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Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Won't Come to My House

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Won't Come to My House

I've been dating my current boyfriend for about six months. We didn't make the relationship official until I was home from college for the summer. We have a happy relationship, but he doesn't come over to my house! Initially we agreed that his place was better because we have more privacy there. I visited him whenever I came home for the weekend, which was maybe three or four times during the semester.

However, since summer started I have been making the 40 minute drive to his house three days a week to sleep over, while he's only been to my house a total of three times since I met him. I brought the issue up with him a few weeks ago. He apologized, saying that he felt really bad that I was upset and that he thought we were in agreement that his place worked out better. He also claims that it's more awkward at my house because everyone is usually home when he comes over (although they never bother us, and we certainly have enough privacy).

I told him that it's unfair for me to always have to drive to see him, and that I feel just as awkward in his house because his family is always there too. Since then he has driven to my house to pick me up and taken me to his house a few times, but he is always so reluctant to set foot inside my house. What can I do to make things less awkward for him?

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annbaby annbaby 9 years
Nothing will work as well as the two of you talking this out. Tell him that you respect his feelings, but he must respect yours too. Agree to disagree, and let it hit at least half half for each of your houses. Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.
Niteblade Niteblade 9 years
Parent's aren't dumb -- they were once young too. They *know* or at least should suspect the degree of intimacy you have with him. If he's nothing more than a plaything, then pay no heed to my suggestions -- have fun, and move on. However, if he is something more meaningful to you, then you have to ask yourself why he is avoiding those people who have raised you since ... those people who existed as important in your life long before he entered in the picture, and who will exist long after your relationship with him is over. To me, at least, it seems that he was to keep distance from meeting your family because he doesn't want the responsibility of explaining himself to your parents after he ditches you.
ajennilynrushhh ajennilynrushhh 9 years
I agree with Asia. And gas is expensive. If he wants you to keep coming over, tell him to pay for your gas! But tell him it's not fair how he's not going to your house. Don't give in, don't go to his house, Wait until he goes to yours. But talking is key.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
You're gonna be soooo mad at yourself when you and him break up and you think about how much gas you spent driving to give him some nook-nook...
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
I think for a guy is nevaeh said.. he DOES feel like this 'Hi mom/family, I want to to have/am having sex your daughter in your house...' all over his face. The guy's family is usually more relaxed...because "he's a boy so is ok"....some things never change.
zabrow zabrow 9 years
why does she have to move out to make him more comfortable when she's said that his family is always at his house, too? i like the idea of telling him how awkward it makes you feel going over to his house & how much of a financial strain it is driving 40 mins to go see him (gas prices!) & see if you two can split your time between the two places until one or both of you moves out.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
Maybe he wants to get laid and you can only sleepover at his house! If you are allowed to have him over to your house, it is probably uncomfortable for him around your parents. Have your parents actually invited him over for dinner? I can understand why he wouldn't want to sleep over at your house with your parents there. But it is unfair for him to always expect you to go to his house. You have to communicate and reach a compromise. Either that, or one of you has to move out. Good luck to you.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
It seems that he's just feeling awkward. He's not comfortable because, um, yeah, it's like my brother say, when he was dating his ex, he said that when he had to spend time at her house (She lived w/ her mom and siblings), he felt like 'Hi mom/family, I want to to have/am having sex your daughter in your house...' tattooed to his forehead. And yes, majority of the time they spent at my bro's apartment. But I know you probably feel as awkward as well (but not as much as he feels since you're willing to spend overnights over his place). Like the other girls have said, either you find a way for you guys to move out of your parents' or, you make a compromise. Ask him to spend a little bit more time at your place, do it gradually. And I think it's a big improvement that he's the one picking you up, he needs to do that more often from now on :) Good luck. *Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
The-Drunk-Lady The-Drunk-Lady 9 years
Ditto to the above three comments. Talk to him.
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
Tell him you feel awkward at his place sometimes too. Thats something he cant fix, you just dont want to constantly be around his family. He feels comfortable around them and he knows that they dont mind but you feel the same way with your family. Make him a deal that he spends half the time at your place and you spend the other half at his. Then you're equally as comfortable/uncomfortable instead of just you suffering. I see his point as well tho as often parents are much less judgemental about their son's girlfriend then a girls family is about their daugher's boyfriend. People tend to want to protect the females more then males, and his family will probably feel much less threatened by you then your family by him, it's human nature. Just let him know you feel the same as he does at your own home and it's time for him to put in the same effort to make you happy. Or, move out like Luisamapacha said.. if that's an option. Good luck! "Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
luisamapacha luisamapacha 9 years
I totally see where he's coming from. It's probably time for you to move out.
njau njau 9 years
Has he met the parents yet? If he hasn't, he's probably hesitant, if he has then maybe he still feels awkward. Even though you spend a lot of time at his place, he might just be that more comfortable having you at his house. It's fairly early in the relationship so that's what I would think, of course if it happens like 1 year or more into the relationship something is definatly going on, he's not getting along with somebody in the house. I guess slowly ease him into it, at least he's heard your argument and has followed through slightly with it by at least coming to pick you up.
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