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Group Therapy: My family doesn't like my boyfriend...

Group Therapy: My family doesn't like my boyfriend...

When my boyfriend and I first met, we hit it off instantly. We would spend up to three hours on the phone every night talking about anything. After the second date, we decided to make things official and start 'dating'. So then, my parents, of course, wanted to meet him. They did and instantly I could tell my dad wasn't in favor of him. My boyfriend was a complete gentleman! He was nothing but nice. I asked my dad what he thought and he said there was something he didn't like about him. He just seemed not to 'mesh well' together. My mom sided with my dad. My sister expressed her opinion saying that he wasn't good-looking enough for me and that I could do a whole lot better. After all of the hints and gestures that my family were throwing around, I got tired of everything and broke up with him.

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For almost two weeks, I wasn't happy. I cried all the time, lost weight, couldn't sleep. I wasn't myself. Then my (now ex) boyfriend called me and we talked and we both want to get back together. We are back together and my family kinda knows, but they haven't said anything. They keep saying that they want me with someone that fits better with me and can take care of me. My boyfriend has been nothing BUT good to me. He treats me wonderfully, takes care of me, and is a total gentleman. And then my friend tells me that he bought a RING! And now it looks like he's going to propose and my family hates him. What do I do to make peace? My boyfriend said that he is staying and he doesn’t care what my family says, but I’m still worried that I’m going to loose him. And I don’t want to because I love this man and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him.

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Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 8 years
Why do parents do this stuff? Then you blame them for decisions you made and wind up hating them for the rest of your life. Ever see that movie Cocktail with Tom Cruise, or Crazy/beautiful with Kirsten Dunst? Heathcliff? Sabrina, or Guess Who's Coming Home For Dinner? The list could go on and on. It sounds like your family maybe created another movie classic. But this is real life. Slow down is my first advice. There's no meteors falling to the earth is there? There's also something missing here. It's in the nots. He's not a Harvard grad, he's not a home owner, he's not attractive, he's not a Catholic, he's not this and he's not that. But in understanding the issues at hand it's not very fair to judge people with the glass half empty attitude. You need to find out for yourself if you can take any stock in their judgements. Ultimately it's your life. If you love the guy then be honest with yourself, and do what's right.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I agree that the relationship is moving way too fast. It sounds like it has only been a few weeks to a few months. It sounds to me like your family needs to spend some more time with him to get to know him the way you do. They may change their minds. At the end of the day it is your life so make sure you live it.
Tamma1387 Tamma1387 10 years
Honey, 2 dates and a few weeks is a little to fast for marriage in my book. I know its hard to deal with family not liking your boyfriend, but girl if I could go back I would've listened to mine. I dated the guy my family and friends disliked on and off for over a year, when I finally realized they were right, I found out I was pregnant. I wouldn't give up my little angel for the world, but I wish I would've gotten over something I wasn't ready for and moved on when I had the chance. Now I have to deal with him for the rest of my life (or however long my daughter decides she wants him in her life for).
mominator mominator 10 years
When I was a teenager I went through the same thing. I did not listen to my family or friends and dated the guy 3yrs. I would tell my family that I saw a different side to my boyfriend than what they saw. Point is we eventually broke up (where I cried for weeks also) and I finally realized that family and friends do know best. They see a little more on the outside of the box where we just see the inside. I do not want to tell you to continue to see him and let it ruin your relationship with your family but eventually you might would see if your parents were right. Good luck. I know it't going to be hard no matter what you decide.
writebeauty writebeauty 10 years
Listen to your family. Your parents raised you and knows what's the best for you.
juliemyjewel juliemyjewel 10 years
I don't think a woman's family ever thinks the man she's dating is good enough for her. Either they will warm up to him or they won't, but if he's as great as you say, then I say go for it! However, I think you should reconsider marriage, since it sounds like you have been dating only for a short time. Things are alwasy wonderful in the beginning of a relationship, and that may fade after time. Please take some time to really get to know each other, and learn about each other's good sides and well as the bad before you make a commitment as big as marriage.
em1282 em1282 10 years
It depends on what your family is like in other situations. Personally, no one will ever be good enough for me (in my parents' eyes) and I will forever be 12 years old and should act as such. If they are always negative about everything, then I would say to ignore them (easier said than done, of course, but it's possible--trust me, I've done it before, my mom is perpetually negative and does not know how to treat me like an adult) and continue with your relationship. If your parents are usually laid-back and fair with you and treat you like an adult, then I would take their opinions to heart and see what they had to say. Maybe they see something you don't. In the end though, they can't control who you love and who loves you. Good luck with everything.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 10 years
First, you dont sound emotionally mature enough to handle a marriage, second sometimes parents know best and can see things that you cannot, no matter how many...3 hour phone conversations you have. Third, how long were you together that this guy buys a ring? give it some time, if you are that fickle enough to just drop him, it wasnt that serious
vmruby vmruby 10 years
I agree with Jen76 and blingbling.Maybe your parents are picking up on something about him and your relationship that they are uncomfortable with and that you might be missing. In my experience, it always seems much clearer as to what's really going on when someone is on the outside looking in.
blingbling blingbling 10 years
I agree with Jennifer76 - its going WAY too fast and frankly I question your judgement if you're already madly in love with someone you don't really know yet. There is no way you could possibly know someone enough to love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them after only a couple of dates. Maybe you have a history and your parents have every reason to worry. It sounds like you still have some growing up to do.
nessabum nessabum 10 years
you're the one who makes the decision. it's not like you're a minor. you can't let your parents dictate your life.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 10 years
mere exposure effect... just try to get them together more with him perpetually being the perfect gentlemen that he is, and they should eventually warm up to him.
sugar-n-spice sugar-n-spice 10 years
How sad! I'm sorry that it ended the way it did... I had the same problem!!!I even did the whole breaking up number, but I realized how stupid that was (thank God!) and by the end of the same month we were back together. My parents (half a year later and after much hell) decided to make the effort after seeing how much we were in love and really like him now! Don't let your parents decide for you. They don't have to live with the consequences--- you do!!! KT
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
My question is this - after the second date, he met your parents and then you broke up for 2 weeks and now he's going to ask you to marry him...? That seems like it's all moving very, very quickly. Is this the reason your parents don't like him? If so, I can see why they would be wary about this relationship. I think its important to remember that your parents love you and have your best interests at heart. That said, it doesn't necessarily mean they are always right.
mixed-media mixed-media 10 years
I've been on both sides of this situation. Currently, I am the one my boyfriend's parents don't like. However, he and I are great together as all of my family and his friends can see. The bottom line is to see if your family has valid reasons to dislike your boyfriend. Him not being good looking enough for you is NOT a valid reason. You can decide who you're attracted to, not them. Secondly, I'd see what your friends who you're very close with think. What do his friends/family think? If your family are the only ones with issues, then there may not be as much validity. However, if everyone thinks you're a bad match maybe it's time to re-examine. And remember, only you know what's right for you! It sounds like you really love him, and don't let anyone ruin it for stupid reasons.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 10 years
You don't need your parent's permission to fall in love. Live your own life.
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