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Handle This: Your Male Friend Confesses His Feelings

For the past year you’ve been single, and it’s been great, in part to the good friends you’ve made; one of whom happens to be a guy who is also single. You've headed to the bars together and lamented your dating woes on multiple occasions and he's been a great support. But out of nowhere, he asks you to a more formal dinner. Once there, you immediately get the feeling that something is different, but you're still surprised when he admits that he has serious feelings for you that he'd like to pursue. You don’t share them, so how do you handle this?

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rossinaross rossinaross 9 years
ohh I WAS 13. my bad.
rossinaross rossinaross 9 years
Damn, this happens to me ALL the time since I'm 13 hahaaa. I usually have great relationships with guys, we hang out, but they usually end up with the 'i like you thing'. The last time it happened I did something stupid. Here it goes so you wont do it. My boyfriend broke up with me [the one that turned out to be gay], and I was sad, I cried alot, anywho, things weren't the same. So I had met Sean months before, and he was always there for me, texting me to make me feel better, and calling, and just being sweet as a friend. Well we hung out alot, it helped me go through the break up, and one day Sean just blured out while we were at the movies that he liked me and wanted something serious with me. I told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship [when I should have told him that I didn't share his feelings], but made out with him. Not once. Not twince. But MANY times. I think just to forget about the other dude ..... ??? maybe. The thing is that Sean went psyco on me. He says he likes me, he wants to be with me, and that he knows I'm in love with him. He is now a stalker and it's ALL my fault. So, please be a little bit smarter than I was and just tell him right away that you don't like him that way. If he cares about you as a friend, he'll stay there withyou, as a friend. If he just wants to hook up, he'll disappear, which is alright, who needs a guy friend like that?
cravinsugar cravinsugar 9 years
Isn't it possibel that the guy didn't have those feelings the whole of the friendship? and after you let him down, that he is willing to be just friends? it doesn't nec have to make the whole friendship a lie
lilCROAT03 lilCROAT03 9 years
it just makes me feel like the only reason he's stuck around and pretended to be my friend was bc he thought that one day he'd actually get in my pants- which makes me feel disgusted bc our whole friendship is an f-ing lie/along with all the funny/good mems- all in the trash bin.
SassAndBide SassAndBide 9 years
i've been there. it's so awkward. i suppose just be honest. let him down gently, lol it's probably just me but i feel so guilty afterwards.. i mean at least they went out on a limb..but whats the point in being in a relationship if you dont feel the same way he does..so yeah, just let it go and tell him you don't see it going anywhere ..serious. ps. LOL @ bluestar's comment
miriah15 miriah15 9 years
Straight up say I don't feel the same way.
cravinsugar cravinsugar 9 years
I sort of went through this too. I worked with the guy, and I also worked with my crush. not thinking my crush was interested, i decided to go out with the guy that liked me to see if anything could develop. We dated for about a month, and he was a lot of fun, but then he kissed me. And then i knew there was nothing there for real. Now i am best friends with his wife, who dated him on again prior to my dating him, off again when i was dating him, and on again (obvi) after we broke up. I told her about it recently and she thought it was hilarious and we both had a good laugh haha.
foxie foxie 9 years
Me? When this has happened to me in the past, I instantly feel creeped out by the poor guy and never talk to him again. But that's just me.
richkidblues richkidblues 9 years
this has happened to me many times. The first time I was 14 and dating my first boyfriend. My best friend told me he was in love with me. I was heartbroken. I remember crying and crying. We remained friends but were never as close as we were before he confessed his feelings for me. Its happened alot throughout my life, I tend to have alot of guy friends. Sometimes I feel as if maybe I lead them on. I dont do it on purpose, but I am rather flirty and a touchy person. the latest situation with a guy friend it was the other way around. I developed feelings for him. We had an incredible friendship, I felt like I had finally found someone who understood me. I confessed my feelings for him after weeks of tormenting myself and trying to get them to go away. We ended up dating for about a month and ended things after it just wasnt working. Its been an interesting ride, but I think this is a very common occurance. It just proves the old saying that guys and girls cant be just friends, theres always one who falls for the other sometime along the way.
ilanac13 ilanac13 9 years
this seems to be something that happens more often than you know, and it's never easy getting out of that situation. i think that if it were me, i would have to be honest and nice to my friend and let him know that as cliche as it is, i would fear losing what we have as friends if we try to take it to the next level, unless there's some inkling on my side that it's the right thing to do. more often than not, you know that even if you do have some spark, it's not a romantic spark since you would have probably acted on it a lot sooner if that were the case.
