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Handle This: Dating Someone 20 Years Older

You’ve been close with your best friend since you were kids, and you’ve witnessed her love life every step of the way. After a difficult end to a doomed engagement, she’s been having a hard time moving on.

Next thing you know she’s taken up with a man 20 years older than her. He spoils her rotten, and seems to care about her deeply. You know some people think that age is just a number, but something about their relationship dosen’t sit right with you — from what you know, it seems like he’s made a habit out of dating young women. Now she’s confiding in you that she sees herself marrying him, so how do you handle this?


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ali321 ali321 7 years
I don't think age in general should be a problem. If he seems like a bad person that's another story. It depends on the friend. I would hope I would be close enough that I could talk to her about it and let her know I worry. Or at least just discuss the possibility of him growing old way sooner than her. See if she's thought about it. Some people are naive when it comes to love. Unfortunately they usually have to grow out of that themselves. Just be there for her. If handled right there isn't any reason to lose a friendship.
cloddia cloddia 8 years
I'm 18 years old and I'm in a serious relationship with a 38-year old man. I know this is a risky age gap, and I believe that as much as I love him, I remain very watchful of him. For example, does he demonstrate an attraction to younger women in general? Does he buy me things in order to keep me happy? Most importantly, does he expect any sexual favors? Every younger woman dating an older man should make sure of this if they want to move on into marriage.
HonestMuffin HonestMuffin 8 years
I have thought about this a lot actually! My 45 year old boss is dating a 25 year old girl, and he has major peter pan syndrome. I would encourage my young friend to think about the future! when you're 50... he'll be 70. Ask her what her parents think?? Does she REALLY love him, and is she not secure in finding someone closer to her age?! What's in it for her, nice gifts? C'mon, lets be honest here!! Who is she fooling! If she's totally fine with changing his diapers, I guess I'd be cool with that.
sldc sldc 8 years
Age can just be a number, but it isn't when a person is attractive to a person because of age. Some men are attracted only to young women and in this case I find it unsettling and shallow. Women are no better when they are looking only at the older man's money. In those situations, eventually, the woman grows older and/or the man grows bored or the woman finds someone with more money. Your friend may not be a shallow sugarbaby, but you should not approach the topic anyway(unless losing the friendship is a risk you are willing to take).
Captious Captious 8 years
I'm adopted and have no idea who my biological parents are so I have a strict policy about not dating anyone old enough to potentially be my parent. I won't pester him/her about it but I WILL call their significant other mom/dad. They'll just have to deal w/ it. heh
sundaygreen sundaygreen 8 years
I don't see any of my best friends doing this, and if they did I wouldn't care. One of my friends ONLY dates older men (some of them 60!) because that's just what she's attracted to - who am I to judge (and why would I?)
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Who cares about age? I dated a guy 12 years older than me for 2.5 years and he was wonderful. The age difference was funny sometimes "hey when I started school you were just leaving!" and that kinda thing. ;p It was cool though. As long as you are both mature enough it can work so I would leave her to it!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Funny, i just recalled knowing someone that is dating someone 20 yrs + her senior. It's caused some issues with her family so i've asked when she's giving him his walking papers. She too wants it to be over.
ESPNgirl ESPNgirl 8 years
Haha, it's like a page out of my life - my best friend IS doing this (however, there wasn't a sad engagement, but a bad break-up). At first, I had a hostile reaction to it - he was married at the time, then he got divorced "because of her," even though he was married for 10 years - but he's growing on everyone and it seems he really cares about her. She is happy, and I am not going to stand in the way of her happiness because there is nothing I wouldn't do for her.
jessie jessie 8 years
tell her as long as she's happy , go for it!!
rabidmoon rabidmoon 8 years
On the other side of the coin, I am significantly older than my bf, and it works. Its not something I set out to do, I have dated my own age, and just came down to personalities. I don't see him as some sort of "prize", he's just my bf. We get along because we are similar, similar things matter to us, we share music interests, we appreciate what the other one brings to the relationship and we are both very honest. If anything he had to get me to stop worrying about the difference, and I am glad I finally let that go, because it was stupid. Try not to assume the worst, or a the end, it really has to be the person first, not the number over their head.
MandyPinecone MandyPinecone 8 years
i'm married to a giy 20+ yrs older then i. i don't see a problem with it/ if shes happy i'm happy.
mondaymoos mondaymoos 8 years
This is completely not relevant... but could that woman's face be more obviously photoshopped to be skinnier??
fleurfairy fleurfairy 8 years
I don't think a woman dating a man 20 years older is a big deal at all. In fact, I gravitate toward men 15-20 years older. They are mature, they have their lives together, and by that time they know exactly what they want. It's much easier than dating a 20-something.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
As long as she's happy, I would be fine with it. Besides, there may be genuine love between them, even though there's a considerable age difference. That's possible. JMHO.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 8 years
well if we're talking about my best friend, i would just kinda indirectly state the obvious, kinda like "some people have done well with large age differences, and some havent. as long as u truly feel u'll be happy with ur decision now and in 20 years, then go for it. just make sure u consider all factors :)" something along those lines. and then just be there for her.
HayleyStark HayleyStark 8 years
Handle what? It's her life!
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