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Handle This: Your Friend Is Always Inviting Other People Along

Lately it seems like whenever you try to hang out with your friend, she adds someone else into the mix. You know she’s more of a social butterfly than you are, but it’s getting ridiculous.

Before the last time you saw her, you specifically told her that you had some personal things that you wanted to talk with her about. As you’re waiting for her at the restaurant, she texts you letting you know that she’s bringing a few more people. You don’t even want to respond, let alone sit through a meal with her, so how do you handle this?


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I would text her back, and tell her not to bother, you've left the restaurant, and no longer plan to do lunch with her and her posse today. I had a whole group of friends that felt that if they were invited to do something fun, it was within their rights to invite everyone they know to join in. Hence, they are no longer invited to take part in my plans. How hard is it to not mention your plans to other people? When they are kind enough to call and ask first, it places you in a bad position. Because, you know they just told that person, "well, let me call and ask if that's ok with _____," then you are the bad person for saying no.
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
Oooh, I have/had a "friend" who did this. Very annoying and rude. I don't call her much anymore...
gigill gigill 9 years
I have a friend EXACTLY like this. My best friend and I often roll our eyes at her and aren't surprised when she starts inviting random people along. Luckily most of the random people she invites end up feeling awkward about crashing our girl parties and don't end up staying long or coming at all. She still hasn't figured it out.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
My Best friend does this ALL THE TIME. Not so much with dinner so that's not a problem. But she can't handle just coming over my house/or anyone's house for that matter, for a quiet evening and a few drinks or something. She'll come over and either have to leave and go somewhere else if there isn't enough going on. And she's always inviting others to other houses. Things will be going good and the next thing you know, she's on the phone telling everyone and their mother to come to your house. No one even says anything about it cause we know it's useless to say anything. She just doesn't get it. Now, she just doesn't get invited if the host doesn't feel like dealing with it. Which sucks cause then you start having to feel guilty about being invited to things and their like don't tell her.........
skigurl skigurl 9 years
i'm definetly an extrovert, the more the merrier type, especially if it's a night out with friends, but sometimes you really just want to have a quiet dinner with one close friend, and it would really anger me if i was geared up to get advice on personal issues and someone brought others alone. i don't even know how i would respond to this at the time - if i was really not in the mood, i might leave and tell her if she wants to follow through with a one-on-one dinner later, to call me, or i might suck it up, and sit through it, and talk to her later airing my grievances about the situation. i guess it depends on whetheror not you like or know the other people coming, and what those "personal issues" are...if you are about ready to break into tears talking about an illness or a breakup, i wouldn't sit there pretending to put on a happy face while my friend plays entertainer!
Bookish Bookish 9 years
My best friend doesn't do this, because she's an introvert like me (you may be onto something jillerin!) but my other friend is a total social butterfly and frequently shows up to places where it was supposed to be just us with a couple of people I don't know with her. It used to drive me crazy, but I just stopped hanging out with her as much. It's not a perfect solution, but it works. I'm a hardcore introvert and find spending time with new people, or in groups, pretty exhausting. If I want to talk to her one-on-one, I call her. So far, she hasn't had any of her friends jump in on our telephone conversations...
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
I'm the 'more the merrier' type, so I don't mind. If I want to talk privately with my friend, I'd tell her before making any 'date' with her. If she had to bring someone to our meeting, it's all good too, I'd wait it out and tell her I'd call her to talk about something private with her. My good friend is a social butterfly and she always has someone with her, and I usually don't care much, I'd wait to discuss something private with her and I even don't mind talking it over w/ her via phone if we can't meet privately.
juicylove juicylove 9 years
i hate it when people invite others out and dont tell me. because if i think im just going to be sitting around with one person talking or whatever not going anywhere i wont make an effort to look decent.. but then when theyre like oh this person and their friends are meeting us.' or when youre the one driving..and someone goes 'oh we have to go pick up all these people' i only know like one person who does that but its sooo annoying.. volunteering their other friends to pick up people who they didnt even know were coming..but thats a whole other story.
