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Handle This: Your Friend Wants to Bring Her Baby to Your B-Day

You’re having a birthday party at your house, and you’ve invited all of your friends to come. One of your long-time girlfriends calls you a few days before the party to let you know that she’s actually coming. You’re completely shocked because ever since she got married and had a baby, you hardly ever see her, especially at social gatherings.

She asks you if it’s okay to bring her eight-month-old son to the occasion. You don’t want to flat out say no, but you try to urge her not to bring him. You explain that there will be drinking, loud music, and no other children there. It seems like she agrees that it's not going to be a very kid-friendly environment, until she calls you a day later and says that she’s going to bring him anyway because her husband will be out of town and she doesn’t have a sitter. You feel badly, but you just don’t want her baby at your birthday, so how do you handle this?


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StressFree StressFree 7 years
Here I am reading all this while deciding what to do with our holiday party crisis. Our kids are out with their own adult lives. The invite didn't have pictures or balloons or ponies and a clown is not presenting. Parents, take the hint --- if children were invited it would be a daytime event! Kids are cool but I do not wish infants or minors yelled at, making canape art or paraded around the house. Here's my thought: Couples/Singles sometimes go out to get away from kids. This also means I am also stuck on how to say 'Gee, you have to be This Old to ride this party". Thank you Silver for saying it best.
ksw4543 ksw4543 9 years
I had this happen once. A good friend brought her almost one-year old baby to a party at my place. We had loud music, good food, drunk people, the works - great party! The kid woke up around eleven at night and mom brought the baby out. My fiance was appalled and couldn't enjoy his night because it was our apartment with drunk people and a kid out in the open. People do act differently knowing the kid is in the house. I think that the mother in this hypothetical situation should stay home. If you have a kid, you have to adjust your life. The kid can't go where you go all the time and you need to realize that. I hate it when moms bring their kids out, it sickens me. Get a babysitter or make alternate arrangements to catch up with said friend another day!
sweetnshy5282 sweetnshy5282 9 years
I myself have 2 children but I still agree w/ the others who say leave the baby home. if she can't then maybe you could get together for coffee or lunch another day. it is inappropriate to have a baby at a party w/ drinking and loud music. not for for the birthday girl, the guests, or the baby. also, people keep saying that the baby will be playing or sleeping in the other room.. playing in another room by himself? or will mom be in there, too, not out w/ the other guests? she would pretty much not be at the party at all in that case. where will the baby sleep? on the bed so he could roll off? or on the floor?? the baby sleep better and be safer sleeping in his own crib. I guess I just don't get the logic in bringing a baby into a place that is not baby friendly...
Well, you have a couple options. You can just flat out tell her you won't be comfortable with her child crawling around a bunch of drunks, you could try to set up a babysitter for her, possibly your parents would be willing to watch her child. Or, if you really want her there, just accept the fact that she now comes with a child, and set up an area for him to sleep. Personally, I'm one of the only in my group of friends without a child, so I'm used to going to friend's houses to hang out for the night, and there are 3 year olds running around.
BeautiJunki BeautiJunki 9 years
who doesn't have a family member or trusted friend who isn't in the same circle as her other friends who doesn't mind watching the baby for a little while. i hate having to watch where i place my drink or watch my mouth when i am at an adults only party but you got the one mommy who can't find a sitter but can't stand to sit this one out. i am so the fan of you know since this is an adult only affair how about we meet up at the mall and grab a bite to eat. I'm trying to get preggers now and i guess I'm lucky cuz i have a ma, sis, some aunties and cousins i would trust...maybe the mommy in mention has abused her "can you watch my baby" privileges with her go to sitters. Plus if you hang out with her and the the baby elsewhere she will get more face time with you. BTW stop worrying about her and have a happy birthday, you're a great friend otherwise this wouldn't bother you at all.
chatoyante chatoyante 9 years
I don't think a "good friend" should feel obligated to make her own birthday party into a kiddie day care. A good friend, however, should get the hint when the hostess expressly says "no kids" and not insist on it. In this situation, Pushy Mom is already being rude so I wouldn't feel bad about telling a white lie to close the subject: "I'm sorry, but I've already told other people that they can't bring their kids; it really wouldn't be fair to anyone. This is a grown-ups night, but if you'd like to take your kid to the park next week, I'd be happy to come along to spend time with both of you." You're being polite yet firm, and offering a graceful alternative. Anyone who pushes the issue after that deserves to have their invitation revoked.