Mesayme Mesayme 9 years
I remember why I don't have any male friends... there are awesome benefits to being a loner after having been so much of an extrovert. It is completely different. Anyway, every time I tried to be a guy's friend it always came to this... If he claims to have 'loved' you, didn't tell you and dated other women anyway. He can go straight to ... :EVIL: Actually, that just happened and I'm still p*s$ed. *inhale* I would absolutely end the relationship if I didn't share the same level of love for him. It never works out.
mix-tape mix-tape 9 years
Wow this must happen way more often than I realized! I have experienced this before and fortunately I am still great friends with him! He confessed his feelings to me after we both had broken our relationships around the same time. It was awkward because as much as I love him as a friend, I am repulsed by the thought of dating him. I think part of his whole idea in liking me was just the convenience and timing so once I explained how I felt we were all okay. Not to go without mentioning, but we definitely went for a couple weeks without speaking too much! awkward!
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
The funny thing is that opinions change... 9 times out of 10 any guy friend that I just hang out and do regular stuff with is going to be JUST that... a friend. Any minor attraction would be subjugated to what I feel is an important friendship (I'm talking really minor attraction: like no way would I want this guy to be my boyfriend or husband). But I have had male acquaintance/ friends become more than (but only because the good qualities were there originally, and the attraction developed). So in this situation, I'd put this guy into the former category of friend only... and I'd let him down gently and emphasize that I'd like to remain his good friend, if that's okay with him. If it's not, then we'd have to part ways.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
time after time after time after time after time (u get the point) :P thats y i dont believe in platonic relationships anymore. at least not deep or close platonic relationships.
austerity austerity 9 years
Funny, this happened to me last weekend. I just let him down gently; told him I was flattered, that I admired him for his guts for coming forth like this, but that he was on another train of thought than me, and that I couldn't oblige. (He didn't know that I'm already with a guy, but that's because we have chosen to keep it a secret for now, not because I was leading this guy on or anything). So this guy has tried to contact me on chat a few times after that...but I choose not to reply. A younger, more naive me would have thought 'heck, it's ok, we can still be friends'. But I have realized from other experiences that guys unfortunately can think you are 'playing hard to get', even when you're saying no in all earnesty. That can lead to worse complications later on ('if you didn't want me, why did you start talking to me again?'). So I've decided to avoid him.
bluestar bluestar 9 years
I would hump and dump.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Ugh, I've been there, too. Like MyPov, I don't remember what I said either. I may have blocked it out, too, as it was very uncomfortable for me. However, I do remember we were in good terms after that, and eventually, grew apart. I had another situation where another man expressed his feelings to me when I was MARRIED (in the former scenario, I was unmarried). He proposed that I have an affair with him. Needless to say, I declined, and I stopped socializing with him after that.
sourcherry sourcherry 9 years
Still don't know how to handle situations like this very well. I let them down gently, but then they can't get over their bruised egos and start acting completely different. :/ I've lost good friends that way. But the last time this happened to me I worked really hard on preserving the friendship, and I guess it worked out. Things are still a little weird, but nothing time won't change.:) I guess I've learned to be more patient.
MyPov MyPov 9 years
Went through this too and it was rough. He wrote me a very long letter revealing his feelings and I didn't know how to handle it. I must've blocked it out b/c I don't remember what I did, must not be something I would advise because we stopped speaking for a few years but eventually reconnected and he was a guest at my wedding last year and still one of my best friends to this day.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 9 years
Yeah I have gone through this many times. Unfortunately, some of my friendships with the guys didn't work out in the end. I lost 2 really good male friends of mine because of it. :( I think I could have handled both situations better but I didn't. But I have learned my lesson and hopefully they are both happy with their lives. We decided to part ways and that was that.
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 9 years
lordy i have had many a guy friend tell me this.. its never easy to tell them that you dont feel the same but the good thing is i have never lost their friendship. i just simply tell them they were FRIENDS for a reason.
Fixe Fixe 9 years
This was a situation i went through, kinda, i had a really good friend like me, but he never really told me his feelings, he confessed to one of our mutual friends and then told me about it. i was very open with him, cuz he was my friend and trusted him. i guess he thought it was something more than that... i was talking to another guy at the time when my friend told me that my good friend liked me..but he never did anything about it or said anything to me to my face. Honestly, i wasn't attracted to him at all cuz he was my friend for a long time and i didn't want to mess that up. well, he found out that i had a boyfriend and he got really jealous and upset. but either way, he now hold a grudge against me, cuz he thinks i lead him on and doesn't talk to me. If he had told me liked me in person, i would've said that i cared about him but only as a friend and had found someone else (which didn't work out). I know it would break his heart, but you have to decide what you want for yourself and go for it. don't be scared about it either. Yea it's gonna suck at first, now i'm getting the idea that he doesn't want to be my friend anyway. So you just have to move on and in time, maybe you guys can be friends again. that's what i'm hoping it will turn. if he really is your friend, he will get over his ego and really understand your decision. "I rather be a friend than nothing at all" kinda motto.
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