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Handle This: You Don't Want Her in Your Wedding

Handle This: You Don't Want Her in Your Wedding

A couple of years ago you were a bridesmaid in your friend’s wedding, and now you’re the one getting married. You guys have been in the same group of girl friends for a long time, but she’s never been one of your closest friends; you often get the vibe that she feels closer to you than you do to her.

You’ve decided that you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding — you just want your closest friends standing up with you. You know that she’ll be upset but you don't know what would be worse — to tell her that she’s not going to be a part of your wedding or just let word get out on its own. How would you handle this?


ash_marisa ash_marisa 9 years
A girl that I have been super close with just got married 6 months ago. She decided to only have her high school friends (we're 25) in her wedding party, some of which she only talks to once a year. Her fiance (whom I knew first) told me that was upset that she didnt ask me, but he didn't say anything to her. She basically she invited all these people she "used" to be close with and none of her present closest friends. I understood her reasoning sort of, but never said anything to her. Well, a month before the wedding, she called me crying, saying the more shes hung out with her old friends (bridesmaids), the less she realizes she has in common with them anymore, and that she really wishes she has asked me to be in the wedding. I did a reading instead. The point of this, is some people don't really think when choosing their bridesmaids, and later end up regretting their choices. I suggest you have this girl in your wedding, because I have a feeling their will be some negative consequences in the future if you don't, throghout your gorup and friends.
onesong onesong 9 years
totally agree with pop--you don't tell someone they're NOT in your wedding! however, if you know it's really going to hurt her, you should evaluate how difficult it would be to have her in your wedding.
caryatid caryatid 9 years
asia, you are crazy and i love it. but what's the deal with 'milky'? i'm lost there. as someone who is dreading planning her own wedding due to lovely messed up families on both sides... good freaking luck with whatever you choose to do with the unwanted bridesmaid.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
ohkayla: that's messed up. even if you were broke, i would've still tried to figure out how we were gonna get all your stuff. all the girls, including myself chip in on your dress , hair, shoes, etc. i wouldn't just assume and cut you out. that's mean. i woulda took my engagement gift back from that heffa. tell her you gotta return it . . .because you couldn't afford it. COW!
ohkayla ohkayla 9 years
I say tell her because I was in a similar situation and it sucked. I was actually asked to be a bridesmaid and the bride assumed because I didn't have a whole lot of money to just take me out without even letting me know, I found out through her wedding website I was no longer in the bridal party. I confronted her and she apologized and immediately put me back in, I turned her down this time. So yes tell her, sit her down in person and explain that she is important and so on. Don't let her find out on her own if she is expecting you to return the favor.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
second half of the second paragraph...i'll just stop now...
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
ohhhh, okay. the "oh my god" entry sounded like a joke but then i couldn't tell, lol :) actually, i'm just now realizing that you wrote a second paragraph :ROTFL:
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
I don't get how having this girl in her wedding will ruin it either? See?
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
It's a JOKE. I just swear to god, if I hear one more person say, "it's YOUR day," I'm gonna hurl.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
WAIT A MINUTE: how does a bridesmaid being fat ruin another persons wedding? just being fat is some how hurtful? seriously, explain this please.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
This is YOUR day and YOU are the only person that matters because it is YOUR wedding. Don't let anyone RUIN YOUR DAY! Ending friendships and alienating people is so insignificant in light that this is the most IMPORTANT day in YOUR life. Omg...I was at this wedding once, and the bride let her really really fat friend be a bridesmaid, and I was like...I know they are close, but she totally should have told her she could not be in her wedding...she is seriously ruining HER DAY. Don't let that happen to you, I bet your friend is so totally ugly and that's why you don't want her in. I mean, she'll make you look good, but she'll totes fug up the pictures!!!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
It's extremely tacky to intentionally tell someone they're not in your wedding party. It just reminds me that people pump of their chests(over-inflate their egos)for such things. If you're not close to her, fine, but this whole, "she likes me more then i like her" assumes that you're doing this person favors by even pretending to like them. It all just sounds extremely b*tchy. eta: looking forward to 'keepin' it real' tuesdays.;)
jerseygrkgrl jerseygrkgrl 9 years
this just happened to me recently. my friend of 20 years was planning her "shotgun" wedding and asked me to be in it. i agreed and even informed her i would be traveling since the wedding was out-of-state. well, a couple of days later, i broke up with her friend who had cheated on me (and mind you, she was the one that played matchmaker for me and her friend). now, i told her i didn't have a problem with being in the wedding since her friend was invited and i told her to not hold any grudges against my ex. instead, she pretends as if she never asks me and chooses other people. in situations like these, you need to thank jesus for opening your eyes and realizing who these people truly are. :)
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 9 years
"i wish a heffa would make me cut the cake at her wedding. i would give out oversized slices, and when cake runs out, i'll just play dumb. hey, this is better than me "accidentally" knocking the cake over . . ." :rotfl: seriously...please stop.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 9 years
