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Handle This: He's a Virgin

Handle This: He's a Virgin

After a month of dating, things have been getting hot and heavy with your new man. But just before things take off, he always puts a stop to them. You’re not opposed to waiting longer to have sex, but you can’t help notice how quick he is to move things away from that territory.

On a particularly romantic and special night together, you think it’s finally going to happen. He’s set the mood and doesn’t appear to be as uncomfortable as he usual is. But just as things heat up, he pulls away from you yet again, admitting that he’s never had sex before and is scared. How would you handle this?


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TJE TJE 8 years
I feel embarrassed being a bloke at 18 and a virgin. Thing is I'm so worried about doing it right the first time that I try to avoid those moments in a relationship. I think I'd have to be with a girl who has experience or I wouldn't know what the best way is. I'm still dreading doing it wrong. I also dread having to tell a girl in the future that I'm new on the sex scene.
RosieAllen RosieAllen 8 years
so my last boyfriend was a virgin and so was I, I wanted to go farther but I wanted him to initiate the sex and he didn't. In the end we didn't even come close. Personally I don't know if I would date a guy again that was so intimidated by sex it was really tough and frustrating.
Veronix Veronix 8 years
Take it easy.It will be worth it! My boyfriend was a virgin before we met (he's 20) and I must say I was a bit skeptical at first but now I can totally agree with people saying that it is the best sexual partner you can ever get (as long as he wants to learn) He really cares about what I want, so much more that any of my previous partners! I love it. He's designed to fit me :P Be patient!
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
I would take it slow and let him initiate things when he is ready, no rush. Let him get comfortable just like I would want someone to do for me. My boy was a virgin until he met me, and was a little shy like that, and now he is getting crazier and crazier and jumps me whenever we're together, LOL! :D
Seka21 Seka21 8 years
Id tell him if he was sure he wanted to share something that special with me he could (when he was ready) but if he was scared id let him talk to me about his fears and wait however long he wanted. I know some ridiculously attractive and intelligent men who remained virgins into their twenties. On first appearance they all looked like players YET all were very loving and just a bit insecure... i respect people who wait till they find someone. Better wait and find a good relationship than suffer those pointless flings. Its like not having to sift through trash to get to the gold. I have some trash i wish i didnt have!! lol
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 8 years
Wow, where are all of these male virgins? I wish I knew where to find them. I know a lot of girls who are virgins over the age of 18, but not a lot of guys.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
say "oh yeah", and get on with it. i would hope i would know this before getting into the bedroom, but it wouldn't make me feel differently. unless, you know he was 35 or something.
hope2be hope2be 8 years
hee hee, I'd just wait until he's ready, and if he wants, 'teach' him about 'as safe as possible' sex. And if he wants to talk to relinquish his fear (wow, a guy wanting! :lol: ), then I'd have a talk with him. I've 'popped' the cherry on 2 boys so y'know, this boy'll be ready sooner more than later, in fact, the 2 I've had were quite eager to 'lose' it.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
I would thank God to have a disease-free, drama-free man and wait until he's ready for whatever reason.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 8 years
one of my gfs really wants to "pop a guys cherry" :P
stumbler02 stumbler02 8 years
I completely agree with what platinum wrote, I am in the exact same situation as her. I guess the situation is more common/normal at our age (19-20). I do find what valancyjane says to be true--compared to the non-virgin men I have been with, my boyfriend gives me much more time and care in bed. That's a big plus for me.
valancyjane valancyjane 8 years
My husband was a virgin when we met. I can't remember how we handled it (it's been 5 years) but I will say this: He had not learned any bad habits and he's much more giving in bed than any of my previous partners. I had never had an orgasm with a partner before him; no one else gave me the time during sex to get myself there. So my standpoint would be: Proceed at a speed he's comfortable with, move in stages, and when he's ready, have fun.
queenegg queenegg 8 years
