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Handle This: Your Boyfriend Is Playing Games

You and your boyfriend have fallen into a serious relationship quickly, and the marriage topic has come up. He's had more relationships than you and feels confident that you're the one he wants to marry. You really care about him, but you just aren't sure that he's the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You want more time to get to know him, but he won't accept that and asks if you'd consider getting engaged in six months. Your answer doesn't change, and he tells you that he's not sure he can be exclusive anymore if you can't promise him an engagement six months down the road.

He says he still loves you, but his inability to stay committed leaves a sour taste in your mouth. It's easy to say dump him, but it's hard because you really love him, and he says he loves you too. So how would you handle this?

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the-devastated the-devastated 9 years
Ok I would be seriously doubting what I see in this guy right now. He obviously does not love me if he gives me a deadline and if he's not prepared to be committed, then he's not really a boyfriend, more of a fling. Besides, can't everyone just see this guy having several affairs after you're married? It's going to be hard, but I'm not going to walk off that cliff of marriage, so I'll just turn around and go. I know hurt when I see it.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
I would just start thinking..."man, he says I am the one for him, but geez, he is just going to up and leave if I don't want to get engaged in 6 months...yeah right...I seriously doubt he really loves me...give me a break. If he really loved me he wouldn't care how long it would be, b/c the engagement wouldn't matter...time spent with me would." So I would prob. start feeling less and less serious about him, and eventually dump him, if I couldn't actually do it at the time.
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
That's awesome!!! :ROTFL: Love it!!!!
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
he got his nerve, giving ME a deadline! LMAO. any man who knows me knows that i am stubborn, and i do what i want to do. don't threaten me, i'm perfectly content being single and having occassional dates with Mr. Bluey (my vibrator). he does the job under 60 seconds, he doesn't talk back, or ask to hang with his buddies. he's easy to clean, and the only thing he asks in return is 3-AA batteries, preferably Duracell.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
if he can't wait, then that means that i'm NOT the one. if i were the one he wouldn't mind waiting, because it would be worth it. he should be glad that i want to get to know him better, versus getting married, popping a few kids, and divorcing because i realize (or he realizes) that i don't love hime anymore, then i get him for mad child-support and alimony.
thewriter thewriter 9 years
If a man does that to you, he is desparate and running from some inferiority complex he has...you are not the problem.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
That's not someone who seriously wants a relationship. Nor is it someone i'd continue any kind of anything with.
girlfriday girlfriday 9 years
I think he sounds rather controlling. It does raise red flags for me too. Whatever you decide, just be careful. And I'd never advise one of my female friends to act this way either! It's childish and controlling and definitely not the basis of a healthy marriage. Do you really want to have to coerce someone into marrying you? That doesn't sound like a good beginning at all...
michelleannette michelleannette 9 years
wait it out. tell him that i cannot give him an answer to a question he'll be asking in six months. if i am not ready to be engaged at the six month mark, then we'll have to break up. it's just strange to be pressured into something that is supposed to last a lifetime.
Belle1031 Belle1031 9 years
Don't I wish I were in this situation. The biggest issue I had with my ex was that he refused to commit. :P If he loves me as much as he says he does he will wait until I'm ready and happy with it, otherwise he would be selfish and God only knows in what else he'd be the same way. God forbid he said "lets have a baby" and I said no and he took that to mean that I never want to have kids with him so we should divorce. At that point I'd be pissed as hell and God help him! lol. I think I took this too serious! :P
em1282 em1282 9 years
I went through something similar with my ex, and to be honest the situation sucks because I still think I'm in love with him and vice versa. He got me a ring, I told him (not only after he told me about getting the ring, but also before he bought it) that I thought we needed to be more stable before we headed to the altar. He seriously threw a fit and didn't speak to me for weeks and took my "we need time" as "I don't want to marry you AT ALL". Then he said he was ready to work things out, but things weren't the same. I don't know what I would do differently if I had to re-live the situation, but I know that no one should force you into something if you are not ready for it.
Jeny Jeny 9 years
Be with him for another six months and see how it turns out.. if it turns out badly.. so no to the engagement ring.. DUH
stellarcourtney stellarcourtney 9 years
I hate when ANYONE does this. Why can't you both agree to do it when it's right for both of you and no set a weird deadline?
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
Winniecooper has an excellent point, but I don't really see anyone commenting on this post as actually advocating that kind of double standard. Personally, I've never tried to pressure a boyfriend into marrying me or anything like that and can't see myself doing it in the future. It would be unacceptable to me if someone did it to me, so I wouldn't do it to anyone else.
Meike Meike 9 years
I agree with winniecooper. It's called double standards and many of the posters on this board are procurers of this notion. Heh.
winniecooper winniecooper 9 years
Yes, Tabbcat. Don't women do this to men all the time? Whine, whine, where's my ring? If I don't have a ring in six months, I'm gone... And it seems that women advise other women to act this way. Now when a guy does it, he's playing games? Interesting.
tabbcat tabbcat 9 years
Leave him...but not because he did anything wrong. He was honest and told you what he wanted and where his head is at. You guys rae just in two different places. He's allowed to not want to "waste time" in what he might perceive to be a dead-end relationship. He's just in commitment-mode and may need someone similarly minded. Lord knows I've told guys the same thing~ if they're not ready for something I'm ready for, I'm out the door! It shouldn't be viewed as an ultimatum, it should be viewed as an honest conversation about future plans and goals.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I agree - this is a red flag. Marriage is a big deal, and he's trying to bully you into it. I question whether he truly loves you, or if he knows how to love someone. If I were you, I would break-up with him. It seems that he may leave you anyways (or just trying to manipulate you). Either way, he would be history in my book. Also, he can view the break-up as a resounding "no" to his pushy marriage proposal. What an a**hole. :)
ccsugar ccsugar 9 years
I agree almost famous. This should raise major red flags, giving you an ulitmatum saying "6 mos or else". From what it sounds like, the two of them haven't been together too long, and they did "fall into a serious relationship quickly". If he can't understand the need to slow things down a bit, then he doesn't care about your needs or your feelings. It will be hard, but you have to separate yourself from this creep.
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
This guy loves to "collect" women. Having them on the side isn't good enough. He has to have one at home, one at the office and one out of state. If he can love me, he can wait. As simple as that!
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Leave him. If he isnt willing to work with me and give me some time, then goodbye! I aint rushin in to no marriage!
adrilenee adrilenee 9 years
If he really loves you it seems like he'd be willing to wait for such a big step. If he's really ready to marry now then he'll be still be ready when you have made up your mind..
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
wow, talk about a red flag! dump him and cut all contact. sounds like the example Sufar's using would turn into a stalker! lol, hell no! I won't be having any of that!
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
I would leave him. Anyone that is that pushy and selfish in 6 months is not the kind of person I would want to marry. He'd probably turn out to be controlling or just plain nutty. No thanks.
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
If he can't or is unwilling to understand and accept that you need more time, then yeah, it's hard to dump him, but it has to be done. Pressuring someone to get married with an ultimatum like that is manipulative and will create nothing but trouble. Not worth it.
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