thegiraffe-I totally agree with you. Its not really YOUR day, its about you and your man and bringing two families together, and the worst way to start that off is with drama. Not only that but excluding ONE friend is majorly bitchy, even if it is "your" day. Asia-you have got to stop posting things like this in the middle of the day, its not safe for me to bust out laughing at work! :rotfl:
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
i got April-fooled once like this. a friend of mines was getting married again ( i was in her first 2 weddings) and she was at lunch writing out who were part of the bridal party. and i was like, " . . .and Asia. . . ." and she gave me a blank look. then she was like, "oh, well. you weren't gonna be in THIS one . . .". and just as the word "B*TCH" was coming out, she was like "April-Fools! you got punked." everybody at the table laughs. i was like, "nah b*tch. YOU was finna get PUNKED!" but it was funny to me (they can never April Fools me). but i was gonna snap that girl's neck, and i would've had good reason: - all those fights i had to mediate at past weddings. - and the kid running over her dress in his buggy-car, tearing the dress, and me sewing it back together minutes before the wedding starting. -driving all the way to her house (atleast 40 miles) in the middle of the night after a LONG day because her marriage was falling apart (1st hubby stole hundreds of thousands of dollars. 2nd was a cheating-bastard) i mean, the list goes on. i am a permanent fixture. i'm at the weddings AND the divorce hearings. i wish a heffa would make me cut the cake at her wedding. i would give out oversized slices, and when cake runs out, i'll just play dumb. hey, this is better than me "accidentally" knocking the cake over . . .
verily verily 9 years
If you don't want her to be your bridesmaid, then be honest with her. It's worse to lie or just happen to not tell her. I'm not married and never had this problem. My sister is sidestepping the issue altogether by having her sisters fill the role of bridesmaids. I'm the Maid of Honor. I'm sure her friends are quite thankful that they do not have to run out and spend $200+ on a gown and accessories.
bellaressa bellaressa 9 years
I couldn't give an answer, I was too busy laughing at Asia's comments. I just want to know do you all hang out or talk regularly, the post seems weird; however, it is your wedding so you can do whatever you basically want.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
you know in reality if the shoe was on the other foot, you'd feel milky as hell. i would be like, "b*tch. i put her monkey-a*s in MY wedding. and she KNOW she ate more crab cakes than everybody else at the rehersal dinner. ok, DON'T put me in your wedding. and don't expect me to get the over-priced champagne glass set that you have on your fonky-a*s registery either.i hope you cake falls on top of you on your wedding day! muhhhahahahaha!" don't tell me you wouldn't at least feel 2% like that.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
Damn, is the b*tch at least invited to the wedding ceremony?! what a B*TCH! it's like you're leading her on. you hang out with her probably let her pick up the tab at lunch here and there. heck, you may even have designated pedicure day with the girls, but she ain't good enough to be in your wedding, but everyone else in the clique IS? you gotta come with a better excuse than that. i rather it say that you don't want her in the wedding because she's lumpy, and you plan on the bridesmaids wear halter dresses. or the fact that she photographs like a bloated pigeon. see, those are legit (shallow, but legit) excuses.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I would approach her delicately to tell her my decision. I would talk to her before I make my bridesmaid announcement. I would do this out of respect for her feelings, the fact that she and I run in the same social circles, and the fact that I was once her bridesmaid. I think this is the best way to handle this situatoin in a sensitive, mature manner. Hopefully, she would graciously accept my decision, and give me her blessing. But that's up to her. :)
kia kia 9 years
Easy! Only ask your closest friends to be in your wedding like you want. Hopefully she'll be gracious about not being asked. If she isn't then tell her. It sucks, but it is your wedding and you don't have to invite everyone... this is how weddings start to get out of hand.
Marci Marci 9 years
I know if it were me I'd get down on my knees and kiss your feet and thank you for not having me in your wedding party. It's not all it's cracked up to be, not to mention very expensive. I think it's just plain mean to leave out one person from a whole group of girlfriends 'just because'. But hey; it's your wedding. You can do whatever you want.
emalove emalove 9 years
You definitely don't just call someone and say, "oh, by the way, you're not in my wedding"...why would you even think that would be good etiquette??? Unless you really dislike this girl and/or she's been a sh*tty friend, I honestly think it would make your life a whole lot easier to just include her in your wedding party. Especially if the two of you are in the same "group" and have all the same best friends. Can you imagine how she'd feel knowing that she's the ONLY one who was left out? I just don't think it's worth dealing with her hurt feelings and whatever negative reactions the rest of your friends will have toward you...because you know they will. TRUST ME. Yes, it's YOUR wedding and you should do what makes you happy...and it sucks that you have to worry about other people and their feelings. But that's just the way it is. As someone who just got married 6 months ago and had my own fair share of bridesmaid issues, sometimes it's just a wiser move to go with the choice that will make things easier for you in the long run. Good luck!!
lms lms 9 years
When I got married I had a girlfriend who assumed she was in my wedding. I just went ahead and let her b/c we all hung out together and she didn't do anything wrong. I originally planned to have my cousins and my best friend. However, she wanted to do it. I just asked my husband to find another guy and everything was fine. IMO, if having another person is not a financial burden on you(they pay for themselves mostly anyway) and she genuinely cares about you, I don't see the problem. For some reason, my little cousin assumed that she was in my wedding as well. She ended up being a junior bridesmaid. I did have to pay for her stuff though.
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