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Handle This: Your Friend Wants to Break Her Engagement

Your engaged friend has been acting incredibly distant lately. You assume it's because she's planning her wedding, but when you finally get time together, she opens up to you after a few drinks. She tells you that things aren't going well and she's having serious cold feet, to the point that she wants to call off the wedding. You try to calm her down, but the more details she divulges, the more you're starting to think perhaps calling off the wedding is the right decision. You've grown to love her fiancé, and you remember how happy they once were, but you want the best for your friend. You don't want to give her bad advice, so how do you handle this?


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LilGlamDiva LilGlamDiva 8 years
I wouldn't try to guide her in any direction since it isn't my choice, and I'm not in the situation. I would just tell her to be true to herself, and honest with her fiance about her feelings, and support her either way!
naturalstate naturalstate 8 years
If they're just snapping at each other out of the stress of wedding planning and she's letting it get to her, that happens to everybody. On the other hand, if they find out while setting a catering budget that they have totally incompatible ideas about how to handle their finances, then that might be a red flag that makes her stop and rethink. I think either way I would ask her how she's dealt with whatever is bothering her in the past (i.e. before they got engaged), and whether it's something that only became a problem once marriage was in the picture. I definitely agree that it's not your place to tell her what to do (other than telling her to talk to her fiance), but I would say that I'd support her no matter she chooses, even if she decides in the middle of the aisle to turn around and run the other way.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
Calling off a wedding is probably a bit easier (although definitely hard) than going through a divorce... considering by that time there could potentially be children involved. I agree with everyone who said she has to talk about how she is feeling with her fiance. Let her know she isn't trapped and still has options and the only way to figure out what needs to be done will be to talk about how she is feeling with her S/O.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
i would ask her "if the wedding were called off right now and he left your life forever, how would you feel?" and tell her that's how she should move forward. it's her choice, she just needs to see it clearly.
kia kia 8 years
You tell her to get her and her guy to marriage counseling or another professional to formally address their issues. There is no shame in calling it off if both parties make an effort instead of simply running away.
Xandara Xandara 8 years
The only way I could ever tell a friend of mine to ditch a guy, wedding or no, is if he is abusive to her.
zcoral zcoral 8 years
I would just tell her that she needs to open a dialogue with her fiance. But I would add that a messy breakup is always better than a messy divorce.
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
that's like the divorce question - you don't want to be the one to say break it off cause if they do then you may think that you were a catalyst to it - and if they don't break up - then she'll know how you felt. it's just a good idea to try to be a good friend and to listen than anything else. i know that i get into my fair share of arguements with my fiance and there are times that i really think that maybe we shouldn't get married, but in the end i know that we're happy together - so some fighting every now and then might be ok...but that's us...that's not necessarily everyone else.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
and a drunk person speaks a sober mind. give me a few White Russians and I'll tell you to f*ck your wait..i say that sober. ...well, I definitely let my guard (bravado) down when i'm loosey-goosey like that. so if i told you that, you better believe it's how I truly feel, and not just me stammering.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
I wouldn't tell her nothing.... she obviously knows what's up. if you're having issues like this now, you're gonna have more issues later. she probably just wants you to co-sign that sh*t. if it were my best friend, and she said this last year (when she got married) i would tell her to really sit back and think about what she wants out of this marriage. and if he falls short, then cut the fat meat. never settle.
a-nonny-mouse a-nonny-mouse 8 years
There is nothing to *handle* under these circumstances. It is not your decision; it has nothing to do with you. ((shrugs))
lily8206 lily8206 8 years
You don't give advice. You listen and support - that's your only job!
beeps beeps 8 years
I too would encourage her to talk to him and if I was friends with him as well encourage him to talk to her - but I would definately try to stay out of it beyond that.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
i agree with all others: don't advise her at all! you don't want to be part of a decision this big! plus, she's drunk! things could look different in the morning. tell her to talk to her family and her fiance. try not to get involved!
Zulkey Zulkey 8 years
I told one friend who did break her engagement: a broken engagement is nothing compared to a broken marriage.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
I would tell her to communicate with the person who she had previously pledged to spend her whole life with.
vmruby vmruby 8 years
I wouldn't really give her any advice other than to be honest with her fiance about her reservations and say no more.I would never want to be the reason for anybody's relationship ending due to any advice I may have given her.Ultimately she's the one who has to decide what's best for her and live with that choice.
sonya-ina sonya-ina 8 years
The couples needs to talk it out ASAP, and be completely honest with each other. Communication is key! She needs to delve deep into her feelings and just spill her guts. Getting married and planning a wedding is extremely stressful for both the bride and groom. Feelings and actions you may have never felt/done while you were just dating could come up. Stress is crazy, and it can do crazy things to a person. Talk it out! Marriage should NEVER be taken lightly.
lilCROAT03 lilCROAT03 8 years
giving her any kind of advice may make her go against her real feelings. it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants...which is why the divorce rate is where it's at.
ohkate ohkate 8 years
I agree with the top three commenters, the only advice I'd give her is to be honest with her fiance. god forbid she ends up regretting her decision and blames it on me! ):
cubadog cubadog 8 years
The only thing you can really do is to tell her to be honest with her fiance about how she is feeling. He may be having the same doubts and be just as afraid to tell her. It really isn't your place to recommend she do one thing or the other ultimately she needs to make her own decision.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
the only advice i would give her is to talk to her fiance. you only know what she's telling you but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors and the dynamics of their relationship. i agree with sarah above... maybe he's having the same or similar doubts if things aren't going well. if they can work it out maybe they can postpone the wedding until they work out their issues or decide if they want out. i'm sure its a confusing time for her so what you say will affect her judgement. just steer her to talk to her fiance.
sarah100682 sarah100682 8 years
I wouldn't advice her either way necassarly, I would tell her that I think she needs to be honest with her fiance about exactly how she feels and work it out that way. It's very possible that he has the same doubts.
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