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Handle This: Your Ex Reached Out to You

If you were put in a situation like this, how would you handle it?

Over the weekend, you were completely taken aback when your ex-boyfriend, who you dated for four years and still love, called to wish you a happy Valentine's Day. Since Saturday, you've been talking on the phone daily, and it feels like you've slipped right back into your old ways. When you told your best friend that he reached out to you, she immediately gave you a piece of her mind. While you were aware that your tumultuous relationship affected your friends too, you didn't know just how much they despised him for you.

You discovered through your long conversations that he's single, just like you, and before talking to your friend about him, you were entertaining the idea of getting back together. Knowing that she is against it makes matters incredibly complicated, and you're torn — you don't know if you should trust her, an outsider looking out for your best intentions, or your own heart. It feels like a lose/lose, so tell me, how would you handle this?


Join The Conversation
pinaywriter pinaywriter 8 years
In the case of my last ex my friends love him. Although they would never support me getting back with him I know we can all be friends. So I guess I would offer him friendship and if he asks for more than that it's all that I can offer. Since like deidre I don't recycle romantic relationshis. I just try to be civil with exes if they are around. If not, works much better for me.
Deidre Deidre 8 years
Honestly, I'm a total bridge-burner. Once a breakup occurs (no matter who initiated it), I work really hard to let that relationship go. I learned from past experience that it's the best way for me to move foward, and allow the dude to do the same. Life's too short to keep looking back and to make the same mistakes all over again. If an ex called, I would have kept the conversation polite and short -- I wouldn't have gotten as far as the scnario indicated of talking to him daily after that.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
this person needs to remember why they broke up in the first place and there could be a really good valid reason why her friends all hate him. its so easy to get back into the same old routine with someone when you are single and still have feelings for that person but this is clearly a bad idea. he contacted her because he was single and because he's alone and wants someone around so he also fell back to what was familiar. she needs to stop and take a good look at why things didnt work out in the first place and if she decides that its worth giving it another shot she needs to reassure her friends and make sure that whatever upset them about her relationship before doesnt repeat itself.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
this would be the case with my ex if he contacted me - we had a tumultuous relationship but i loved him a lot and all my friends hated him....and a few years ago, i would have entertained the idea of getting back together but my friends would have went ballistic...their opinion means something...if they hate him, they probably have a friends hated my ex because he cheated on me, but i didnt know it at the smart and avoid him. listen to your instincts!
macchiatolove macchiatolove 8 years
sometimes you are only attracted because you remember how you felt about the person, and they're familiar. You want to have that feeling back. Well.. most of the time, people break up for a good reason, and getting back together is pointless unless you've openly discussed the issues you faced which led to the breakup. I've had the whole 'ex calling you back' thing, and it ended in tears. I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with this guy, but when push came to shove, I needed to learn how to say 'no' and I'm so glad I didn't take him back. Your friends are important and they know you, and want what is best for you, but don't avoid getting back together with him for that reason - do it because it's the best thing to do for YOU! there are so many guys out there that I wouldn't have a 'rocky' or 'tumultuous' relationship with... my attitude is that I should go find one of them, rather than take a chance on someone who's already betrayed my trust.
soapybub soapybub 8 years
Honestly, been there done that. Last valentine's day this happened. We dated pretty much from last March until this September. The relationship fell into the same old track and the same problems arose again. I say it's a trick of the heart. Don't let it get the best of you. Leave what's past in the past. Our relationship is probably worse off now than it ever was.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
While your heart is great and all, trust your logic. You know that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach you get about someone or a situation? It's not diarrhea, it's your instincts telling you it's a mistake. Once trust is broken I don't trust again. Much less jump back into something that easily. No do overs.
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 8 years
Keep it moving.
DDL DDL 8 years
Don't rule him out just yet. You know him better than your friends. Don't let others in your life dictate the way you should live yours. Since you've been with him for 4 years, see what he's up to. Maybe he's just lonely and looking for a friend. Maybe he wants closure. Maybe he's just being a creep. Either way, find out for sure if he's worth a second chance. If he reverts to his old ways, that's when you can cast him out. Until then, at least hear him out. See if he's changed. Treat him the way you would want to be treated.
Fallen85 Fallen85 8 years
Your ex is an ex for a reason. Hang up the phone and go meet someone new.
x3Lorelei x3Lorelei 8 years
Listen to the best friend!!! She is only trying to look out for you and knows what's best.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
I'm not reasonable and I don't listen to my friends. So if I was still in love with him, I'd get back together! (Actually, I did that 3 years ago with my boyfriend, and now I'm incredibly happy; so 1. sometimes you break up for a reason, but the reason goes away; and 2. sometimes your friends have no idea what they're talking about.)
cfp cfp 8 years
Ultimately, I think it comes down to this: when you use a word like "tumultuous" to describe a relationship, you are clearly not referring fondly to the "one who got away." Sometimes, two people just aren't compatible, and if the relationship was an unhappy one the first time around, why move backwards? The only way I'd be losing in that situation is if I allowed myself to settle for someone who was clearly not right for me.
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
When you are in a bad situation it's tough to see it for yourself. People looking in from the outside have a much better view. I would listen to my friend.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
God, move on! The original problems probably haven't been solved and I personally would be DONE being in a tumultuous relationship. Friends and family usually know what's right for us before we do - if it'd be a losing battle to date him, why bother at all?
smileyface smileyface 8 years
chatondeneige sounds like it and I hope you ignored him! :) And bbkf while it may be true that you are the one dating the person and not your friends and family, your friends and family may be able to give you some insight into a person that you may not be able to see.
bbkf bbkf 8 years
I never let my friends or family influence my romantic relationships. I'm the one dating the guy, not them.
chatondeneige chatondeneige 8 years
smileyface, did we date the same guy? We definitely had a rocky relationship, and he's engaged to someone now, too... and he called me this weekend. :oy: If all your friends hate him, something is up and I'd trust their instincts.
smileyface smileyface 8 years
My ex tried to contact me a few weeks ago and I completely ignored him. Our relationship was very rocky and all my friends hate him. He is engaged but even if he was single again and wanted to get back together I wouldn't. Since we have been broken up and have stopped talking to each other I realize more and more that us ending was a good thing. So I would say follow your friends advice and don't go back to something that was never that good and ended for a reason.
geebers geebers 8 years
Hmm break-ups happen for a reason. I see it as a red flag if ALL my friends disliked the guy. I mean if he broke-up over legit reasons and he is a genuinely good person - why would my friends hate him? Sounds like he is not good for me. I would stay away... it would be hard but I would avoid the calls for a bit. If something is meant to work out- then there will be opportunities to prove that this guy means well and it will work out the next time around. It doesn't seem that way if I am making it easy for this guy.
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
If the relationship was consistently rocky, I'd be inclined to leave it and find a new man to spend time on. Or, better yet, add the ex to my friends arsenal and spend that time on myself!
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