would NEVER marry someone without first living with them. The first year that we lived together was stressful because we were dealing with things like joint bills, getting used to new quirks, cleaning up after one another etc and thats not something I would want to deal with in my first year of marriage. There are too many surprises.
True-Song True-Song 9 years
First of all, the verb is "cohabit," not "cohabitate." I cohabit with my partner. Second, the statistic about people who cohabit before marriage being more likely to divorce is a product of people who don't cohabit before marriage being much more likely to be religious and, as such, more opposed to divorce. The statistic basically says people who are more opposed to divorce are less likely to. No big surprise there. Third, "Also, cohabitating [sic] gives the guy all the benefits of marriage without the committment! The girl defiantely [sic] suffers in that situation," is the kind of statement that just really puts a bee in my bonnet. The stereotypes of women chasing after a man to commit are so tired. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Well, why buy the pig when I can already get the sausage? The idea of bartering with sex or other relationship benefits for commitment is something that should have been retired with dowries. On the other hand, I don't see living with my partner as some sort of test he must pass before I agree to marry him. I live with him because I like having him around all the time, the same reason I want him here on Friday nights, I want him here on Saturday morning. He's my family, and we're a household. So I chose other. We live together because it's what works best for us. Whether I'm married or not, I'm happier when he is here.
RaCheer RaCheer 9 years
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and we have decided to wait until we're married to live together. Living together before marriage takes all the fun out of starting your new life together. What do you have to look forward to if you're basically already "married"? I don't think you have to live with someone to know if you're compatible or not...that's the biggest load of bull I've ever heard! We know each other inside and out...the good, bad, and the UGLY! Just my each his own! :o)
heineken67 heineken67 9 years
Depends on the couple, their expectations, their level of commitment...
dimples128 dimples128 9 years
Call me traditional, but I'll never move in with a guy til we're married. I don't believe in pre-marital sex and the temptation is always going to be there if you move in with someone you have strong feelings for. Living together before marriage would feel shameful to me. If other people want to do it, I don't agree with it, but it's their life.
designergirl designergirl 9 years
If my boyfriend and I didn't live together, we'd never see each other. I'm going to grad school and he's finishing up an architecture degree. We've been together for four years, and neither of us want to get married until we're out of school. It works for us and has only made our relationship stronger. We are both children of divorce, and we do not take our commitment lightly. Living together, married or not, can be great for your relationship and make things easier.
Aphrosette Aphrosette 9 years
I am uber-traditional and think its better to wait till you're married to live together. That being said because of financial reasons my husband and I lived together for nearly a year before we were married. He had bought a house and I was in graduate school. Since he was paying both our rents at the time it made sense to live together. However, we did sleep in separate bedrooms till after the wedding. That was my only way to "keep it traditional"
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I agree -- it's a matter of personal preference. My husband and I chose to move in after we married. We dated for several years, and kept separate residences. It was the right decision for us, but it's not for everybody.
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 9 years
At least move in during the engagement!!! You don't want bad surprises when you merge two households together... Know what ur getting into. Everyone knows you have to research a good investment...
LuxuryAddict LuxuryAddict 9 years
How crazy I'm going to be moving in with my fiance in a couple of weeks. The problem with us is that we started dating since I was 14 so nothing was serious till recently. And financially the bills started eating up at his money so he never got to save. So we decided to move in together. Another reason being is that his family doesn't acknowledge him at the house and he feels more at home at my house. Does anyone think him and I moving in together is a good idea or a bad idea? It sucks because I want to wait till we are married but his parents don't push him to save, and I push him to save more and better himself.
ElizabethRae ElizabethRae 9 years
I'm not going to read all of these comments, but I feel very strongly about this so I am putting in my .02 anyway. I think living together is a terrible idea. I didn't have sex before I got married and I didn't live with anyone either. I'm not saying it was all kisses and rose petals but never once have I wished we had lived together. Yeah, I hate the way he loads the dishwasher and how he gets the rug wet when he gets out of the shower, but I dated him long enough to know that we are compatible enough to make it work. I'm not saying it can't work if you live together or that it definitely will if you don't, but if this is the only thing a person considers, he or she is missing out on much more important things.
lilprincess lilprincess 9 years
I take marriage and divorce very seriously, so I would never want to enter into a marriage without fully knowing what I was getting myself into. I hope to never get divorced, and I feel that by living with someone before getting married, you have more time to really fully know them and if you and your lives work well enough together to realistically be together forever. That is just my opinion, and that goes for everything in a relationship. For example, I respect people that wait to have sex until marriage, but I personally could never do it because I want to make sure we are compatible in every area. I currently live with my boyfriend, which was just very natural for us. Just this morning we got into a minor argument about cleaning the house, and it made me grateful that we are going through this now, before taking the serious step of marriage. I must say that living together has really been a great experience overall and has made us a much stronger couple. It really feels as if we are a team and in everything together, which I think is an important part of being ready for marriage.
daisydidi daisydidi 9 years
i think it definitely depends on the people involved. for me personally---my fiance and i started dating over three years ago. we dated for the first year and then moved in together. this was in our best interest b/c both of us had some serious roomie issues in the past...and if we couldnt live together we knew it wasnt gonna work out. but thank goodness it did!!! :) after living together now for over three years we already feel married.
littlemissme littlemissme 9 years
I thought people had stopped waiting until marriage to move in together :? It just seems so "old fashioned" and odd to me... I could NEVER marry someone without living with them for a while.
ilanac13 ilanac13 9 years
i think that in this 'age' it's really a smart thing to live together first. in the past - it's been really taboo if you lived with someone and you weren't married but i think that you really do learn a lot about the person. my boyfriend and i have lived together for over a year now and i think that it's one of the best things for us. we're planning to get married, and i think that we realize how trying it can be at times when you just can't 'escape' the other person. When we get married, we'll be around each other all the time, and this is good for us to see if that's something that we like and want to do.
workin9to5 workin9to5 9 years
If I said people who marry in their 20s are more likely to divorce than those who marry after 30, would that make you to wait, even if you were ready to get married at 26? Doubtful. Yes, that is a real stat out there too, but who cares, really? Use your own brain, not unreliable figures. It's just silly to use this overhyped stat as a reason to judge others or to guide your own life choices. With the right person, you don't have to worry about "why buy the cow." If that is a problem for you, you are in the wrong relationship with the wrong person. Find someone who isn't going to use you to cook and clean and who wants to marry you when the time is right. People who say, oh we stay at each other's places all the time and I know what he's like, etc., sorry but you really don't know until you're sharing a home. Moving in together was a big adjustment for me at first, but then it made our relationship so much better. We know how to work any problem out now. We know each other inside and out and I'm so happy we did it before getting engaged. Maybe it's not for everyone, and I understand. But don't say the divorce stat is the reason. Find a real reason based on your own values, wants, and needs.
javsmav javsmav 9 years
oops, that should say but you DON'T have to live with someone before you really know them.
javsmav javsmav 9 years
OK, I would just like to add that when I lived with my ex, I did not learn that much about him, because I already knew him well before moving in with him. Again, not that there is anything wrong with living with someone before marriage if you feel like your relationship needs that, but you have to live with someone before you really know them. I don't think it's fair to say that.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 9 years
I can't imagine not having lived with my boyfriend. There's a lot of getting used to it that has to be done.
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