I was with a guy when I was 25 and he was 24 who was a virgin. He didn't tell me for a while and did this same thing. It really surprised me because he'd been in a couple long term relationships. Anyway, we were together for almost a year when he finished his maters and could only find a job out of state. He decided he wanted to lose it to me without telling me. I was adament against taking it because I figured he waited that long, he could wait until he married me. He convinced me with an hour, um, well, we'll say an intimate dicussion that we should, so we did. To my surprise, he was amazing, but I still regret it in a way because the distance killed us. I've taken four total, but this one was different.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
i think if you really care about him on a deeper level than just sexual then i think you should be patient and wait for him to feel comfortable. keep the lines of communication up. a virgin is sometimes a good thing. they are really eager to please and you can tell him and show him how to do the things that you like. some guys that have had too many sexual partners are more worried about what they want rather than pleasing you, so consider this a good thing.
platinum89 platinum89 8 years
the guy I'm with now is a virgin ( i am also his first girlfriend... hes 20, Im 19), but unless he told me (he didn't volunteer the info, i asked) I would have NEVER EVER guessed... he's that good at other things :-) I'm sort of a virgin... long story there. but anyway, we've been together for 6 months and things have gone great so far in the sexual intimacy department. The only real "issue" is PDA. But I'd rather have a guy who doesn't do much (i/e: rarely holds hands) than be literally on top of me. He recently brought up the topic of doing the dirty deed... :-) if your patient and with the right guy it will come around. he thought that this would have really turned me off... but here's the advantage, he's practically a tabula rasa....if you will. I can mold him to however I'd like (to a certain extent of course). I'm lucky that he knows how to turn me on (EXTREMELY lucky that he did so on the first try of every sexual thing we've done) so I just have to mold him in the other parts of the relationship a bit... so really, don't completely overlook a guy because he's a virgin or hasn't had many girlfriends. you wouldn't buy a dress (particularly a wedding dress) just based on how it looks on the hanger and not even trying it on would you? so try on every "gown"(guy) there is. going back to the situation.the guy has to have a backbone to admit that he's anxious about it. he's letting his "macho man" guard down. so many guys stretch the truth about sex. relish in it and talk about it, don't shoot him down because of it. guys are sensitive about things too.
designerel designerel 8 years
HAHA @ Caterpillar! Soooo true, it's very hard to come across guys who are virgins these days, esp. after the age of 20. I was talking to a guy for a while who was 25 and still a virgin though. Nothing ever happened between us, because of extenuating circumstances, but I was still shocked at his choice to stay a virgin. I mean, good for him.
Fallen85 Fallen85 8 years
If I was in this situation I would grab my stuff and RUN. I've dated a virgin before and he was as innocent as a tiny kitten, now I dont know about you ladies but I dont find kittens sexy. It got old FAST. I like guys who are at the same pace as me and I like to get down and dirty, I want a guy who can teach me a few things and hit me in the right places.. I'm not a big fan of having to teach anyone everything they need to know. I'd throw him my number and tell him to call me when he lost his V.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
My boyfriend had had a 2 year dry spell before me so we kind of had to deal with his sexual inexperience a little bit there. He was really nervous for ages. I've dated a few virgins, corrupted them all. You just take it at their pace. I'd slow down and tell him I was fine with cooling it off a little if he wanted to.
RubberDogTurds RubberDogTurds 8 years
I dated a guy for over a year that was a virgin. It ended pretty badly but not because of his sexual inexperience, but because of why he was a virgin. His roots were very tied down to his religion, unlike mine, so we had many differences that slowly tore us apart because we subconsciously hoped the other person would change. Chances are, if you aren't on the same page sexually, there is going to be more you disagree on than just intercourse.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I would hide him in a cage and sell tickets to see him
designerel designerel 8 years
I'd treat him the way I'd wanted to be treated if the roles were reversed. I'll let him come to me when he's ready. I'd try to make the atmosphere and surroundings as comfy for him as possible. And of course I'd be extremely patient.
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