PJ-PJ-PJ PJ-PJ-PJ 9 years
Babies do not belong at adult parties, no matter how young or old they are. The loud music, loud talking, excessive drinking are not conducive to happy or sleeping babies. I would explain that to the friend again & then suggest that they meet for lunch or dinner on another date. I'm all for having babies. I'm all for having & going to adult parties. I do realize, however, that having a child means that you must be prepared to get a baby sitter. If you can't find a sitter, you'll just have to sit that particular party out & try to catch the next one. Asia, you are my "evil" twin. That is, we think the same, you are just so much more outspoken than I ever am! Keep it real! :)
kaenai kaenai 9 years
It really depends on the party, and the time the party is being held. If it's a midday garden party kind of vibe, then sure, bring the kid along. If it's 'grown and sexy', like Asia suggested, then I would suggest she find a sitter or stay home until the next one. St. Patty's day is coming, right? A Spring Fling, maybe? And it's pretty damn inconsiderate for a "good friend" who knows you better than that to ask you to accommodate this kind of request (even though that last bit was more like a demand). And yes, I do have children. I know a child that age would likely go to sleep. It's also my experience that this is not the Best Idea Ever. It's more adult and responsible, IMO, to find a sitter. She could call a mutual friend and ask what sitters they use, or if they could give the sitter extra money, and bring the baby over if it's short notice. Theoretical or not, my answer doesn't change. And I just read again, and this is definitely an adult party. I'd have to tell her to stay home. I'm not about to change the mode of my party that I've probably been planning for weeks or longer, and likely already made arrangements for everyone else to be there - who are also expecting a grown folks' affair. That's just crazy. Oh, but she's a /good/ friend? Then she knows me pretty well, right? So she already knows how I roll, and she'll understand! "Talk you tomorrow, sweetie; we'll have lunch and catch up!"
DanaBana DanaBana 9 years
one more thing- thank you girlfriday for stating some very vaild, mature points.
DanaBana DanaBana 9 years
wow, i never would have thought this topic would have generated soo many different views. obviously everyone has their own opinions on children and i think the outcome of whether this child will be at your party really depends on how YOU feel about them in general. Honestly, if my friend who i hadn't seen in a while was bringing her 8 month old to my party, i wouldn't mind, as long as i got to see and spend some time with her. As far as arranging an area for her and the baby, i'd probably kindly let her know where she can do a diaper change if necessary but most likely she won't be staying long enough for her child to sleep. one thing to take into consideration is that this is an 8 month old in question, not a 3 year old. toddlers are alot of fun, but they're not that much fun when they're teetering around at an adult party where there are no other children. I think i would have drawn the line if the child was alot older.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
LMAO and rolling on the floor. i just read the rest of Girlfriday's post. first honey-bunch, it's a Handle This, meaning it's theoretical. and the part, "I do have one other thought though - to the writer, are you worried that the baby will take the attention away from you as the birthday girl? I totally understand why you'd be feeling that way, but just remember that everyone is coming to see you, not the baby, and yeah, you might have to share the spotlight for like 10 minutes until the kid goes in the other room, but in that case, you should learn to deal for the short amt of time." what is this 5th grade?! LOL who the hell would be jealous of a baby???and the fact that you state that you understand is JUST HILARIOUS. thanks for the laugh. that thought never ran across my mind. but even if a b*tch was THAT pathetic, it's STILL her party. she can do what she wants to. i just can't say anything more than LOLOLOLOLOL. that is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard, Girlfriday. LMAO, i just burned 10 calories laughing. . .
