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Greg Behrendt on Having Sex on the First Date

Greg Behrendt feels that making yourself happy is what's most important when it comes to the dating game, but what about having sex on the first date? Women often have to deal with the double standard that applies to sex, (when you have it, how many partners you've had, etc.) but there are some out there who don't necessarily play by "the rules" — some women think sex on the first date is no big deal at all!

If you're curious to see how Greg feels on this one, just


What are your thoughts on having sex on the first date?

I think if they want to have sex, yes have sex. I think if they're looking for a long-term relationship, they're rolling the dice. [People who it works out for] are the exception not the rule, because otherwise there would be so many married coeds. They would perform weddings in dorms.

To see more from my interview with Greg Behrendt, just click here.


Join The Conversation
mmclaire mmclaire 7 years
This isn't really an "opinion" type of topic. As sad as it is that there is such a double standard some men do think that if a woman sleeps with them on the first date she is easy. It doesn't matter what any of us think about it, that just is the way it is. If you want to sleep with someone on the first date then go for it, just keep in mind that you are taking the chance that this person may never see you as anything more than a one time thing or a "good time" from this point on. If things work out, great, but you're rolling the dice...
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 7 years
Good point Shydate, but are you really going to have such a deep conversation on a first date? "By the way.... I need to know how serious you are.....What are your morals?" (For me, I usually know these answers or have an idea BEFORE the first date.) Why do I have the feeling that if you were to actually have this conversation, he would be telling you "what you want to hear" so that he gets what he wants? Maybe not all guys are like that. I suppose the best approach is just take your time & time will tell.
shydate10 shydate10 7 years
Genetically we are different, our purposes by nature slightly differ, but when it all boils down our moral values should compliment one another. Who goes to say that a woman is easy who gives it up on the first date. I am a strong believer in going for what you want... I don't have any sensational stories about miraculous encounters that have bloomed into marriage. But I do however, have a nice relationship going. Counter argument... I have a couple of first date encounters that didn't prosper, but it merely depends on the mutual MORAL DEVELOPMENT of each party. If you both decide that you want to have sex on the first date, go for it... if you want a long term relationship and you still want to have sex on the first date, then you should express yourself. Let him know that you don't just want to shack up and move on. Your concerns/thoughts should count for something. If he doesn't agree then maybe you should reconsider.
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 8 years
I own that little bitty book Greg wrote & I guess it's okay. It does give a glimpse as to how men are. As far as the subject matter at hand, here's a scenario for ya: What if you talked on the phone for months before the first date & felt like you knew them? What if you hadn't been intimate for a VERY long time & were strongly attracted to the person in a number of ways? Does that make you a flewzy?
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Me and my boyfriend had sex on the first date but we'd known each other for like 2 years and had been waiting to rip each others clothes off the whole time anyway. ;) You can't make blanket statements - I would be a little more cautious about having sex with a total/near enough total stranger on the first date. Too much risk regarding STD's or pregnancy.
LadyAngel89 LadyAngel89 8 years
I don't know about sex on a first date. But I love that book!
lovelie lovelie 8 years
And someone remind me...what makes Greg Behrendt the expert on sex and relationships? Does he have a Ph.D in Sociology from Harvard, has he done extensive research with a host of different studies to write so conclusively about men and women?
lovelie lovelie 8 years
Personally, I would not jump into a physical relationship with someone I didn't know, but I absolutely loathe the double standard being discussed here. A girl is "easy" if she puts out on the first what does that make the fellow who obliged? A man is the only one capable of passing judgment? Ladies we can all have our personal preferences, without subscribing to such archaic notions about women's sexuality. We are not doing ourselves any favors by judging women who have different preferences than us.
ella1978 ella1978 8 years
Just another success example here. It was "technically" our first date, second time we'd been out together... next week is our three year anniversary!
OliveBlack OliveBlack 8 years
I don't see the big deal about having sex on the first date or not? If you want to, do it. If not, don't. If a man's going to disrespect me for that, he's probably not the sort of man I want to be with anyway. End of. Certainly you wouldn't see a man worrying about this.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 8 years
I've said this before on this site, but I will say it again....for every person who posts that they are blissfully happy with the person they slept with on the first date, there are 100 girls waiting for that phone call that will never come, and wondering if they went too far too fast. It may not be fair, but it is reality. If you are in it just for sex, and honestly don't care if the guy ever calls you again, fine, go for it. If you are looking for a relationship, I think slower is better...what is the rush? I don't get why women jump into bed with men they don't even know, taking risks on multiple levels.
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
GScott: ^^Ok, I was just wondering since you only used the woman as the easy one in your first post. And I am with you that I wouldn't really want to be with someone who gave it up the first time either.
margokhal margokhal 8 years
I know people [both girls and guys] who have had and do have sex on the first date, but I just wouldn't. I have no idea what said person has/doesn't doesn't make sense for me to put my health and life in that kind of jeopardy. But for other people, it's worth it.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
And like likety split's point...for me I probably wouldn't have sex with someone I don't trust with my ATM, Bank, alone in my apartment, laptop, or whatever. There's only been one person ever that I've been that lcose to. That's just my values on it all.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
^ Oh very much so, I agree with you, I'm not just limiting it to the concept of women (my views/comments go for both men and women). Really, I think the concept and timing of sex depends on the individuals. Everyone has a timing of when to do it and when not to. And believe it or not, everyone's judgmental on some level, so what you do when it concerns the mater can either make or break things. Thread lightly. (Really...I probably wouldn't want to continue something with a woman who would give it up to me so easily just meeting me...just from my own personal's just not what I want....and no I don't think you're a "bad person" if you's just not for me).
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
GScott: Some girls think a guy is "easy" if he "puts out" on the first date too. It is such a double standard. But girls and guys can think the same exact things, some people are ok with sex the first date and don't think twice and some aren't ok with it. That's all. And all the guys that act like the fact that they just had sex with a girl and now she is easy and they are perfectly fine are just stupid. How two people have sex together and only one of them comes out "easy" I will never understand...
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 8 years
Even if I wanted more or less out of a relationship I just don't see myself ever under any circumstances sleeping with someone on a first date.
emalove emalove 8 years
I completely agree with Bella! Totally depends on the individual people involved and what their expectations are.
Samantha30084 Samantha30084 8 years
I would never have sex on a first date, much less a 4th or 5th date. I went on my first date with my now husband, and we left the movie early to come have a have sex. Something about him made me fell it was right, and it was.
Myst Myst 8 years
It's not my forte. When I was single, I was very strict about who I was going to sleep with. We had to be dating exclusively for at least 4 months and got tested together. When you have friends who's contracted various diseases over the years, one contracting HIV... it makes you super careful.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
just the fact that people are citing relationships that started with sex on the first date tells you; it's not very common. people think what they know of you is all of you. so when you have sex with someone you hardly know they think that's your pattern, that's new. it's not a good idea for many reasons; std's and your personal safety included. try this, try asking yourself "is this someone i would give my bank atm card and pin number to? or is this someone i would leave alone in my apartment for several hours?" if not don't even think about putting yourself into a vulnerable position with that person.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
well like greg said, the relationships that last from those first night flings "are the exception not the rule" and I agree. Lovely. "i say" means "my opinion" and therefore dont take it as a judgment on you personally.
lemamike lemamike 8 years
Why is it okay for a man to be able to have sex on the first date but if the woman does she's "easy?" Sometimes I feel like we've come so far but other times we haven't. If you have a connection that will sustain a relationship I dont think sex will either make it work or not.
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