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Group Therapy: I'm Sleeping With a Guy With a Pregnant Girlfriend

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm 22 years old, in college, and experiencing more this year than I ever have in my lifetime. Don't get me wrong, I'm not whoring around . . . necessarily. I went from being in a 6-year monogamous relationship that ended last year to sleeping with a guy with a pregnant girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, he's the only other guy I've slept with, but either way . . . she is pregnant with his second child!

I've known this other guy for 10 years now, so it's not some random guy. I've always had feelings for him, and he was always in the back of my mind. The thing is, I'm not sure if it's my frustration of feeling alone, or just me being rebellious, but I know I'm not exactly doing the right thing. He really makes me feel special, and I just came back into his life since he had his first kid, and he tells me how he would have married me if I came back sooner.


My question is: am I just being a homewrecker, or does anyone think it's just me really wanting to be with who I've always wanted to be with? It's OK to be blunt!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
katykat1980 katykat1980 5 years
Please remember that whatever you do, you're doing it to his kids, too. If you are involved in breaking up a family, you are responsible for the happiness of children who have no say in any of it. Divorce is hard on kids. An absent father is hard on kids. Parents fighting is hard on kids (I'd assume not all is well at home with him). It's ultimately up to you and your conscience what you will do.... but it's not just his wife he is hurting.
katialoves katialoves 5 years
bluntly, the first thing that comes to mind is that it sounds like you are wasting your college years. if you insist on doing this, please try not to let her find out while she is pregnant, as someone else said, you dont want that blood on your hands. also even if she finds out after the birth, her stress will likely affect her kids. just think about that a bit. you are not a homewrecker but the guy kind of is. he might not want to wreck his home though, its probably just some side action. in any case, could you introduce him to your friends and family if he did wreck his home for you? for me, it would be too shameful. sometimes you just need to cut your losses and live your life without wasting time on this crap. (and again, dont contact the wife about your affair unless you think she's in danger or something)
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Whoa. Look. The heart wants what the heart wants. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with any particular guy. But you're choosing to be with a very unreliable person. He's betraying the mother of his child while she's pregnant. I get that that hurts too much to fully examine. What you're doing feels so powerfully good that it feels like it must be right somehow. It feels like you're in the right and that everyone outside the situation just doesn't understand. And you're right about that. Anyone in your situation would feel the same way. They'd also try to avoid thinking about the future and tune out the people who could get hurt. It feels too good to do anything but concentrate on the powerful connection and let tomorrow take care of itself. Keep in mind, though, that you're in the middle of the good part of this scenario at the moment. There's the fun part and then there's the aftermath. Once things stop being so lustful and easy and fun, you'll have this giant mess to clean up...or try to run away from. The powerful connection and uncontested feelings you share with this guy will end at that point, because reality will finally get back in there and remind you two about your obligations and the feelings of other people. Just do your best and be ready to own all your decisions and your mistakes when that time comes.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
Man, I just read through this whole thing again and actually listed all the name calling just for kicks: Heau, scumbag, Bitch/Biotch, idiot, stupid, naive, no backbone, boastful, nasty, homewrecker, lonely, desperate, selfish, unredeemable as a human being, unmoral, boring, selfish, and Troll. Sheeeeeeesh.
bluestar bluestar 5 years
Did you really need to ask???
BeCcaabou BeCcaabou 5 years
Timing is everything, save some face while you can. Do you really want him to leave her at this point? It sucks to walk away from someone you love, and it is cliche but time will tell. You be the one to do the right thing...if it's meant to be it will still be there when the timing is more appropriate.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Spot on, searching soul.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
I can only speak for myself, but I'm not hiding behind anything. I would say the same thing straight to her face. Personally, I'm tired of seeing people sugar coating things for women and giving us a free pass, while they go on about how the man is a dog, lowlife etc.Aren't they both willing participants? Is anyone forcing her to make these choices Someone close to me went through this issue. People can and do miscarry from the stress of these situations. Perhaps if more people kept it real, less of these situations would occur or appear to be acceptable.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