mtothawhat mtothawhat 9 years
I had a friend who did this a lot. We're still friends but definitely not as close. We could never just hang out and just relax, we always had to be in a group going out and drinking. I didn't mind in the beginning but it just got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I just distanced myself from her.
Lyv Lyv 9 years
Well I rarely talk "personal things" with my friends - I don't like troubling them with my silly dramas - so, the more the merrier, I say. I love making new friends!
neonbee neonbee 9 years
I agree with K is For Kait. Once or twice is okay, but if it continues, I think I won't be able to deal with it much. It happened to me before and even though I confronted my friend, she just didn't get the point. I guess this was a reason for out fall out.
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 9 years
I think that if it happened once or twice, I could deal. But if it was constant, I'd get extremely frustrated. I think that if this situation happened one of those later occassions, I'd probably have to say something to her like "I'm just not in the mood to hang out with a crowd tonight, so I'm going to have to bail, but have fun. Call me later if you want to stop by my place once everyone else has gone home for the night" or something like that.
nina24 nina24 9 years
That has happened to me a few times. I wouldn't see my friend for weeks since I got to school in a different town, but whenever I come back for a weekend visit she's one of the first people I call. It got really frustrating when she'd invite her friends (whom I dont really know well) to tag along with us or invite me to tag along with them, I just wanted some quality one on one time with my friend whom I rarely got to see. The way I dealt with it (which probably isnt the best way) was after I would find out that she invited others to hang out with us I would cancel. It isnt a big deal to some, but I dont do well with large groups, especially with a large group of strangers. I think she eventually got the picture and things are fine now.
caryatid caryatid 9 years
i had a falling out with a friend who constantly brought her exboyfriend/now friend over to my house, to movies, to dinner, everywhere, uninvited when she knew i wasn't his biggest fan. being nice to a friend's boyfriend is one thing, but EXboyfriend? i'm sorry, but no. even when i told her that i'd like to spend time when just her, she would blow me off or call me after her plans with him fell through. i miss the friend, but the friendship was totally one-sided at the end. =(
MindayH MindayH 9 years
I am definitely the type that is the "more the merrier" type. Like Tidalwave mentioned, I have a hard time saying no, and when I know that one of my friends is new in town, I feel bad not inviting them. Because when the table is turned, I hate feeling left out, especially when it is my friends that are meeting up. Needless to say, it is rude if your friend knows that you want to talk about certain things. If you know your friend is like that, catch her on the fly, the longer in advance you make plans the less time she has to invite others. Or say you are coming over to go for a walk or grab a coffee, something less desirable than a fun restaurant
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
I've noticed the people who do this are usually extraverts, and we who are annoyed by it are often introverts. This extra/introvert problem is my answer to everything, I swear! But it seems like the people who are energized by being around a large group just can't understand that others are drained by that situation, and find it an imposition. I have to get mentally psyched to deal with more than a couple of people at a time, and if the situation is sprung on me last-minute, I'm tempted to bail.
jfellows1631 jfellows1631 9 years
i think one of my friends does this on purpose, so she can duck out early or avoid certain conversations.
omilawd omilawd 9 years
I would go and try to do something alone with her afterward.
emalove emalove 9 years
I agree with Aimee.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
I haven't had this happen to me all too much, just here and there. Usually I just try and tell them the next time I'd really like it to just be the two of us or else I'll have to take a rain check.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
It would depend on the situation. Perhaps she is a person who can't say "no" so when she says, "i'm on my way out the door to eat dinner with a friend" and someone on the phone says, "oh i love that place, can i join you", perhaps it is difficult for her to say that. My friends and I understand that if we're going out for dinner or drinks, that we usually ask if we can invite someone else, and that is often times okay because the more the merrier. Only when it involves the person's or my house, would I think it is a tad more rude. So, if I wanted to discuss personal things with this friend I would invite her to a private place where she won't run into people or invite people out to. Invite her to your place for lunch or to show her some new clothes, then bring up the topics.
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