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Handle This: You Catch Your Friends Talking About You Behind Your Back

It's been a couple months since you've spent time with your core group of friends. You've missed recent get-togethers because you've been so busy with work, family issues, and planning your wedding. You feel really guilty which is why you've gone out of your way to make it to dinner tonight at one of your friend's houses. You're about ten minutes late, and they must not have heard you come through the door.

As you make your way into the living room, you hear them talking about you — you just walked in on the tail-end of their b*tch session all about you. You know you've been flaky lately, but you thought they would have been more understanding, and you can't help but are incredibly hurt.

You think about going in and confronting them, but you don't want it to turn into a them-against-you situation, but if you just leave, it'll be another thing you didn't show up for. It seems like a lose lose situation so how would you handle this?

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goldenheart goldenheart 9 years
I believe in pursuing relationships with only people who have an honest character. Although gossiping about something as little as this seems like not that big of a deal, it shows that they care more for themselves and their situations than for you or your situations. If they genuinely cared for you, they would be saying things like "Wow, she must be having such a hard time with so many things to do. Maybe we should offer to help her out every now and then..." instead of whining about how you're a flake. When harder times come around, they will not be looking out for you-trust me. Get them out of your life and try to find some new friends who really will watch out for you. There are lots of good people out there who deserve your trust. To give people who are fake your trust is to cheat yourself out of the honest and happy life that you deserve. They are nothing but bad news-find some real friends.
JuliusCaesar JuliusCaesar 9 years
This happened to a good friend of mine, who was going through problems but couldn't tell our group of friends and everyone accused her of being flaky. I called them out on it and lost them as friends but she was worth it and I'd do it again in an instant. :-)
1QTPIE 1QTPIE 9 years
I would walk in and say something like "and to think I took a night off from planning my wedding to come see you w*****, some kind of friends...." then walk out. Another thing why is it that the friends aren't helping with the wedding?
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 9 years
Yea I would confront them cause thats how I am. I have to admit that I recently did that one of my friends (but I didnt get caught), I do plan on talking to her about her attitude. She's been flaky lately and I wanna wants going on.
robins robins 9 years
haha Asia :)
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
"Yeah I know eh! What a b*tch! Whats up girls? haha"
I agree with this and would append, "please dont stop on account of me".
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
bitches! i'd probably say something that one if them had repeated to me about another of them and then say "please continue!" and leave. then find some real friends that don't talk shit about a person having difficulties. honestly, does this happen to grown-ups?
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
i didn't tolerate this in high school and i won't as a grown-a*s woman! i would walk in and say, "hey girls. i know i've been too busy to be available to talk about your cheating-bastard boyfriend that you break up with 3 times a week. or that i have been too busy with work to go out clubbin' and get stupid drunk with you. Trust me, i feel bad. but i've been busy making sure i have a roof over my head and securing my Prince Charming so i won't have to continue to face my 20s or for that matter 30s scouring the club scene looking for a guy who actually wants to use the title boyfriend after i slept with him too soon. i made a really huge effort to make it here tonight, despite the fact that i have a VERY early morning and i live and hour away. so it just pisses me off to walk in a room full of my "friends" talking crap about me like this is High School Musical: The Remix. so here's your bottle of Merlot that i brought for us to drink like ladies . ..you know, grown ones, who understand when everyone grows up and has a LIFE, and i don't mean the one on Myspace. and i really like to thank you for doing me a favor; i just saved a bunch of money on the catering cost by cutting you guys off the guest list. my wedding is for adults-only. Ciao!" and walked right out in my 4-inch pumps. B*tches!
Meike Meike 9 years
No kidding. Backstabbing is so 'high school'. Sorry, but I have no time for immaturity. I'll find better educated friends in my league.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I would say nothing. I would socialize for a few minutes, and leave. I would drop them as friends. They won't be receiving invitations to my wedding. :) Talking badly behind my back is a deal-breaker for me. It breaks trust, and it's disrespectful. I would have preferred it if they (or someone) would have approached me to discuss my flakiness in a constructive way. I would have been opened to modifying my behavior, and even apologize. That's mature. That's how adults manage friendships. Talking crap about me among themselves is junior high school. As an adult, I only extend my frienships to other adults, not children.
BRANDYNICOLE730 BRANDYNICOLE730 9 years
To think that "that's just something women do", is rather disheartening, and just reaffirms my reasons for not having many female friends. With friends who talk shit about you behind your back, who needs enemies?
BRANDYNICOLE730 BRANDYNICOLE730 9 years
I would walk in and say "Sorry I'm late. I know, I know. I've been a busy bitch lately." And, then allow them to guess all night whether you heard their anti-you gab fest or not.
Merlin713 Merlin713 9 years
This has happened to me in the past. I confronted HER, and we had it out. Right after that I told her that if she wants to be like that I won't be here anymore. That was the end of that!
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
Haha this happened to me! Best friends talking complete shit behind my back. So I told them I found out, then had nothing to do with their immmature backstabbing. I don't need "friends" like that around :)
emalove emalove 9 years
Honestly, I think I'd probably be so hurt that I'd burst into tears. My friends and I have known each other almost our whole lives, so to hear them talk bad and angrily about me would really be hard for me to take. I think I would say something, but I'm not sure how or what...
Jacinthe Jacinthe 9 years
Confront them. I don't take that kind of shit from people who are supposed to be my friends.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
pfff i would definitely go in there and make them feel terrible for being so mean...life happens and friends are supposed to be supportive and understanding, and if i wasnt a trophy friend they can talk to ME about it, not talk about me. and then i'd leave and know who my friends are.
sarah-lynn sarah-lynn 9 years
I'd have to speak up. If they've been around for the last few months, they'd know how busy you are, and if they're any sort of decent friend they would understand instead of holding a b*tchfest. And they must really not be smart to be doing it while they know you're supposed to show up.
Emma Emma 9 years
I WOULD LEAVE AND STOP TALKING TO ALL THOSE WHORES :)
PJ-PJ-PJ PJ-PJ-PJ 9 years
I would have to say something. They would know by looking by my demeanor anyway. I have a hard time keeping a poker face. I agree with almostfamous, friendships are 50/50. I would have said something like "Are you guys finished talking about me or do you need a few more minutes?", in a non-bitchy way. Then, let the cards fall where they may.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I am not a big fan of flakes in general so I would have called you out on it a long time ago. While friends should be understanding when your life gets crazy bailing on them for the last 2 months does not make you a great friend either. Speak up and talk to them about it.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
I'd probably wait a few and then make a noisy entrance so they could hear me coming. Then say something like "It's so good to see you girls! I've missed you while my life has been crazy." and move on. It's not like I've never been frustrated about a friend and griped to another friend. Unless they were saying really unfair and cruel things about me, I'd just try to get over it.
Jeny Jeny 9 years
what would I do? Walk straight in there and say 'you know, as friends, we should all congratulate each other on success, be glad that we found happiness and be understanding of each other with our busy lives, and you guys can't seem to give me that respect.. you are not true friends at all' and walk the F out! Jealous girls!
Gabriela14815884 Gabriela14815884 9 years
I would definitely say something. If your friends as b*tching about you then they aren't really your friends. I would confront them and then move on if necessary.
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