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Handle This: He Takes Another Woman as His Date

A business associate of your fiancé is having a huge and decadent wedding this weekend. He’s also a possible investor in your fiancé’s new start up, so it’s a schmoozing event too. Of course you’ve been planning on going, but when you come down with a horrible flu, there’s just no way you can make it.

You’re surprised when your fiancé tells you that instead of going stag, he invited his bookkeeper, who’s been helping out with the business. You’ve known her for ages, and in that time you’ve always been pleasant with her, but you can’t help but find it weird that she’s going to be his date. You don’t want to get upset over nothing, but how would you handle this?


christin043 christin043 9 years
Ok I have a question not really to do with this topic. A childhood friend of mine is getting married this summer and she invited me plus one. Since I am as single as a dollar bill, is it wrong of me to bring a girl friend along (who has only met the bride a couple of casual times), since there may be elegible bachelors there, or do I stick with the traditional bring-my-best-guy-friend route?
kiwishe kiwishe 9 years
Absolutely NOT! What's wrong with going at it alone? I'd just fake that the cold is getting better and still go.
My1mia My1mia 9 years
Considering that this is a "what if" I would have to say no I would not approve.
My1mia My1mia 9 years
HanDle it? Just won't happen!
puddlesworth puddlesworth 9 years
I'd be okay with it I guess
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
If everyone knows he's yours than maybe. If you've met his coworkers than you surely have nothing to worry about. That being said I'd be a little pissed he came up with it so fast since the flu is surely a last minute thing. Huh.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
I never have to deal with this before because my hubby is the type of guy who will NEVER take another woman to attend those type of events because he doesn't think it's right to do that plus, he'd probably not go at all (or if has to, go by himself) to the party. But since this is a 'what if,' tsk...if this were about me and another guy (beside my hubby) who's my 'fiancee,' I'd probably be okay with it since I know both of them quite well and it's business. I'm not going to harp on him, but if he decided to keep taking her as a 'date' to events like this over me, then it'll be a huge problem. Other than that, since I'm supposedly 'sick,' then alrighty then.
clareberrys clareberrys 9 years
thank you fabric 2000! No man who truly loves his wife and cares for the fact that she is feeling ill would bring ANOTHER WOMAN to a wedding!!! It doesn't matter how faithful he is or how much you trust him you do not bring another woman besides your wife/fiance/girlfriend to a wedding unless you are unattached and are just bringing a casual date! Whatever happened to etiquette?
fabric2000 fabric2000 9 years
coming from a man this guy is way out of line. its morally wrong.
javsmav javsmav 9 years
Yeah, I would feel a little uncomfortable about this situation. It seems like a very strange decision. First of all, it's a wedding. Is the groom really going to have time to schmooze with your fiance & a bookkeeper (second of all, bookkeeper?! really?) A business lunch, a happy hour, or even a cocktail party--these are acceptable places to pitch a business idea, but at all the weddings I've been to, the bride & groom barely have time to say more than "hi" to anyone. Also, not that I'm a "it's MY day" type of girl, but I'd be a little annoyed if a guest at my wedding was trying to get my husband to invest in his company during the reception. I mean, sure he should go & be social with the potential investor, but it's a little strange that he needs the bookkeeper there given that it's unlikely they'll be talking business. Maybe I don't fully understand the way his business is set up, but um, I just don't see how a bookkeeper needs to be there. At the very least, you should let him know your reservations.
omlove omlove 9 years
Since its a wedding, the situation does seem strange otherwise I dont think I would mind. I trust him completely but then I wouldnt be thrilled about it.
lizadilly lizadilly 9 years
I think the important thing is being honest about how you feel. Me, I wouldn't mind, but I might have a few suggestions -- like please check in with me and please tell others that I would have come but I'm sick, so they don't make crude assumptions. But if you really aren't OK with it you shouldn't pretend to be. That bitterness will grow over time, even if you don't remember where it's from. These are exactly the kind of mundane things husbands & wives have to work through together.
ChrissyBaby ChrissyBaby 9 years
I agree with KadBunny. I don't see why he has to go with a date in the first place.
geebers geebers 9 years