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
don't bring no d*mn babies to MY house! now, homegirl would feel bad if i was to say that to her. but she can't be mad if i was only telling her my true feelings. that's what FRIENDS do; they keeps it REAL. i don't care if the baby is 8 day, 8 months or 8 years old. it's an ADULT event. this ain't reading-time with Barney and Friends. cry me a contaminated river! so d*mn what if she's thirsty to have some adult time. GET a SITTER. and i have friend who went places and breast-fed. so suck that crap up and geta breast pump. and it's NOT fair to other moms and dads who paid their money and made arrangments to get a sitter. and HELL-naw i'm not gonna find her a sitter, and i d*mn sure wouldn't pay for it. YOU had the kid, so YOU need to face the fact that YOU may not be able to go everywhere you want to go, or that you won't get the same adults-only activities that you use to. that is YOUR bad, not everyone elses. that's like having a wedding and saying it's black-tie, and you show up in jeans because "they are just so darn comfortable. . .and I want to be ME". if you can't follow the host/hostess wishes, then keep you a*s at home with your breast-feeding life-leech (although i'm sure the babe is cute), and wait for your husband to come home and listen to you talk about how the baby did something grossly cute that day.
frieddumpling frieddumpling 9 years
Your friend should understand your decision and respect your wishes for your once-a-year birthday party. Unless she is clueless, she would not insist on bringing her baby. IF you really want her to come, PAY for her babysitter or arrange something (I don't know your or her financial situations, but maybe she doesn't have to bring you a gift or something and spend it on a babysitter so you both can get some quality time together!). Having a baby is such a DRAG to everyone (not to mention that everyone at the party is going to think your friend is inconsiderate as well - you're doing her a favour by firmly saying no). Plus, even though the baby is 8 months, who is going to feel comfortable drinking with a baby in the next room? For posters who say that the baby is probably going to sleep, I don't think so with LOUD music and LOUD talking (laughing etc.)! Honestly, I can say that you will have a MUCH better time if you just tell her straight up no. I mean sure you are expected to be a good friend, but friendship takes two, and she should be considerate of your wishes as well (especially they are VERY reasonable --> adult birthday party is NO place for a BABY!) This discussion does not involve liking babies or not (totally irrelevant and NOT an argument point!)
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
I'd probably ignore the mother and the brat, and/or put them both in a closet.
girlfriday girlfriday 9 years
If the kid was 3 or 4, I could see that this would be a problem. They'd be running around and you'd have to see to them every second. I totally get that, and it's annoying when kids are brought to places where they shouldn't be - not just for the guests, but the kids can't be too happy about it either! But the kid in question is [b]8 months old.[/b] He's going to be sleeping most likely, and if you put him in the bedroom, I don't see how it will cause a problem. The mom will just go in every once in a while and check and it shouldn't be an issue. If the music is so loud anyway, no one is going to hear a baby crying. I can imagine this poor woman just wants to see her friends and enjoy some adult company, and she's desperate and can't find a sitter and/or she's still breastfeeding. I don't think you would be a very good friend to deny her to bring the baby unless the party venue is really ill-suited - i.e. it's a studio apt and there is no bedroom for the baby to sleep in. But on the other hand, if she's not a good friend of yours then, I mean, it's your party so you can choose. I do have one other thought though - to the writer, are you worried that the baby will take the attention away from you as the birthday girl? I totally understand why you'd be feeling that way, but just remember that everyone is coming to see you, not the baby, and yeah, you might have to share the spotlight for like 10 minutes until the kid goes in the other room, but in that case, you should learn to deal for the short amt of time.
omilawd omilawd 9 years
I would find her a babysitter. I live closeby to a lot of my family members who wouldn't mind taking care of a baby for a few hours. Plus, my friends who do have children know and trust them, so it wouldn't be an issue on their part of "not knowing the sitter."
winniecooper winniecooper 9 years
Ugh. It's completely self-centered to bring a baby to an adult party. Some folks think they are so special and their perfect kids are exceptions to all rules.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
None of my friends with children would ever do this. They have sense enough to know that I would not want a baby at my birthday party. I would arrange a lunch or early dinner another evening but sorry I do not want a baby at my birthday party it is not the time nor the place.
