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Handle This: Do You Tattle?

Welcome to DearSugar's new feature: Handle This. I'm going to give you a hypothetical scenario and ask you to tell me how you would handle it in the comments below. Let's give it a whirl.

You've been in a happy relationship for almost a year. Your boyfriend has a lot of single friends, but one in particular is a total ladies man. You've always avoided setting up your friends with him because you know what happens behind the scenes and you don't want your friends to get hurt.

Despite all your efforts, one night your good friend hooked up with him. They continued to talk and occasionally see each other, but it was always on a casual level. According to your friend, things are progressing and she is happy, but you hear the real story from your boyfriend — that he isn't really interested, that it was just a few hook ups, that he's seeing other people, etc. You really don't want to get involved and stir the pot, but you can't stand to sit back and watch your friend have the wool pulled over her eyes. It's a tough position to be in, so ladies, tell me how you would handle it?


Chicago77 Chicago77 9 years
Sometimes girls (even friends) get mad when you tell the truth, even if it is something they need to hear, so I would just say that you always thought of him as a playboy, and not the committed type. NEVER tell your friend what your man told you. Bad mixture of he said/she said.
It really depends who you are closer to. I would do something like this: The next time she tells you how great things are going between them, just mention something like, "Wow, that's great for ya'll, I mean he has never seemed like a relationship type of guy before..." That way, you didn't just up and tell her that he's a player, but you did warn her.
lynn2007 lynn2007 9 years
It really depends on if its a good friend. If it is then I wouldn't even hesitate, but I wouldn't bring my boyfriend into it.
stardust3900 stardust3900 9 years
I was in this exact situation a month ago. I decided to keep my mouth shut and I'm glad I did. I never said anything good about the guy but I never came right out and said I knew he wasn't as into it as she was. A few days after I found out how much of a skeez the guy really was from my boyfriend his friend (who didn't know i knew) came right out and told her right to her face he was messing around with other women.
DecemberBaby DecemberBaby 9 years
Oh I'd tell. What decent person would sit there and let their good friend get hurt like that. I mean if she still wants to see him that's on her but you should always let them know what's going on.
red4bonez red4bonez 9 years
I would tell her. I would just be like look sorry but this is what is going on. I don't want you to get even more attached and then see you getting even more hurt.
Marci Marci 9 years
Oh, I would definitely let her know he's a player and is seeing other people, and that she should move cautiously.
Pir8Liz Pir8Liz 9 years
I would warn her and if I saw she was getting incredibly attached, I'd fully fill her in.
kenziebaby kenziebaby 9 years
i would tell her in a way that wasn't personal to her. like she tells me things are going well and i would say that's good, but kind unusual for so and so because hes usually quite the player. then let her do what she wants and support her
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
yes you tell her, the truth.
Dollylo Dollylo 9 years
If she's really a very good and close friend, I'd tell her. I'd choose my words because I don't want to hurt her but I'd speak for sure! ;) I'm just so tired of liars and players so... ;)
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
I probably wouldn't say anything, as much as it might bother me. But it would also depend on the kind of person my friend is too. People, girls in particular, tend to not appreciate it when you give them bad news about a bf or someone they are "seeing." I might drop a hint or two or try to influence her to see other people also.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
why would it be a tough position? just tell your friend. duh. what is this even an article?
remedios remedios 9 years
The more complicated question would be if the person were really good friends with both of them. But in this situation, if she were just good friends with the female, and had no allegiance to the male, then she should absolutely tell her. Don't exaggerate or speculate though.
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
Tell her. Too many people tip-toe around stuff like this. Honesty is best here, and she's your friend he's not. No reason to protect him just to keep out of it.
sugarbritches sugarbritches 9 years
I think I would try to stay out of it because I see a lot of room for tears here. If I absolutely had to say something I think I would take the offensive and have my bf say something to his friend. Something like hey she's pretty into you and it's my girl's best friend so be careful what you do and don't be a dick and hurt her. I would still try and shy away from any involvement though.
acemonkey acemonkey 9 years
If I was in this position, I would want my friend to tell me.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
I did this once and I did tell and let me tell you, it didn't end too good. So I would keep ym mouth shut. For my sake, my boyfriends sake, our relationships sake, and his friendship with that friedns sake.
getstinko getstinko 9 years
don't sell out your boyfriend because that will get back to his friend - but you should definitely tell your friend that this dude is a player and she needs to break it off.
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
I would warn her, but I wouldn't bring my boyfriend's words into it.
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
I'd tell her. It would be MEAN not to.
LovelyLady8 LovelyLady8 9 years
oh def tell her!!!!! if she decides that he wants to date her fine. and if my boyfriend would have other thoughts on it.. i would tell him to let the guy know that the girl is kinda interested and thinks things are good.. so he can also cut ties if he thought otherwise. either way you gotta give the heads up!
cubadog cubadog 9 years
First if she is such a good friend than she would have already known he is a player and sometimes you have to let people figure out things on her own. To be honest what woman in her right mind actually thinks things are going somewhere after a few hook ups.
NdHebert NdHebert 9 years
I NEVER let 'my worlds' colide. My boyfriend and friends have breifly met, and my boyfriend has met my family. But I do not want to be around all of them at once, nor will I hang out with my boyfriend and friends at the same time...
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
I would tell her.
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