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Group Therapy: Wait For Him to Make It Official or Move On?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been seeing this guy for way too long. Over a span of many years. There has always been a reason as to why he didn't want to make it official. Either he was too busy, bad timing, blah blah blah. He tells me we are exclusive and he isn't open to the possibility of anyone else but won't make it official. I feel like I have waited too long and it's not fair for me to wait around when I can find someone who will be official with me. Things have been rocky lately mostly because I feel disassociated from him. He runs hot and cold with his communication consistencies and his affections. We had a serious talk about things and he wants '''some time'' to think about things and then we can talk about making it official or not. Should I hang around or move on?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
He's just not that into you. Move on and find someone who is.
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
Wow, when I read the headline I thought "official" meant married. Not willing to call you his girlfriend. He sounds like a giant douchebag. But he's only getting away with treating you this way because you let him. Time to take control, get out and don't look back, no matter what he promises.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
Yeah, I agree with what the others have said- get rid of this guy, fast. Many men don't like to jump into relationships as quickly as women, but several YEARS? You deserve so much better than that.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
(I read the correction), So after years together and he won't even refer you as a girlfriend? My godz. If it were me, I'd be 'stick a fork in me. I'M DONE.'
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 5 years
Oh, how I hate typos. *sad, not 'said.' Woops.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 5 years
He doesn't want to be committed to you. He likes you and all, but there's that idea in the back of his head that there could be someone better out there for him. He's holding out for someone he thinks the grass is greener on the other side. I suggest you have a talk with him. Lay out all the cards for him, and tell him exactly how you feel. Explain his own behavior to him; odds are he knows what he's doing and why he's doing it, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings because he wants you to stick around in case "someone better" doesn't show up. There's a chance he may realize there is no one better, and that you're the best. But if it's taken him this long (you say many years, which is a bit ambiguous...but many years to me means at least 7 years), it's very unlikely that he'll come to that realization. Perhaps it's just his personality and attitude to always be seeking the next best thing. Take a look at other things he does. Is he always looking at the next breakthroughs in technology? fashion? movies? games? Perhaps he likes to travel a lot, or visit new clubs or bars and never stick with the same one. Maybe he always visits new restaurants, and doesn't have a favorite. Most importantly, does he get bored easily or quickly once he tries these new things? It's normal for people to have bits and pieces of that kind of personality, but it's troublesome when it's extreme (as in, trying new things all the time and never having a favorite or a mainstay, and then getting bored of those new things and searching for the next new thing). Those are just my thoughts. Going back to the suggestion, after the talk, only you can tell where to go from there. However, I strongly recommend you end the relationship if you two aren't on the same page after all this time. It's said, but maybe it's what's best for the both of you, so you can both find people you want to be official with.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
What do you mean by 'official?' Engagement? Introducing you to his family/friends or/and vice versa? From what you've described, if you guys aren't seeing anyone else, I'd say you guys are 'exclusive' or monogamous or in a relationship. But if after years, he's still being weird about label, keep you on your toes because you can't quite make long term plan with him, etc, then something's not right. Are you sure he doesn't have wife and kids in another state? Joking, but really. Yeah. Not good. I'd move on if I were you.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
So you've been "with" this guy for YEARS, and he doesn't consider you "together"???? I'd move on.
chibros chibros 5 years
He is not proud or committed to the relationship. That's just cock and bull stories to keep you around. You guys are more like committed FWB. Hang on BUT once you see who would appreciate you and make it official to you PLEASE do not hesitate to move on without looking back even IF he would be ready to change things then (because it would be like ultimatum that will still backfire on you later).
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