I have to jump in and say that a wedding is not an appropriate event to take a business anyone to. First of all, if this was MY wedding -id be really insulted at the etiquette breach performed. I invited a couple to my wedding so they can enjoy a celebration that is very important to me. So if one person gets ill, Id have a difficult time understanding why some person I have never met is attending in that person's place UNLESS I know them. If you RSVP to a function -especially a wedding- I think it is extremely rude to bring someone not invited because you cant go alone. Id like to point out that a business meeting is absolutely 100% fine - but to bring a colleague to a wedding to discuss business?? That seems so incredibly tacky. Id be mad at my boyfriend for being rude.
tiff58 tiff58 9 years
Um, this would be a big NO for me. I am in total agreement with vanprooyen. I don't have jealousy issues, but there are some things that you just don't do in a relationship, and if the situation were reversed my fiance would not be okay with it either. There is truly no need for him to have to go with another person. I would actually think that people would find it strange for him to be bringing a date when I was sick. Why not just ride together with another couple? Also, the way that this was posted, it said that "you can't help but find it weird"....follow your intuition!
krock19 krock19 9 years
I could care less - at least someone would get to enjoy it. My FI has taken our (female) best friend to a number of events when I can't go. Whatever- I know him well enough to know that I don't need to worry.
md12398 md12398 9 years
i think this is fine. i trust my fiance completely, and even though it's a wedding, i still see why it's seen as a business function -- if the groom is a potential investor, it would be inappropriate to snub his invitation. and i have to defend why the bookkeeper needs to go. my boss & mentor frequently took me with him to many business meetings/events, so i could sit in on high-level meetings before actually having to run them. i see the fiance taking the bookkeeper as a way of helping her network and potentially advance her career, and after having someone help me out like that, i think it's totally acceptable.
KansasNutmeg KansasNutmeg 9 years
I would say its I would be pissed if he stayed at the reception the entire time or super late into the night.
jill37 jill37 9 years
It all depends on how he handles it. Scenario A: he asks me if I'm ok with him going with another date, he shows concern about leaving me alone sick, he calls from the wedding to check in and say hi, he comes home from the reception early, I don't have any past reasons not to trust him = TOTALLY FINE Scenario B: he doesn't ask how I feel about it, he seems oblivious to the fact that I feel sick because he's more interested in his plans for the evening, he comes home late and drunk and talking about what a great time he had = TOTALLY NOT FINE
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
This is just one of those sucky situations you can't really do much about. I'd be upset at the thought of him taking another woman to a wedding. I don't think my boyfriend would do that anyway. But in your situation it sounds like he's been very upfront with you about the whole thing. He doesn't want to go stag so he brings a business associate, who will at least be there for an objective. I get it but I still wouldn't like it. I'm with the above posters....he should leave the reception early. My boyfriend has a profession that calls for him to "kiss ass" sometimes and I don't like it at all. My opinion of good business is very different from his. So it's a topic we don't necessarily see eye-to-eye on.
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
I hate going to weddings without a date. I don't know anyone, I feel awkward, I forgot the names of the people I just met... if I could bring even a casual acquaintance, I'd feel better. especially if I was additionally nervous because it's a networking event. I would say go with your bookkeeper darling, but you better bring me back some wedding cake and remember who is dancing with you at YOUR wedding. I would just like to treat my boyfriend the way I'd want him to treat me in the same situation. If I was going to a wedding for networking purposes that he couldn't attend, would it really be fair of him to tell me I couldn't go with another business associate?
aoitenshi aoitenshi 9 years
I agree with RockAndRepublic. I don't see why he HAS to take the bookkeeper. He can go stag, you know. Normally I don't have a problem with these kinds of things, I mean I still meet up with my exes every now and then because we're friends, and I would allow my guy to do the same thing, but this situation is just a little weird.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
I really don't see the part where he has to take the bookeeper. No really.
missemily missemily 9 years
and a person can't go solo to a wedding because????
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