Bookish Bookish 9 years
I'm a mom, I have two kids, and I adore children in general. BUT. I know a woman who consistently brings her child (who is now three) to adult-only parties. It's miserable, as a guest or as a host. The grown-ups feel they have to watch their language, edit their stories, and restrict any drinking, there aren't any toys for him to play with so he gets bored and wants the adults to entertain him (no surprise) and all the other guests are parents who took the trouble to find and pay for a babysitter so they could go have an adults-only time. How is that fair? I had one occasion where I paid for a babysitter to watch my kids so I could attend a party, only to have her show up with her child, who spent most of the night in my lap because his mother was ignoring him. It sucked for him, it sucked for me, the hostess was hacked off- the only one who was fine with the arrangement was the mom, and that was just because she was too clueless to care. Well. That was longer than I'd expected. If you're throwing a party, you have the right to set the parameters. If she can't get a sitter, there's always the next party. Bringing a baby against the wishes of the hostess is extremely rude.
ii wud suqqest her to find a sitter if not then she will have to party with tha baby and look after the baby b/c this is a qrown up affair no kids and i dnt have any so ii wont put my fun on hold because hers is there iim sorry
Meike Meike 9 years
I agree with Asia84 on this. First of all, why would any good parent expose their baby to an environment where there will be drinking and loud music. I'm not implying that you're having a hardcore adult-oriented party but people get drunk at parties and accidents happen. Secondly, it's inconsiderate to you and your other guest who then feel as though they must 'cater' to this mother's needs during the party. "Oh, is the music too loud? Should we soften it just for your baby?" And, if she stuck in another room to herself taking care of the baby, how can she even have fun? You are not being selfish if you tell her she can't bring her child. Parents get too much leniency sometimes.
shanimalcracker shanimalcracker 9 years
I love kids, but there is a time and place to bring them and a birthday party that is meant to be FUN doesn't fall into that category. Nowadays, people hire babysitters even when they need to go to the grocery store or run errands so I don't see why this is a problem. I definitely don't condone leaving your children with other people all the time, but I think that there are situations where children don't need to be included. I think that the birthday person should not feel obligated to allow the child to come over at all.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
oh, i better make sure i state that i love babies too, or else the mommies on here will crucify me. LMAO i DO like children. they are cute, and they smell pretty good. i want to have one of those things one day. maybe 2 of them. twins run in my family, so maybe i'll get a 2 for 1 deal. but i think it's rude to impose your kids on other folks regardless if they are parents or not. like folks getting mad if you don't wants kids at their wedding. it's like, it's THEIR event. YOU either comply, or don't come. it ain't that deep. most of my friends who have children have nannies. so they can up and leave whenever. even my colorful ghetto fab friend (who i still have no idea how she pays her bills) she has a 6 year old and she's the cutest little thing, but she NEVER brings her kid to ADULT events. she drops little-bit off at her mother's, or the baby-daddy if her hubby has to work. so if ghetto-birds can be considerate, than everyone else can be too. and i don't want to have the kid in my room sleeping while we party, because my house isn't baby-proof. and 8 month olds wake up, and they can roll/crawl around. i'm smelling a law suit. because the same ubber-mommy who imposed the kid on you, will be the same h* that wants you to pay for the medical bill from when the kid rolled off the bed and cracked his/her head.
emalove emalove 9 years
I would just tell that it's probably not the best environment for a baby to be in (drinking, loud music, etc.). And then I'd pick another day to spend time with her.
sjj158 sjj158 9 years
Now that I read Asia84's comment I got a little more fired up. :) I agree 100%. It's not that I am anti-baby or anything as I'd like to have my own one day but I am tired of having to deal with accomodating people because of their choice to have kids. I've always felt that if you can't afford or find a sitter then you should stay home. I despise people who take their noisy children to an adult movie because they can't find someone to watch their kid. In my city we have a chain of movie theaters that doesn't allow kids under 18yoa to any adult movies and has a baby day where moms can take their babies to view a matinee movie. That's my kind of movie theater!
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