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Handle This: His Mom Won't Butt Out of the Wedding

Handle This: His Mom Won't Butt Out of the Wedding

You get along great with your fiancé’s mom, or you did until the wedding planning got into full swing. At first, her help was great but now you feel like you’re planning her wedding. Her intentions are always good, but she’s very controlling and pretty much demands that she gets what she wants.

On a recent dress shopping trip, she tells you that she doesn’t like the one you absolutely love. His parents are helping out with a lot of the expenses, and you don’t want to offend his mom, but you’ve hit your limit; you love this wedding dress! How do you handle this?

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JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
Tell her that you appreciate her help and opinion.
injustica injustica 9 years
it's my wedding dress, and i want what is perfect for my special day. although i respect her opinion and am thankful for her help financially, it is still my wedding and if this is THE dress, it will be the one i wear walking down the aisle.
Hannah426 Hannah426 9 years
I think that in this situation, it's all about compromise. Since it is YOUR wedding, you should be able to pick out your own dress; you have to wear it, not her! However, since she is contributing to the costs, you should let her pick out some of the small things like decorations or something like that.
citizenkane citizenkane 9 years
This thread is a great example of why you shouldn't get married until you are financially able to do it.
porkypocky porkypocky 9 years
i wouldn't find it hard to say something like "sorry you don't like the dress, but i like it so i'm going to wear it." she had her chance to wear the pretty white dress, now it's your turn! i don't see why her opinion matters if that's the one you have your heart set on.
MarinerMandy MarinerMandy 9 years
Wow, this sounds exactly like my future mother in law except his parents aren't able to contribute any money, which we are just fine with. We just wish they would realize that it is OUR wedding since we are the only two people who will be in this marriage. They've tried to hijack the guest list, the menu, the attire, basically EVERYTHING. We just look at it as good practice for when they butt in over how we raise our kids! You have to stand your ground. Sometimes that does mean finding some middle ground because keeping the peace is important, just not at the expense of something you really want.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
WHO PAYS? that's ALL that matters...if you can't even afford your own damn dress and complain when somebody else (the one who pays) inputs ideas that don't go with your "style"....put the wedding on hold, save your pennies and pay for everything yourself! I'm sick of ungrateful b*tches that thing that because is "your" wedding but not your money is ok to start a fight with family! THAT is ridiculous!
sarlafrock sarlafrock 9 years
Why were you dress shopping with her anyway? I'd never be in this situation because I'll go shopping with my best girl friends and my sisters... MAYBE my mother... but not the mother in-law. When they give money they usually give a round number and then you decide how to budget it out. I understand requests for food or something, but coming on my dress shopping adventure? Nope, not happening.
citizenkane citizenkane 9 years
I agree with skigurl on EVERYTHING she said.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
hey Julie, i got your back girl. while i think it is the BRIDE'S choice and the MIL should butt out, you can't pitch a b*tch when she's paying for it. that's why i wouldn't let folks pay for ANYTHING for me. ie, helping you on getting an apartment, furniture, college, etc. because i don't want NOBODY telling me what to do and how to do it. save your pennies and buy your own dress! if you can't afford to buy your own dress, then maybe you should be thinking about your finances versus getting married.
julieulie julieulie 9 years
That should be jeoparDizing, oops.
julieulie julieulie 9 years
Skigurl, I am not in the least bit being "ridiculous" by thinking that the person who pays for the dress should have some say. You never know WHY they don't like the dress. Maybe it's strapless and it's going to be a church wedding, and the mother feels that is inappropriate to have bare shoulders. I'm getting married in 5 weeks, and I cannot fathom any dress out there that would be worth jeopartizing the relationship with my future mother-in-law over... a dress to wear for 8 hours or a lifetime of her resenting me? Unless the only thing she wanted me to wear was a potato sack, I would gladly change something to please her (and have done this multiple times for my upcoming wedding). Let's not forget what is important in a wedding -- the actual act of getting married, and the joining of the families.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
plus, it's not shocking that someone a generation older will not like the same style of dress as a young bride...it's something she should realize, but if she doesn't, she may need a little nudge to be reminded this is the bride's day, and the dress is a very personal item...you must feel beautiful in whatever dress you pick, and therefore you must have ultimate say and not be swayed by others
skigurl skigurl 9 years
julieulie - i totally disagree - even if the mother in law is paying for it, she doesn't get say in which dress is worn by the bride...it's an article of clothing for crying out loud! unless the reason she doesn't like it is because it's double the price of the other dresses in the store, then she still doesn't get veto power! by offering financial support, i feel parents are doing the couple a FAVOR, not buying themselves a say and organizational control over every detail...they had their own wedding....don't be ridiculous
faerymagick15 faerymagick15 9 years
sorry but the dress is off limits to future mother in law! I don't care if she is paying for it or who is paying for it...it is THE BRIDE'S choice of what wedding dress to buy. If she isn't objecting to the cost and its just that she doesn't like the style or something...TOO BAD!!!
SaRaH-22 SaRaH-22 9 years
i wouldnt care if she is paying for the dress or not you should NEVER have to get a wedding dress that YOU DONT LOVE. End of story!
vmruby vmruby 9 years
jaxon said it best..... I can't imagine what the rest of your married life is going to be like with the mother -in- law from hell.
jaxon jaxon 9 years
a wedding dress does not qualify as something someone else has a say in. If they were giving you money to buy a house and the house was a piece of crap, then yes they might speak up to avoid a wasted investment. But a wedding dress is entirely personal no matter who is paying for it. Tell her this is one decision you are making by yourself. You appreciate her input but you'll be making that decision alone
Sydney-C Sydney-C 9 years
Too funny, popgoestheworld!!!
julieulie julieulie 9 years
It depends who is paying for it. If the bride is paying for the dress out of her pocket, then her choice. If the mother is paying for any fraction of the dress, then that's your problem for relying on others for funding. If you love it so much, then buy it yourself, or not at all -- if she is giving you the money to buy the dress, then she should have a say.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I would say: "Oh, I'm glad we both don't like the same dress. It would be so awkward if we showed up wearing the same thing!"
brittanyk brittanyk 9 years
I would explain to her you greatly appreciate her help financially and her input, but you would like to make all the major decisions by yourself. It's your wedding, you should be able to wear what you want!
citizenkane citizenkane 9 years
I agree with the previous posts! But I would have laid out the rules up front. As soon as she offered to help with expenses, I would have very clearly explained that I would make the ultimate decisions on everything, and if she couldn't handle that, I wouldn't be needing her financial help.
Random2 Random2 9 years
I'm going to agree; it's your wedding dress! Buy the one you want since you're the one who's gonna be wearing it! As for the mother-in-law, you might have to dig in your heels and start saying 'no', or do what Jopperma suggested and give her a task you aren't really interested in and let her do that instead of being under foot all the time. My boyfriend's brother recently got married, and his mom is the one who's like this. She fought them nearly every step of the way; even about getting married in a church! They eventually just gave her something else to do so she wouldn't bother them as much.
jopperma jopperma 9 years
It is YOUR dress!! The dress is one of the most important parts of the wedding and you should absolutely not budge on what you want. Go back to the store without her to make the purchase and then try not to talk about it again until you actually show up in the dress on wedding day! I would also suggest that the best thing to do with a future-mother-in-law like this is to give her a wedding planning task that you don't really have that much interest in how it turns out to be in charge of. This way she feels included without annoying you to death. My future mother-in-law just got a new sewing machine and so I have given her some tasks she can't ruin to keep her busy!
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