Whoa Dude, Obviously what she had done is wrong and it's clear that she knows that. I'll be blunt, it's who I am. You ARE infact Naive. His children will always be first. You NEED TO STOP NOW, GROW A BACKBONE, WALK AWAY AND NOT TURN BACK. People here hide behind a screen are easy to call you nasty, selfish, or desperate. It sucks that you even allowed for the bluntness, show's how you're starting to see remorse. But he IS and Asshole. You have made a big mistake. Walk away now, before it get's worse.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
Have more respect for yourself and get to the bottom of why you are so lonely and desperate. You are creating a lot of negative karma for yourself and setting things up so someone will hurt you just as badly if not worse in the future.Try being a more compassionate person-one day that pregnant girl might be you, with the cheating husband. The stress if she finds out could even affect the health of her unborn child. You and this man are willing participants in something that is messed up and borderline evil, if not outright.If anything happens to her or her unborn child because she finds out about the affair, that blood is on the both of your hands. Have a heart and stop being so nasty and selfish.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I got that 'boastful' tone and utter lack of remorse vibe from her post too. I suspect this may be a troll.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
And before anyone calls me out for being a bitch, the things about this post that bothers me are her boastful tone and her utter lack of remorse.
KeLynns KeLynns 5 years
Maybe it WOULD have worked out with you guys if things had been different. But things aren't different. It didn't work out, he didn't marry you, he is with someone else and has children with her. Sucks, but move on. It's not worth tearing his family apart because you have "feelings" for him. Yeah, he's a douche and will probably end up ripping his family apart himself if he already has you on the side. But you don't want to be a part of that.
wolfpackgal wolfpackgal 5 years
You're a homewrecker and he's a major douchebag. He can't be much older than you, but he is on the way to having TWO kids?! I assume that they are different mothers. This is the kind of guy you want to marry? He's an irresponsible cheating scum. Stop disrespecting yourself. GO.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 5 years
don't be naive-if he wanted to leave this woman so badly for you he would have done it already. Just find another guy
Ryah-Cooley Ryah-Cooley 5 years
To put it bluntly: Yes, you are being a home wrecker. Does his girlfriend know about you? Do they have an open relationship? If the answer to both is no, then stay the hell away from him. He's a father, even if he were to leave her for you (which he won't), you'll never be first in his life because he has kids to take care of. And even if things don't work out with him and his girlfriend she will always be in his life because she is the mother of his children. I agree with all the other commenters. If he would cheat on her, he would definitely cheat on you. Show some respect for yourself and the mother of his children and get out of this situation. You just got out of a long term relationship, take some time to be with out a guy for a while.
mix-tape mix-tape 5 years
He is only sleeping with you as a method of escaping his mistakes. He would have married you? REALLY??? You are smarter than to believe this guy's sob story. You need to stop sleeping with him and quit all contact if you have any respect for yourself, his girlfriend, his children, and the sanctity of a monogamous relationship you one day hope to find.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
I don't want to be rude but- yes, you are being a homewrecker. You're not just destroying his relationship with his children's mother, you're also potentially destroying his relationship with his children, which is not okay. Do the right thing and walk away.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
Yes you are being a home wrecker and so is he. Why are you wasting your time with a man who clearly has no respect for his girlfriend and no respect for you? If he wanted to be with you he could, it wouldn't be ideal for them to break up but you sleeping with him is just making it so easy for him. He may be the person you always wanted to be with, but he's not yours and probably never will be. Get away and find a man who doesn't have a family to take care of, you will never come first.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
Both Bellasupergirl and Raynne413 are both right on the mark. This guy is a loser. He's playing the mother of his childREN and you, so, odds are he's playing or has played -- and WILL play -- many more. Get away! And tell him how dishonorable he is. Doubt it will change him, but, at least, it shows you have character.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
I've always said that if he will cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you. Do you really think you'd be any different than this girl?
Bellasupergirl Bellasupergirl 5 years
Do you really want to be with someone who would sleep around on his girlfriend who's pregnant with his 2nd kid? No offense, but he sounds like a douche if he'd do that. And if he woudl have married you, he shouldn't have had 1.5 kids with someone else in the meantime! We always want what we can't have. But once you get him and the thrill of the "feeling special" dies down and it's a normal relationship, are you still going to want him then. And will you trust him knowing he'd cheat repetitively on a girlfriend? Enjoy college, then find a guy with more respect!
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